The 10 Most Awkward Hand Positions in Survivor Cast Photos

If you’re thinking “this has to be the most obscure ranking of Survivor things I’ve ever seen on this site/the internet”, well… you’re probably right. When intrepid commenter Kemper Boyd suggested such a thing she didn’t realize that we’d call her bluff, and here we are. As for this being the most obscure ranking of Survivor things you’ll ever seen on this site, well… stay tuned. We’re pretty shameless.

survivor-awkward-hands

During the run of Survivor Second Chance, Andy ranked the Survivor Kellys, giving me the opportunity to look to closely at the hand positioning of Kelly Remington in her photo and get mildly obsessed with how awkward they were, to the point I couldn’t look away. In the comments section, it turned out that Sweaterfan was now also looking at the hands of every one of the Kell(e)ys and obsessing over how awkward many of them looked. Other commenters asked if the hands on the hips is the standard pose for Survivor women and if all the men just cross their arms to show off their biceps. So I decided to answer those important questions by looking at the promo shots for each of the 460 Survivor players from each season (555 photos in total with returning players) and presenting to you the most awkward hands in the history of Survivor promo shots.

10. JT Thomas – Tocantins and Stephen Fishbach – Cambodia: Second Chances

S18_J.T._ThomasS31_Stephen_Fishbach Alas, Stephen Fishbach will never escape the shadow of JT Thomas. Even here, 6 years after failing to take out the golden boy, he can’t even bump him from this list. Rob Cesternino says that returnees take on a little of the winner of their season when they play a second time, Stephen decided just to take the awkward hands in the pockets pose from JT.

9. John Kenney – Vanuatu

S9_John_Kenney
Does he even have a second hand? I’ve seen no proof.

8. Dana Lambert – Philippines

S25_Dana_Lambert

A variation on the classic “What do I do with my hands?”, Dana has chosen a very solid look of snapping her braces (suspenders in your American parlance). If she lets go I worry for her nipples.

7. Semhar Tadesse – South Pacific

S23_Semhar_Tadesse

Hip position? Check. Unnatural arm bend? Check. Weird fingers? Check.

6. Judd Sergeant – Guatemala

S11_Judd_Sergeant

What can you say about Judd, man? He doesn’t know what to do with his damn hands, man!

5. Jessie Camacho – Africa

S3_Jessie_Camacho

This one is slightly cheating, it’s mainly her arms that are really awkward. But they are connected to hands, right?

4. Laura Morett – Samoa

S19_Laura_Morett

Grab the trees, Laura. Just hold on to the trees, everything will be fine.

3. Scout Cloud Lee – Vanuatu

S9_Scout_Cloud_Lee

A classic awkward female Survivor promo shot pose, hands on hips or in waist of bathing suit, this variation with Scout using her basically pointless leather belt speaks to me.

2. Jonathan Penner – Micronesia: Fans vs Favorites

S16_Jonathan_Penner

Oh Penner, no! Not the hat tip, anything but the hat tip.

1. Kelly Remington – Worlds Apart

S30_Kelly_Remington_both

Who could be number 1 but the woman who inspired this whole project? This is the only time in Survivor history Kelly Remington will ever be the best Kelly, and it’s for awkward hands. Sorry, Kelly.

BONUS:

Maralyn “Mad Dog” Hersey – The Australian Outback

S2_Maralyn_Hershey

I love everything about this pose. EVERYTHING.

(You can generally find Kemper Boyd in our comments section. But if that’s not good enough for you, she’s also on Twitter: @kemperboyd_)

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Kemper Boyd

Kemper Boyd became a fan of Survivor after watching Cook Islands because of all the press about the theme, she managed to watch every season by the start of Fiji and has been watching and rewatching ever since. Oh and she's super British so that explains the extra U's in words.

Favourite seasons: HvV, Pearl Islands, Cook Islands, Micronesia, SJDS

Favourite players: Sandra, Kim, Courtney, Parvati, Yul, Nat Anderson
Kemper Boyd
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Latest posts by Kemper Boyd (see all)

  • gouis

    I approve of this post.

    Might I suggest next a ranking of terrible reunion outfits.

