Judge Matt Decides: Millennials vs Gen X, week 2

To honor Survivor‘s battle of Millennials vs Gen-Xers we have decided to pit our own Gen-Xers (Andy and John) against our Millennials (Emma and Mark). Each week they will submit generation appropriate scenarios for the coming episode. Sitting in decision is Matt, born in the year that Survivor forgot. He will be ruling each week on which is the best scenario. Welcome to Judge Matt Decides.

judgematt_bnr

Gen-X

Andy

In an effort to pick up the spirits of the tribe, Jessica makes each of the Gen X tribe a bracelet from loose string and beads. Paul gives a confessional about how it really made everyone feel better to get a little something that reminded them that they’re all important members of the team. He completely fails to see the irony.

Andy presents a compelling case, but is it actually ironic?

But Bender’s definition is only applicable to verbal irony. Situational irony is a situation that is strange or funny because things happen in a way that seems to be the opposite of what you expected. So clearly Andy’s correct use of irony reveals that he failed to learn the lessons of one of Gen-X’s great sages.

alanis
Also one of his national heroes.

But in the end Andy is speaking for that most Gen-X of notions: that the only ship, is friendship.

friendship-bracelets

 

John

The medical crew flies in, huddling around Paul. He’s laying on the ground, clutching his chest.
“It’s my heart, doc! Help me!”
Dr. Joe leans in for a closer look. As he does, Paul reaches to grab the acoustic guitar that Dr. Joe keeps strapped to his back at all times.
“Just fucking with you, I’m fine,” Paul says, springing to his feet. “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.”

oasis
Editor’s note: Today was gonna be the day I was gonna throw it back to you.

You might be sitting there, nodding and thinking “Yes, yes! Wonderwall! Perfect for those crusty old Gen-Xers!” But I have to rule against John. John had the scenario perfectly set up, and man it was going to be a hot one. He flew six inches from the midday sun. He was almost there. But he picked the wrong song. And that was not very Smooth.

rob-thomas

Millennials

Emma

As the supposed leader of the “freaks and geeks” alliances, Mari uses the impending showmance of Taylor and Figgy to try to turn everyone against them. However, she is then seen as slut-shaming Figgy for expressing her sexuality, and the rest of the tribe instead publicly shames Mari at the next challenge.

FREAKS AND GEEKS
Pictured above: Mari, Adam, Zeke and some other people whose names I have already forgotten.

I think I need a trigger warning before ruling on this, so let us all gather together in the Purple Rock safe space. Look, slut-shaming is wrong, mmmkay? And I am frankly disappointed in Emma here for engaging in this behavior.

Look Emma, both Mari and Figgy can be strong, sex-positive women without turning on one another for engaging in flirtatious behavior. I think we all need to gather around and shame Emma for endorsing and engaging in this harmful stereotyping.

shame

Mark 

While the Triforce alliance tries to surf their way through Hyrule, the rest of the Millenials tribe is looking for a payday. Mari and Hannah team up to start a network of tree mail stations around Fiji, where you can place your island diary in a box and carrier seagulls take them to all the other islands. Sensing a brilliant idea, Mari exclaims “You know what’s better than a million dollars? A billion dollars!” to Jeff at Tribal and walks off.  

Wait, surfers looking for a payday?  I think I know what we really want to see here:

point-break
Editor’s note: This is Point Break. Learn your history, youths.

Of course, Mari in this scenario runs into the problem that all millennials face: how to monetize their ideas. The key is to find a way for old people (who have money), to give that money to the young people (who don’t have money), all while convincing the old people that they should pay for this service that was just offered to them freely. My suggestion?

sharks

Ruling

While we are presented with a number of good scenarios here, I have to go with Gen X.  They win an old VHS copy of the Goonies complete with network commercials from 1991.  Of course, since the Millennials are from the participation trophy generation, they also win a prize.  They win a torrented copy of Super 8 that will almost certainly infect their computers with tons of malware.

Do you agree with Judge Matt? Who do you think presented the best scenario?

Who had the best scenario for week 2?

  • Andy - Paul loves his participation trophy (38% Votes)
  • Emma - SHAME! (27% Votes)
  • John - Anyway, here's Wonderwall... (19% Votes)
  • Mark - Island Facebook (16% Votes)

Total Voters: 37

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Matt

Matt has an irrational dislike for all contestants named Michel(l)e. Also if he ever takes a strong stance about why everyone else is wrong, it is he that is inevitably wrong.

