People’s Survivor Blog- Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers uninformed preview

We aren’t doing a preview podcast for this season, so welcome to your consolation prize: the least informative preview you could imagine.

John is a nerd on the internet who has never been on Survivor, but has been podcasting about Survivor since 2013. This season, in The People’s Survivor blog, he will blog about his experiences as a Survivor viewer. Follow John on Twitter @purplerockjohn.

“39 days, 18 people, hundreds of stupid Reddit comments, 1 Survivor.” – Jeff Probst

I’m not going to lie to you guys: I am woefully unprepared for this season. Normally at this point, I’ve devoured player bios, scoured pregame interviews, suffered through all the “meet the cast” videos, and occasionally hyped the Survivors I’m excited for. At the very least, I’ve got some kind of opinion on every player. Sometimes, those opinions are indisputably correct. Other times, well, we all make mistakes.

But this off-season, my crippling laziness has combined with a steady stream of hurricanes to prevent me from reaching my normal level of pre-game obsession. I have read nothing about any of the players. I’ve seen no videos. I don’t even know everyone’s name. And that, of course, gives me the exact qualifications necessary to provide you with the most uninformed season preview we’ve ever had.

Here’s how this is going to go: I’ve got a picture and a name for each player. That’s it. No age, no job, no idea which tribe a player is on. With only two data points, I’m going to make an assessment of each player. What could possibly go wrong? Let’s do this. (Note: I’ll be going by the order they’re listed on CBS’ Survivor cast page.)

Alan

Alan is definitely making the “I’m politely laughing at your joke even though it wasn’t really that funny” face in his bio pic. Trust me, I’ve seen that face a lot. He is also built like a fucking tank. I assume that means he’s on the Heroes tribe, because in Survivor parlance heroes are people who have a gym membership. They’re also generally people that aren’t very great at confessionals or gameplay. I’m not expecting a lot from Alan.

Patrick

I assume Survivor casting stumbled upon Patrick while he was at a local bar celebrating his new role as Generic Drunken Irishman in some movie. He’s somehow already managed to get sunburned for his official cast photo, but more importantly his sunburn looks like he was wearing a tank top for the 45 seconds it took for the sunlight to help him share a skin tone with a Red Delicious apple- the indisputable worst of all apples.

Patrick is the answer to the question, “What would Cochran look like if he’d become best bros with Eddie after Caramoan and spent all his time hitting the gym and growing mediocre facial hair?”

Ben

Did this motherfucker get lost on his way to Winterfell? I bet The North Remembers how Ben got a tattoo on his chest that looks like Bran Stark’s head on a fucking bird. Ben has a beard that looks like it would be more at home at a Brad Paisley concert than some hipster coffee shop, so I’m guessing he’s supposed to be one of the Real Americans that Survivor likes to cast.

The number of tattoos and the Real American vibe make me think that Ben is probably ex-military, so he’ll be contractually required to give a confessional suggesting that the conditions in Fiji aren’t actually that tough because he knows what tough living truly is. This confessional will take place while Survivor‘s editors subtly play patriotic music in the background.

Ali

Wow, that is a very seductive look for a cast picture. I think every other player’s picture is smiling, and Ali chose to give a look that says, “I’m going to take your man. Or your woman. Or you, if that’s what I decide I want.” Did Parvati’s pregame pics look like this when Probst called her a flirty sexy flirting sexpot? Because damn.

Also, I’m no expert, but I don’t think that hair is going to hold up in Fiji.

JP

“Hi, I’m JP. You may remember me from such previous roles as ‘Guy who played college sports and never misses an opportunity to remind you about it’, or ‘Guy in the locker room who hangs out in a towel talking on his phone instead of getting dressed.’ I’m very excited to be here on the Jon Misch Scholarship For Handsome Yet Uninteresting People. My strategy will be to convince everyone that we need to vote out the weakest people, until the weakest people realize that they can just band together and vote me out.”