    • Kemper Boyd

      This is literally all the validation I needed.

    • purplerockpodcast

      Are you volunteering yourself or Kemper for that one?

      • Kemper Boyd

        I’m game, I maybe already looked at some stills and have a few ideas for who I will feature. Yes I have a problem.

      • gouis

        Kemper did a great job here! If any assistance is needed I will help.

        • Kemper Boyd

          I’ll tweet you dude!

    • Alycia Swift

      Or terrible jury outfits or pieces of clothing (Stephen’s shirt comes to mind).

      • purplerockpodcast

        Please don’t give Kemper (or goius) a reason to write about Savage’s beanie.

        • Kemper Boyd

          I’d be much more about the HUGE shirts he liked to wear.

          • gouis

            Ugh, it was so big.

          • Kemper Boyd

            Probably really comfy though, like going to tribal council in pajamas.

          • purplerockpodcast

            Phrasing!

  • Other Scott

    *raises hand*

    I think Kelly Remington is the best Kelly. Haven’t seen Goldsmith or Czarnecki yet though.

    • Kemper Boyd

      Did you just see Wentworth? and are you putting her above Wiglesworth? This really is more of a discussiong for the post that ranks Kell(e)ys.

      • Other Scott

        The thing about Wentworth is she was really helped by her role in the season, that underdog who tries to upset the apple cart and just falls short is not going to be anything but a fan favourite (see Bledsoe, Spencer.) Wiglesworth is kind of dull, also helped by her role in Borneo.

        That said, I should revise my statement to favourite Kelly. Cambodia Wentworth is probably the best Kell(e)y.

        • Kemper Boyd

          yeah best and favourite are different, we’ll never know how good Remington could have been as she was idoled out of the game, stupidly too, they should have been going for Mike or Rodney.

          • Saturday Evening Palsy

            Why didn’t they go for Rodney!

          • Kemper Boyd

            because no one thought he was actually the mastermind of the alliance. As annoying as he was, he really was quite good at the game. It may be the case of a guy who got the perfect player mix to do it and who would not be as good again but he was one of the best players that season.

          • Roswulf

            As I remember, the main logic for taking out Remington is that she was the glue holding the alliance together. And that wasn’t entirely wrong- taking out Kelly ultimately helped to split Mike irrevocably from his erstwhile allies. Taking out Rodney or Mike could have led to a MORE stable dominant alliance, and to an even more Pagong-y season.

            I don’t blame them for not anticipating that Mike would go on an unprecedented immunity run to the end and Rodney would somehow stop being a goat through sheer force of Will and Dan being worse.

          • Kemper Boyd

            I think a fair amount of it was also anger. Hallie and Jenn were PISSED Kelly flipped straight back to the blue collars.

          • andythesaint

            I think it was anger more than strategy. The “glue” justification may have just been to give a reason to do what their anger mad them want to do. At least that’s the impression I got from post-season interviews.

            A key part is that they didn’t know that they were voting to get rid of someone, since only Jenn knew she had an idol. So it was about throwing some spite votes on someone (similar to the Savage vote this past season, where Ciera and Abi didn’t know their votes would matter).

          • Kemper Boyd

            It is actually the thought I had re the Savage boot at the time was that it was a bit like Remington’s boot in that they went after an actually superfluous lieutenant of the eventual winner and at the time most dangerous player in the game not that player. It leads me to believe a minority alliance should be voting for the player they view as the biggest threat at all times, just in case your brochancho has an idol and will use it.

            Did you listen to Wentworth’s interview on RHAP? She said the only way to get the witches to vote for Jeremy would have been to tell them about the idol and she couldn’t do that because everyone was talking to everyone and she couldn’t trust that even telling two people, it wouldn’t get back to the others.

      • gouis

        He said Kelly not Kelley! It slides via technicality.

        • Kemper Boyd

          That’s why I always spell it Kell(e)y so we know to include Wentworth

  • sweaterfan

    Woohoo I love being name-checked in anything related to awkwardness (my natural state)!
    Fun fact: I wrote this entire post with my hands tucked awkwardly into a useless leather belt

    • Kemper Boyd

      Can we be friends in real life? I love everything about this comment.
      Plus typing this with my hands in my braces was really hard.

