Judging the Coolness of Past Survivor Pretty People Alliances

It seems like it happens every season: a group of young, hot castaways form a clique despite being the minority. Sometimes they find a way to run the game anyway, other times the outsiders band together.

We’re all nerds here (except Andy, or so he claims), so we have a rough idea about which of these alliances were the most successful and which ones crashed and burned like Mike Skupin. But there’s a more important question, one that has no easy answer: Which alliance of pretty people was the coolest? I did some investigating and found results that are 100% objective and indisputable.

Malakal Couples Alliance

micronesia-parvati-james-ozzy-amanda-malakal couples alliance
Amanda: Hooked up with the popular guy, +50; Beauty queen, +30
Ozzy: Jock, +40; Declared love in front of an audience, -25
Parvati: Sabotaged best friend’s relationship, +80; Ditched popular friends for outsiders, -100
James: Tall, +30; Against girl power +15
Total: 120

Cool Kids Alliance

survivor-caramoan-eddie-reynold-allie-hope-cool kids table
Reynold: Great at throwing things, +75; Ironic mustache -40
Allie: Douchebro negged her on TV, -20; Likes Survivor, -175
Eddie: Knows first aid, -30; Dream is to open a dog bar, +200
Hope: Very pretty, +60; Graduated college summa cum laude, -30
Total: 40

Young Ogakor

ogakor-australian outback-jerri-colby
Colby: Jock, +40; Nice to older women -15
Jerri: Spread a rumor about fellow tribemate, +70; Failed to attract the object of her affection, -50
Mitchell: Tall, +30; Too tall; -35
Amber: Young, +20; There, +0
Total: 60

Jabaru Clique

survivor-amazon-heidi-rob-alex-jenna
Jenna: In a sorority, +35; Swimsuit model, +65
Alex: Winning side in a love triangle with Shawna, +50; Told the truth, -10
Heidi: Looks down on those less attractive than herself, +40; Has high IQ, -25
Rob: Funny, +5; Super fan of Survivor, -300
Total: -140

Raro Alliance

cook islands-nate-adam-parvati-candice-raro alliance
Nate: Provides network-approved diversity +60, Cool hair, +10
Parvati: Flirts a lot +15; Hot tubs with two attractive dudes, +40
Candice: Attracts a misfit after showing minimal kindness; +10, Lets Adam kiss her, -50
Adam: Gets to kiss Candice, +50; Has his face, -30
Total: 105

Savaii Couples

savaii alliace-keith-whitney-elyse-ozzy

Keith: Bullied the nerd, +20; Homewrecker, +40
Whitney: Was on two reality shows, +25; Cuckolded husband, +40
Ozzy: Older jock, +20; Pigtails, -40
Elyse: Doesn’t do poetry, +15; Was the jock’s second choice after the chick who does poetry, -30
Total: 90

And there you have it folks. Parvati’s alliance is the coolest of all the alliances. In second place? Parvati’s alliance. Hard to argue with that.

Emma
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Emma

Emma is the token chick of the Purple Rock Podcast. She has watched the show continuously since the second episode and is pretty sure she's never seen the pilot.

Favorite seasons: Heroes vs. Villains, Micronesia, Cambodia, Cook Islands, China, Philippines

Favorite players: Courtney Yates, Parvati Shallow, John Cochran, Cirie Fields, Yul Kwon, Kim Spradlin
Emma
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68 thoughts on “Judging the Coolness of Past Survivor Pretty People Alliances

  1. From this we deduce that Eddie is the coolest person to ever be in one of these alliances. Which makes perfect sense.

    I also deduce that Eddie is the only reason the Cool Kids alliance was cool, as otherwise they were really in the negatives.

    I’m pretty tempted to ask for the No Collars alliance in Worlds Apart (Jenn, Hali, Joe, Shirin), but we all know Shirin sinks it.

      1. It’s taken a really, really long time, but I now realise Jenn and Hali were wrong to boot Nina. Purely because if it hadn’t been Nina, it would have been Will. I wish it had been Will.