Chrissy

Chrissy looks almost apologetic, like she’s sorry that she’s about to make you watch her play Survivor. She wants you to know that she’s going to try her best, though. And I would bet money that there’s something in her bio or pregame interviews that’s along the lines of, “I came out here to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to.”

I’d also bet money that she’s an actual fan of the show. She’s the odds-on favorite to geek out over something Probst does when it hits her that she’s playing the game instead of watching it.

Jessica

Oh look, it’s Great Value Andrea Boehlke! Other than looking like a knock-off version of Andrea, there’s not much to come away with here. She looks vaguely muscular in this pic, so I’ll guess that she’s in the Heroes tribe because she has used a Smith machine before.

Roark

I assume that name is pronounced as if you added an R in front of the word orc, or like the sound a lion makes followed by a short cough at the end. Although it would be amazing if it was actually pronounced “row ark”, and her parents named her that because they were inspired by the Biblical story of Noah’s Ark and they hoped she’d grow up to love animals and possibly be vegan. But that’s probably too much to hope for.

Roark is probably a barista who intentionally spells your name wrong on your coffee cup to let you know how it feels to have people fuck up your name. That outfit gives off vague hippie vibes, though. Roark might also be someone who tells you about the healing power of crystals.

Cole

What’s up with Cole’s eye in that picture? Is it just me or does he have like a pinkeye thing going or something? I kinda hope it is pinkeye, because Cole is definitely the person that my wife will say, “I don’t think any of these guys are that attractive, but I guess I’d say Cole comes the closest” a few weeks before I see “Cole Survivor shirtless” popping up in our computer’s search history.

Cole looks like he might be like Jay from Millennials vs Gen X– someone that I dramatically underestimated before the season started, but grew on me very quickly. But now that I’ve set higher expectations for Cole, I can only assume he’ll completely fail to live up to those expectations.

Joe

Hey, it’s Great Value Tony Vlachos! Joe has a smile that lets you know he just did some massive damage in the office toilet and you don’t want to go in there for at least 10-15 more minutes. He also has a tan that makes it look like he regularly wears tank tops. I don’t know if those two things are related, but it feels like they might be.

At least the Fiji beach won’t ruin his hair.

Simone

This is the exact face Simone will make when she’s the second or third person voted out and she’s giving her post-boot confessional about how her tribe really underestimated her and they made the wrong decision. I hope she enjoys the pre-jury trip, at least.

Ashley

Oh hello, Google image search for “Midwestern college student”, I’m glad you get to play Survivor this season. (That necklace is the one thing that throws me off about Ashley’s picture, because it makes me worry think that she might be a Floridian instead of a Midwesterner.)

Ashley definitely thinks that she’s “fun” and “a little bit wild”, and that other people are going to love her for that, but she’s not and they won’t. Note that this entire theory goes out the window if she’s Floridian, because “a little bit wild” for a Floridian means that you have at least 3 criminal charges pending against you.

Devon

Devon is definitely on the Hustlers tribe, and it’s because Survivor is going to pretend it’s because he’s got street smarts and works hard. But he’s going to have some ridiculous job like “boogieboard instructor” or “Rollerblade figure skating trainer”, and we’ll all just shrug and go along with it.

Devon’s picture was taken right in the middle of laughing at a fart joke.

Katrina

Oh cool, someone that shares a name with a devastating hurricane! Katrina is a yoga instructor, right? I have a theory that when Survivor gets down to the last spot or two in casting and they just want to finish up, they go on Yelp and recruit yoga studio owners with 2-star ratings that leave passive-aggressive responses to people that left them bad ratings- stuff like, “I’m sorry my class was too difficult for your level of fitness. Perhaps the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese is more your speed.”

If Roark isn’t telling everyone about healing crystals, Katrina definitely will. She might even have one around her neck in that picture. I can’t tell what’s going on there.

Lauren

Whenever you look at a Survivor cast and can’t figure out exactly which slot/stereotype/one-dimensional category someone fits into, that person is the crazy or obnoxious one. About three or four episodes into this season, in Lauren’s boot episode, you’re going to get all kinds of footage showing how she’s driven everyone insane at camp for the past ten days. Maybe she suggested that they should distract the other teams in a challenge by running it naked, or that they could use coconut husks as chamber pots. Then Lauren will give a confessional saying she’s very confident heading into tribal council, and that it’s good that they lost the challenge.

