Fan-casting Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty: Our list

We certainly weren’t the first podcast to do it, but we were probably the drunkest.

If you can’t listen to the podcast because you’re allergic to audio, here is the list we ended up choosing (after challenges eliminated four of our initial picks). But seriously, listen to the podcast when you can, it’s a really good episode.

Brawn

James

Our first pick actually overlaps with Rob Cesternino’s list. But James is, as Andy put it, the definition of Survivor brawn. It’s difficult to think of muscular Survivors without James coming to mind. And admit it, you spend a lot of time thinking about muscular Survivors.

Kelly

Kelly, Survivor's first silver medal
Kelly, Survivor’s first silver medal

Kelly was Survivor’s original immunity beast, winning four challenges in a row. Her second-place finish changed the course of the show for the better, but could she finish one spot better on a second attempt?

Terry

Terry Deitz, master of immunity (except when it matters most)
Terry Deitz, master of immunity (except when it matters most)

Terry makes the cut for being an older immunity challenge dominator that we haven’t seen again since his original season.

Alicia

Alicia’s abs, available to grate your cheese or do your old-timey laundry washing

Alicia’s was one of several exceptionally bitter jurors in Survivor: All-Stars, and that may have kept her from returning to the show. But Alicia is as strong as nearly any Survivor the show has ever had, making her an ideal candidate for the Brawn tribe.

Big Tom
Big Tom: All brawn, no beauty

Speaking of bitter All-Star jurors, Tom has sadly never been invited back to the show after delivering a heaping bowl of sour grapes to Survivor’s favorite Rob. But Tom is strong without being beautiful (except on the inside), and he makes for entertaining TV.

Amy

Amy O'Hara: Accent not actually as awful as Andy's imitation of it
Amy O’Hara: Accent not actually as awful as Andy’s imitation of it

Hey, Amy used to be on Survivor! Probably. And she was strong! Probably. Let’s move on.

Brains

Jaison

Jaison from Samoa: More smart than sexy
Jaison from Samoa: More smart than sexy

If you don’t remember Jaison, it’s because it was hard for anyone outside of Russell to get screen time in Samoa. But Jaison is a Stanford undergrad who went on to Chicago law, so he definitely has the academic chops for this tribe. And he’ll give the Brains some athleticism.

Cirie

Cirie: Best to never win. Take that, Rob C!
Cirie: Best to never win. Take that, Rob C!

Cirie is another player that made Rob Cesternino’s list. But like Big Tom, Cirie is good entertainment. Need proof of Cirie’s brains? She hatched the plan to get Erik to give up his immunity in Fans vs. Favorites. Who thought that would work? Probably not even Cirie, but she made it happen.

Yau Man

Yau Man: Champion of the fake immunity idol
Yau Man: Because Andy was determined to copy Rob C’s picks

Yau Man has glasses, so you know he’s smart. He also managed to win immunity challenges with his brains, creatively start fires, and broker a genius deal with Dreamz that ended up backfiring on him.

Becky

Becky: Pretty, sure, but we're focusing on her brains here
Pretty, sure, but we’re focusing on her brains here

Playing in Yul’s shadow, it was easy to overlook Becky. But she’s got the academic resume and the Survivor skill to be brought back for a second chance. Of course, the reason you remember her is that she struggled to start a fire. With matches.

Stephen

Fishbach: So brawny we almost didn't include him
So brawny we almost didn’t include him

Speaking of playing in someone else’s shadow, Stephen might have to go to the Philippines to escape JT’s charming, country boy shadow. He ended up on the Brains tribe because there wasn’t any room left on the Brawn tribe.

Eliza

Eliza: Pretty, and pretty smart
Pretty, and pretty smart

Sophie is the one that actually made the cut in the podcast, but upon further review Eliza takes this spot. Eliza’s academic background is nice, but the real reason she tops Sophie here is entertainment value: Eliza’s “it’s a f*cking stick” comment combined with her jury reactions help convince us to save Sophie for an all-winners season.

Beauty

Brendan

Sorry Ian, Brendan is super hot
Sorry Ian, Brendan is super hot

Ian from Palau was our choice in the podcast, but upon further review Brendan is much hotter. What were we, drunk?

Erinn

Sorry you got bumped, Kourtney, but Erinn is hot
Sorry you got bumped Kourtney, but Erinn is hot

Erinn is actually our third Tocantins cast member. She’s also the second beauty from Tocantins, which might make you think Tocantins was Survivor’s sexiest season. Nope, that was One World. Which is why Erinn took the place of Kourtney Moon from One World after Kourtney’s spot was challenged.

Mike

Generically attractive Mike
Generically attractive Mike

Hey, this guy’s attractive.

Christina

Christina: Rumor has it she might not have the chops for the Brains tribe
No pre-game picture of Christina; she looked better after 30 days.

Christina actually looked better the longer she stayed on the show. By the final four, she might have been the sexiest of the sexy group of ladies still in the game.

Jay

Seriously, you see his pubes when you google. It's so gross.
Jay Byars. Not shown: pubes.

I just saw a really gross picture of Jay when I was searching for this image. Don’t do a Google Image Search for Jay Byars.

Colleen

Colleen: Never coming back to Survivor
Damn you, Rob Schneider!

Colleen is never coming back to Survivor. I blame Rob Schneider. She is also remarkably good at keeping recent images of herself off the internet, or at least making them too difficult for 7 seconds of Googling to uncover. Colleen was the original Survivor beauty, and without any evidence to the contrary we’ll assume she’s retained her good looks.

That’s our list. Feel free to argue with us, although we’d prefer you did so by emailing us at purplerockpodcast at gmail or by sending us hateful @ messages on Twitter (@purplerockpod).

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Andy and John are the hosts of the Purple Rock Survivor podcast.
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