  2. Love this. Solid reasoning, hard to argue with the results. Parvati’s alliances would have to win. However, should we include the Africa Mallrats alliance in the analysis? It seems like they would be one of the originals and one of the clique-iest.

      1. Yeah, if this was a historical analysis of the trend, the Africa and Marquesas groups would need mention. But this is not that.

  3. Here’s the basic formula for a Cool Kids alliance in Survivor:
    1. Alpha Bro
    2. His Bro
    3. The Alpha’s showmance
    4. Her friend

    In The Amazon, Jenna and Heidi were the bros.

          1. Sorry to cross the streams, but BJ isn’t participating in the Australian Survivor comments: Hey @disqus_GpYJ355BVM:disqus: Apparently Flick (either #1 or #2 in the power ranking at this point) is dating Benry’s brother or some such. What’s up with that?

          2. I think that was brought up in the Wiggle Room if I am not mistaken. I knew that Benry was/spends a considerable amount of time down under because he is close with Ami who lives and works in New Zealand, so I’m not terribly shocked.

          3. Shawna and Heidi were both fighting for Alex’s affection, which was mooted when Shawna got voted out, and then, in the only time where I’m transferring Survivor gossip to you, Alex and Heidi hooked up at Ponderosa.

          4. Fine, finish that and then enjoy Amazon without the feeling of being a couple episodes away from having to drink the funny kool-aid.

          5. Little tip for if you’re gonna watch Amazon – when CBS made seasons available on streaming platforms they didn’t bother repaying for the rights to any of the players’ musical performances from the old seasons, so Rob’s iconic confessional when he votes of Roger is cut. If you’re gonna stream that, make sure you Youtube Rob’s bit. It shouldn’t be hard to find since it’s in the funny 115.

          6. Hornacek, you don’t realize how many seasons I haven’t watched. You see, true millennials binge watch seasons or impatiently look up what happened on Survivor Wikia or listen to a spoiler-filled podcast that tells you who wins what season because you were desperate for Survivor content (cough PRP season rankings cough).

          7. But didn’t I see somewhere else on this page that you were currently watching South Pacific? If so, stop watching SP, watch all of Amazon, then watch it again with Rob and Jenna’s commentary, then start watching another season, hopefully forgetting all about South Pacific.

          8. If you’re making a friend watch South Pacific then that friend may end up not liking you anymore.

            Just trying to save your friendship.

          9. I’m saving the email link to this comment to come back to in a few months time when your friendship is on the rocks because she won’t stop saying “Why did you make me watch that awful, awful season?”

            Although I guess, if your friendship survived Nicaragua, you’re safe with any other season.

          10. Fully agree. Amazon is a much better season than South Pacific. And I did not like Jenna or Heidi and liked Sophie.

          11. I watched everything from Africa to Blood vs. Water in the span of the start of San Juan del Sur to the premier of World’s Apart, but maybe you lack my poor decision making skills and terrible sleep patterns.

          12. I was so desperate for podcasts about the older seasons that I listened to what little was available from the Survivor Historians back on my initial binge-watch through the seasons.
            I tried to fast forward and/or sing over whenever spoilers for later seasons came up, but that didn’t work to well and I got spoiled a lot.

  4. A fine reminder of how bizarre Cook Islands is- the season where Ozzy isn’t in his natural place as one of the least cool members of a pretty douchebag alliance.

    1. Well, AFTER the swap at least. Pre-swap, he pulled off a signature cool kids move: throwing a challenge to get rid of the fat kid he had ostracized.

  5. Andy is a nerd, whether he admits it or not. He’s Canadian (which makes him a nerd automatically), and he’s friends with an accountant, two people who wear glasses, and a Survivor reject. If nothing else, he’s a nerd by association.

    Seriously, though, you’re all cool. So, to stroke your egos, who’s the coolest of the PRP gang? Discuss.

    1. Well, Emma and I are nearly identical in age. If there’s anything I’ve learned so far this season it’s that people who are my age are better than people who aren’t. So I say Emma is the coolest.

    1. The rankings would be very different if it was based on things I think are cool. But what can you do? Science is science.

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