Ryan

Wow. How long has this guy been a Republican? It looks like he came out of the womb with a life goal to take away your healthcare and cut taxes. He is someone that excitedly looks forward to sharing dank memes on Facebook about how socialism is destroying this country. He looks exactly what I imagine every Survivor redditor looks like. I bet they love him. And I bet Ryan thinks Zeke was too obsessed with big moves.

Desi

Oh. Oh, my. In addition to being Female Ken-levels of attractive, Desi looks like she’s done this exact pose for a valedictorian photo or something. She also looks like she’s in good shape (he said, in a Herculean effort of restraint), so maybe she sticks around for a few episodes?

Or maybe she’ll break her wrist in the first challenge and I’ll still talk about her five years later. (What up, Kourtney Moon!)

Mike

This picture is relatable, because Mike seems to be expressing my approximate level of confidence and comfort when someone tells me they want to take a picture of me with my shirt off. (Note: That last sentence only applies when I am sober.)

If Mike lasts until the merge, we’re going to get at least one scene along the way with inspiring music playing in the background as Mike tells us that he came out here and was out of his element and didn’t know if he’d fit in, but he’s really growing confident in himself through this experience.

Then he’ll get voted out.

John
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John

John is the co-host of the Purple Rock Survivor Podcast. He can get loud too, what the fuck!

Favorite seasons: Heroes vs. Villains, Cagayan, Pearl Islands, Tocantins, Cambodia
John
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  • TheForRealDeal

    I award 13/18 points. C-

    • Considering I didn’t study for the test, or attend any classes, or read the book, I’ll take a C-.

      • Saturday Night Palsy

        He’ll, yeah! A 2.014 GPA gets you a college degree!

      • TheForRealDeal

        Don’t sass back at me young man.

    • Hornacek

      I’ll wager 400 quatloos on the newcomers.

  • Diego Armando

    Are you going to put up a predictions page?

    • Andy totally forgot that was a thing that we did. So thank you for the reminder. But also fuck you for making me and the rest of the staff have to do work.

      • Diego Armando

        It’s the least I could do. How else are we going to learn that either Lauren or Simone will be the Hustlers Tribes first boot?

        • StormofCuteness

          Ding, ding, ding! 😂😂😂

  • Maritimer

    Lots of points for totally nailing JP, Simone, and Devon of solely off a picture. Reddit does indeed love Ryan. I think you’ll be proven right on Cole, Lauren, and Ben. (Cole may be the hottest Day 1 male contestant in a long time) There may also be something to your Patrick theory. That said, should have listened to your second thoughts on Ashley.

    • Super duper fan

      Ehhh, I don’t think I agree about Ryan. He isn’t hated, but there were a bunch of people that said that they were hoping he will be voted out first basically because he is another Survivor nerd, which was REALLY evident when the preview for the season came out (but overall opinion of him did took a turn for the positive after the cast came out). Mostly Reddit’s favourites have been Chrissy, Simone and Roark.

      • Maritimer

        I saw that too. The traditional turning on the super fan started quite early this year (I still think there’s a large contingent of fans there though)

    • Blurry Denzel

      Agreed on Cole. Overall this could be the hottest cast ever.

      • Maritimer

        Does this call for a ranking?

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          Blurry Denzel should post under Black Dynamite when he does rankings. Kinda like a super hero.

        • Blurry Denzel

          It does, but a collaborative one. This list would work better with different opinions than just me doing it. People have different tastes.

          • Maritimer

            That’s fair. On top of this and One World, the others that spring to mind are MvGx and Micronesia

          • Tocantins! Tocantins! Tocantins!

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Greatest season ever!

          • Maritimer

            I get too hung up on Coach and don’t think of it, but yeah, that’s a pretty attractive cast, even if it loses a few pre-merge

          • Coach is better looking than Troy or Tarzan.