Favorite seasons: Micronesia, Heroes vs. Villains, Palau, Philippines, Pearl Islands, Cagayan
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  • Black Dynamite

    I’m ready for a showmance triangle between Jay, Figgy and Taylor with all parties being cool and happy with the situation. It’s the best case scenario for the Triforce.

    • That actually would be pretty interesting to watch.

      • sharculese

        O/T, but I’m assuming you don’t listen to All the Fixin’s, so I thought I should alert you that Max had some solid burns about Tyler’s blandness this week.

        • I’ve probably supplied them to him via DM at some point.

          • sharculese

            They were doing their segment on Joe and Wigglesworth’s new show and as part of it Max made a graph of how much “mana” various people have so you can tell whether you have it or not. Tyler was dead in the center because Max said he’s the perfectly average human being, neither interesting nor uninteresting, and then he called him the pictograph of a man on a bathroom sign. Were either of those yours?

          • Nah, I was joking. But as Andy has let slip on the podcast, I have a weird, burning hatred for the most mundanely awful Survivor players.

    • Kemper Boyd

      A polyamorous relationship would be so fucking perfect for the millennials.

    • Hornacek

      I think a showmance triangle will happen between Jay, Taylor and Figs. But I think (and hope) instead of the two guys fighting over Figs, it will be one of the guys and Figs fighting over the other guy. Showmance vs. Bromance.

  • Hornacek

    “Editor’s note: This is Point Break. Learn your history, youths.”

    Millennial: You mean that movie that came out last year?

  • Hornacek

    The most important question is … in the Purple’s Court, who is Rusty the bailiff?

    • Sylvisual

      Randy Bailey.

      • Hornacek

        Yes. A million times this.

  • Hornacek

    Does the old VHS copy of the Goonies also come with Cyndi Lauper’s “The Goonies Are Good Enough” music videos? BOTH of them?

  • Kemper Boyd

    I have voted against my generation. I AM SORRY.

  • MrBurkesButtons

    Didn’t see a thread for this in the liveblog or podcast comments (congrats on the flood of new participants!), so I’ll post it here… which Freaks and Geeks character do you think best matches each member of the Millennial tribe?

    My Picks
    Mari — Lindsay; could most easily fit into any crowd (she’s popular for a living)
    Will — Sam; the baby
    Figgy — Cindy; indisputably in the popular crowd, but not cruel
    Michelle — Millie; religious, not necessarily a popular kid, but rejected by the Freaks anyway
    Zeke — Neal; stuffy for his age, judgmental in a funny way
    Hannah — Bill; can’t disguise nerdiness, doesn’t want to
    Adam — Nick; actually cares about things, lovable but can’t win
    Taylor — Daniel; handsome in his way, leaches off others
    Jay — Ken; has little to say, generally follows Daniel’s lead
    Michaela — Kim; rough childhood (yeah, this one’s a stretch)

    • Other Scott

      That started great! Then when you got to Adam as Nick things got a little tough. But overall I don’t think I could do a better job.

      • MrBurkesButtons

        Yep, that’s where the list starts to derail… at least until we find out Adam’s really into drumming.

  • DrVanNostrand

    Andy’s scenario reminded me of the Africa friendship bracelet debacle. I still voted for him, even though he made me think of Africa (ugh).

    (Edit: By ‘Africa’, of course I mean ‘Survivor: Africa’. Otherwise that last sentence is weird.)

    • andythesaint

      Hateful.

  • Mike Hirsch

    Any real VHSer worth his salt would pause out the commercials as they were recording. And don’t give me that “setting the timer” crap, you all know that a showing of Goonies would have been appointment tv.

    • Purple Rock Emma

      We had a mix of both, but sometimes it was fun seeing the old commercials.

      • Hornacek

        Watching the old commercials is the best part about watching the Star Wars Holiday Special.

        (that is a low bar)

    • prettyboyprobst

      So many botched recordings, but that could never stop me from trying! #gen-x

  • Diego Armando

    HOLD IT!

    Why isn’t Emma’s head on Miles Edgeworth or (if you desire to keep the same gender) Franziska Von Karma?

    • Sylvisual

      This is…a really good point. Will have to edit for next week.

  • prettyboyprobst

    I’m not sure if Andy is aware, but for everyone who isn’t, people are actually wearing friendship bracelets on Survivor AU right now, so come and watch!

    Of course, this would have been enough to ensure my vote, but I like to think that I would have given it to him either way.

    • andythesaint

      I actually didn’t know that. A nice coincidence.

  • prettyboyprobst

    Emma’s scenario came pretty close to what actually happened. Could that cost her the admission?

    • Sylvisual

      I’d say our combined ability at telling the future should shame the olds.