      • sweaterfan

        Shall we attempt a high five, or would that end in concussions for all?

  • purplerockpodcast

    I’d just like to point out that I’m glad that Jessie from Africa made this list. For heterosexual male reasons.

    • Kemper Boyd

      Does the hug herself with sexy eyes pose do it for you?

      • purplerockpodcast

        It doesn’t *not* do it for me.

        • Kemper Boyd

          If this had been a just awkwardest photo post then Natalie Bolton being so sexy would have made it.
          Her alternate shots are also gold.

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/95a12cb54af39551ec2425789f470b229d13135413947620c050a2e696da1008.jpg

          • purplerockpodcast

            Didn’t I request that you expand it to “most awkward press photos”? And yes, Natalie definitely qualifies.

            Another lock: Vince from Worlds Apart. It legitimately looked like he had breasts.

          • Kemper Boyd

            I can do one on general press photos too but the hands man, too good an opportunity to give up. Vince is up there, Darrah’s is awful, Fairplay 1.0 and 2.0, Randy. Oh god, I’m going to have to look through them all through again.

  • Purple Rock Emma

    Do Brits refer to both suspenders and braces for your teeth as braces? That seems confusing when talking about nerds. Or do Brits even use braces for their teeth lol British teeth joke.

    • Kemper Boyd

      Boo this post was better before it decided not to piost the images

      Basically yes, braces are on your teeth or holding up your trousers. And yes we have teeth ones but they are not as ubiquitous because we do not think every small issue needs to be corrected to leave you completely the same as everyone else.

      • purplerockpodcast

        U-S-A! U-S-A!

      • Purple Rock Emma

        Whatever, now I’m not gap-toothed and am comfortable smiling with my teeth showing. I look so sassy in all my childhood photos with closed-lip smiles.

        • Kemper Boyd

          That’s cool, you’d probably have got them here too with a gap but I have a crowded jaw and didn’t get them, my lateral incisors are behind my front incisors but it doesn’t make a huge difference to how my teeth look or how I eat. Every American I know is shocked I wasn’t given braces.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            I had a crowded jaw too! I had my canine teeth pulled when I was 6 and they didn’t grow back until I was 11 (and already had braces). And you couldn’t even tell I had teeth missing. Although I suppose the gap contributed to that.

          • Kemper Boyd

            I was told because my teeth were far behind if they ever did give me braces it wouldn’t be until I was 20 so I said nah in the end.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Yeah that’s fair. The only thing worse than having braces as a teenager is having braces as an adult.

          • Kemper Boyd

            My main disability is that I can’t bite things like tape or thread like most people can. That and apples, I find apples very hard to eat without a knife.

  • Barbara Anderson

    I am so flipping happy about this post, especially since I remember this conversation. Go Kemper!

    • Kemper Boyd

      Cheers Babs (is Babs ok?)

      • Barbara Anderson

        It works. I also go by BJ as well.

  • hornacek
  • Alycia Swift

    Totally on a different subject but is anyone in the NY area going to that charity event for the arthritis foundation with some Survivors on January 30?

    • purplerockpodcast

      I’m not. There is a chance I will go to the NY-area live Know-It-Alls this season, but it’s not a definite.

  • Other Scott

    Just noticed the guest contributor profile picture is drunk Jenn. That’s just about perfect.

  • EmAndScoutInBK

    How on earth did I miss this? Fabulous.

    • Kemper Boyd

      why thank you!

  • Mike Hirsch

    Nicely done! I would read a definitive ranking of every Survivor contestant promo shot for awkwardness. Just saying.

    • Kemper Boyd

      Do you want to kill me dude?

      • Mike Hirsch

        Well…no, no, I guess not.

        • Kemper Boyd

          Now I’ve spent some time on a train considering how I would do this, how does one rank 500+ photos when many of them will have very little difference?

          • Mike Hirsch

            Hmm. Ties. Lots and lots of ties.

          • Kemper Boyd

            I haven’t checked but I imagine Fishbach 1.0 and 2.0 will be high up though.