          • Blurry Denzel

            Not the highest bar to clear for Coach. Tocantins is somewhere up there but I’m not sure it makes “top five, baby” on the hot list

          • Maritimer

            I’m actually going to end up sitting down and figuring this out what my Top 10 is aren’t I?

          • Blurry Denzel

            Yeah, you are. Let the desire for Survivor rankings flow through you and don’t look back.

          • Maritimer

            After painstaking research, here is the list of hottest casts I have complied for ya’ll to criticize:

            1. One World
            2. Micronesia
            3. Triple H (depending on effects of island hot, this one could end up moving)
            4. MvGx
            5. Philippines
            6. Tocantins
            7. SJDS
            8. Cagayan
            9. Panama
            10. China
            Honourable Mention: Amazon

          • BadPlayer91

            From the ‘men’ perspective Micronesia is sorely lacking. Besides Ozzy and James, the rest aren’t too inspiring.

            With regards to men, there is usually at least 1 or 2 attractive men to be excited about in any season. So, it’s really the seasons with 3 or more that should be acknowledged. Off the top of my head, Cook Islands and Amazon come to mind.

          • Maritimer

            I know Micro may be a controversial ranking, but I find Jason, Mikey B, and Erik all fairly attractive and its women pull it WAY up the rankings.

            I probably did CI a disservice with this list, but its the inverse of most seasons, where the men are generally good looking (except Adam’s stupid face) but the women less so

          • BadPlayer91

            I’ll give you Jason, but I’m a meh on Mikey B and a nah on Erik. But i’ll give you that it has plenty of attractive women.

            I think between Candice, Sundra, Becky, and Parvati, there is a good enough argument to include CI.

          • Maritimer

            Yeah, I’m really rethinking where CI should go. I really just overlooked it

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Erik looks better with a better haircut, which is why it’s a shame production made him go back to his Micronesia style for Caramoan. Also kinda a shame he was on Caramoan in the first place, but that’s a different story.

          • BadPlayer91

            Almost anyone with that shag would look better after a haircut, lol. I took a look and agree, but i’m not suddenly smitten.

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            Least hot cast: Gabon
            Least hot cast, men: Vanuatu

            I feel a little creepy naming a least hot cast, women, but I definitely have one in mind.

          • Maritimer

            I actually have no guess as to what that season would be

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            Oh all right: Fiji.

            Melissa McNulty (DNP), Jessica deBen (1st boot), and Michelle Yi (way on the left of the cute/hot spectrum), and that’s really it.

          • Maritimer

            Oh, yeah, that makes sense. My inability to remember most of the women on that cast made me not able to come up with it

          • purplerockandy

            Vanuatu does have a contender for hottest guy though.

          • BadPlayer91

            I agree but also I can really only contribute to the men side. Not that I can’t appreciate an attractive women, but my eyes are pretty dominantly directed toward the men, and thus I mostly just remember them.

            That all being said, Cook Islands had some very attractive men, so I’ll throw that into the ring.

          • Max_Jets

            I think Cambodia is really good on the men’s side and has a little something for everyone. Even Varner had some appeal before the Game Changers incident. Woo and Joe aren’t my type, but Keith is the only real dud.

      • BadPlayer91

        With regard to men: At first glance I remember being like “Yum” but the more i’ve seen the less i’ve been impressed. Cole is pretty cute, JP is handsome but not really my type. Alan is very attractive, but again not my type. Patrick seems like he could be very attractive or not and I have no idea till the season starts. Some of their original ‘cast revealed’ headshots were more attractive then their beach promo, which is neither here nor there. So, yeah, I really have no idea. But i’m always intrigued to figure out who will develop some island hots.

        • Blurry Denzel

          Island hot is huge in determining this list. I was mesmerized by Jessica Lewis by the end of MvGX.

      • One World would like a word…

        • Max_Jets

          I always get confused when I see this, because I immediately think of the -zans. It does have a good looking group of women though.

          • Maritimer

            And the cool kids alliance on the men’s side were all pretty good looking

          • Plus Jay, Michael, and Tall Blonde Guy. But yes, the women are what sells it.

          • Max_Jets

            I’ve never been a Jay Byers man, but I understand he has a LOT of fans.

          • Taako From Teevhii
          • Max_Jets

            He is very cute there. Unfortunately, I know how he talks too.

          • indescribable hat

            Thank you.

          • BadPlayer91

            Ahem…

            *gets fractionally a tiny bit more excited for One World*

        • Blurry Denzel

          It would be the current number one if I did the list today but this cast has a chance to pass it.

          • I feel like this needs a tale of the tape. Head to head matchups.

          • Maritimer

            The bracket this year?

        • Sorry, Troy and Tarzan would like a word with you.

          • Ok, name your hottest cast and I’ll let you know who would like to have a word…

          • We have had this discussion before. My worst is nowhere near your worst as in your worst is way worst.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            #SummerrOfTryz

          • IT’S FALL NOW.

        • Diego Armando

          They were as pretty as their souls were ugly.

  • Purple Rock Emma

    If I didn’t talk to you regularly, I’d be very suspicious of your claim to have not read any of the bios.

    • I do remember that Alan is a former football player. And even though I wouldn’t have recognized him based on the picture, I do recall the name Alan Ball from college football. I think he played for MSU? I vaguely remember them having guys named Ball and Smoker, while Michigan had a player named Butt. (My memory is devoted to very juvenile things.)

      • BadPlayer91

        SPORTS!

        • SPORTS > MOVIES

          • BadPlayer91

            Can. NOT. E.V.E.N!!!!!!!!

          • StormofCuteness

            🙄 No.

      • He did not play for Missouri State.
        #collegejokes

  • Diego Armando

    Who gets the Dead Fishy?

    • sharculese

      All of us.

      • Hornacek

        WE ARE THE WALKING DEAD DEAD FISHY!

  • Mike Hirsch

    This season continues on in Survivor’s ongoing economic theory of “The Law of Diminishing Joes.”

    • Max_Jets

      Hmm, I think I have to disagree. In preference, I’d so far go Joe 4>Joe DC (3)>Anglim(2)>Dowdle(1)
      So the opposite. But Joe 3 is a worse player than Joe 2 so that part is accurate.

    • TheForRealDeal

      But things are looking up for the Mikes!

    • He could be the first Joe not seen by medical, so that’s good.

      • Mike Hirsch

        He could, but then again, maybe not?

    • Hornacek

      Pro: In his Josh interview, Joe said that the Kaoh-Rong jury was bitter and didn’t understand how they could vote for Michele.
      Con: He said that the jury should have voted for Tai, not Aubry.

  • StormofCuteness

    Ok, I did laugh at many of these, and it made me think you’d be good on Wanda Sykes new gameshow Face Value.

    Anyway, I think you’re going to be surprised by Ryan, Roark, Jessica, and Patrick. In other words, my whole team. *glare*

    • Purple Rock Emma

      To be fair, his assessment on Ryan’s politics is remarkably accurate.

      • BadPlayer91

        Yeah. He was pretty right on with Ryan. Which is as amazing and upsetting as it should be.

        • StormofCuteness

          Wait, what? What have I done? How did I miss this?

          This is what I get for not watching the full videos, isn’t it? I’m kinda sick to my stomach now.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            One of his pet peeves is “political correctness.” He gets less subtle in other interviews etc though.

          • StormofCuteness

            Egads! Having a Republican or *shudder* Trump supporter on my team is the last thing I want. Why did I think he was more of a Cochran?

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Stereotyping the scrawny?

          • StormofCuteness

            Ha! It was more the superfandom, but Cochran, David, and Ryan do all have the scrawny thing too.

          • the sky is falling

            I think Mike is the David/Cochran on this season

          • StormofCuteness

            Hrm, I like David and Cochran a lot. I couldn’t stand what I saw of Mike. Maybe I’ll be wrong?

          • the sky is falling

            I havent watched his video. Seems like everyone doesnt care for him. Meh. I loved David. I always root for underdogs. Hope he’s not as bad as general opinion seems to be of him.

            Im afraid that John is probably right. He is probably an uncermonius pre merge boot.

          • StormofCuteness

            Ah, I’m pretty sure, if you watched the video, you’d understand what makes him so unlikeable. Hey, that, sadly, doesn’t mean he won’t go far…but I hope he goes early.

          • Hornacek

            He’s wearing a turtleneck on the island. I know that Production picks your clothes and sometimes assigns players to wear something they’ve never worn before (i.e. Cochran’s sweater-vest), but everything I’ve heard says that Ryan normally wears turtlenecks and it was his choice to wear it on the island.

            This could be the biggest fashion faux-pas with a fatal outcome since Ainsley wore a scarf in the kitchen (let’s see who gets that).

          • sharculese

            I… got it.

          • Hornacek

            One of my favorite justification of the death of a character:
            http://38.media.tumblr.com/30aa42157cb660b1c6a901b5563a168f/tumblr_nglkwzvZyR1rqnk0bo4_250.gif

          • StormofCuteness

            Are you implying that turtleneck wearing is related to being a Republican? 🙄

          • Hornacek

            Find me a Democrat who wears a turtleneck and I’ll rescind my previous comment.

          • sharculese

            I’ll go out and find you a bunch of English professors with self-published poetry collections, but, once I do, they’re your problem.

          • StormofCuteness

            Exactly! Also, @Hornacek are you forgetting the cold states? Like Vermont?

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Hornacek lives in a much colder place than we do.

          • StormofCuteness

            Yes, I know, and yet as a Canadian he knows how our political parties dress. 😜

          • Hornacek

            Canadians know much more about American politics than our own country’s politics.

          • StormofCuteness

            PS Have you rescinded your statement yet?

          • Hornacek

            At this hour, it remains unrescinded.

          • StormofCuteness

            And yet I, myself, a proud Democratic Socialist wore turtlenecks.

            You, sir, are not a man of your word. *glare*

          • Hornacek

            Photographic proof or no deal.

          • StormofCuteness

            Dude, that was the early 90s…no digital. I’m not scanning. You’re insufferable. Gah!

          • Hornacek

            Sorry, but Jeff told me Worlds Apart was an amazing season before it started and I believed him without proof. Never again.

          • Hornacek

            Actually, yesterday and Monday we had sun and 30+ degree temperatures.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Summer just keeps getting longer and longer…

          • Hornacek

            Are we talking about the actual summer or the #SummerOfTroyzan?

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            The #SummerOfTroyzan is endless! He liked a tweet with that hashtag yesterday!

          • Hornacek

            I saw that in my Twitter notifications yesterday!

          • Hornacek

            If you’re cold, then wear a normal sweater and a coat.

          • StormofCuteness

            You have some deep level turtleneck hatred.

          • Hornacek

            A moose turtle once bit my sister.

          • StormofCuteness

            I used to wear them when I lived where it actually gets cold, but I live in CA now so, erm, no need.

          • By The Numbers

            I think Probst has said something about it being Ryan’s goal to be the first Survivor in a turtleneck

          • PurpleTally

            I mean, I had Sarah on my team last season, and that worked out alright for me.

          • StormofCuteness

            Ha, good point!

          • Diego Armando

            Because he mentioned Todd as the player he’s most like?

          • StormofCuteness

            I didn’t pick up on any Republicaness. This is what John guessed and Emma seems to have seen/read. I find it all a bit surprising.

          • Diego Armando

            I didn’t either. But Itry to stay as apolitical about players as possible. We’ve had great and horrible players from both sides of the aisle.

          • StormofCuteness

            True dat. Still, I’m super sensitive about it now. Sigh.

      • DrVanNostrand

        I’m trying to come up with a clever portmanteau that combines ‘radar’ with any word for Republicanism or conservatism or teabaggism, but I’m drawing a blank. Anyway, whatever it is, John has it. Unless he just saw some white dude, who looks like he’s still in high school, and decided to play the odds.

        (Edit: Does Tea-dar work? I don’t know. I’m on the fence.)

        • My secret power of identifying Republicans came to me after I was bitten by a radioactive suburb.

          • Hornacek

            With great power, there must also come, great detection of far-right ideology.

        • TheForRealDeal

          Right-dar?
          Whitey-sense?
          Ku Klux klaxon?

          These write themselves.

      • Diego Armando

        He easily has the creepiest/most punchable photo of the group.

    • DrVanNostrand

      In Roark’s bio, it just sounded like she hates everyone and everything… which actually kind of made me like her.

      • StormofCuteness

        I love her snark-i-tude.

      • Hornacek

        She probably grew up with people saying “Hey, Mr. Roark!” and “Welcome to Fantasy Island!” to her. That would make me hate everyone.

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          Dude, she is much, much younger than us.

          • sharculese

            I didn’t know what that was, so I just assumed it was something Canadian.

          • StormofCuteness

            Sometimes I hate how old you make me feel, but this made me laugh out loud.

          • Hornacek

            She was born in 1990 – she’s not that young.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Fantasy Island had long been off the air by then.

          • Hornacek

            (whispers) Some shows remain in the pop culture zeitgeist long after they end.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            I don’t want to hear any more talk about The Littlest Hobo!

          • Hornacek

            There’s a voice, that keeps on calling me …

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Wow okay excuse you.

          • Hornacek

            Sigh. Do I have to stop before I post every comment here and ask myself “Will this offend any of the young people on this site?

          • Purple Rock Emma

            No, just if it will offend me. I’m staff.

        • DrVanNostrand

          Before my time as well. But I know enough about it to know it stars…… KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

          • Hornacek

            With rich Corinthian leather.

      • Diego Armando

        My exact notes were “Living internet meme” and “Almost certainly the PRP Commenters favorite cast member”.

        • StormofCuteness

          I resemble this remark.

      • sharculese

        She’s Corinne’s intern.

        That’s not a joke. She’s Corinne’s intern and Corinne helped her get on the show.

        • Assistant Dragon Slayer

          Yet she’s not even the most Corinne-ish in the cast.

        • Diego Armando

          Oh holy crap. I knew there was something off about her.

        • DrVanNostrand

          Now I like her considerably less. Maybe she secretly hates Corinne, and just used her to get on Survivor. Then I could like her more again.

        • Hornacek

          Corinne says she helped Roark re-shoot her application video. She had already been accepted but Lynn told her that her video wasn’t very good and they needed something different. Corinne says she had already been accepted before she helped her, so Roark getting on the show had nothing to do with her.

          • sharculese

            Roark wasn’t accepted yet. What Corinne said was that casting saw promise in her but her video wasn’t compelling enough to present to production. Corinne gave her something compelling enough. So she’s at least the proximate cause to Roark getting cast.

          • Hornacek

            Pretty sure that Corinne said “No, I didn’t get her accepted, I just helped her reshoot her video, she was already accepted.” Because Rob and Nicole both start saying “Oh, you got her on the show” and Corinne quickly shoots that down.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            That’s not how casting works. If you’re already cast, they wouldn’t need another video. She was probably already in talks with casting. They have a lot of rounds.

          • Hornacek

            Right, but Roark was already well into the casting process before she talked to Corinne. She didn’t get help from Corinne before approaching CBS.

    • Assistant Dragon Slayer

      I originally read that as “Wanda Shirk’s new gameshow.”

      That would be a very different game show.

      • StormofCuteness

        Hahaha, I wonder what the rules of that one would be. Not getting there in time? Making sure other people do your job for you?

  • i and 1

    Brilliant write up, and following my own analysis of the CBS bios I think this is quite possibly as good of a summary as you’d want. These may as well have been the bios, actually–we all know what an eye-opener the first ep inevitably is, right.

    In my case, for the first time ever I looked at tribe assignments and then tried to imagine where things might go from there. A swing for the fences, I figured, because huge points would result if I somehow guessed an alliance (goat and all) that persevered together long into the season.

    Except there are some bios/photos that really turned me off or seemed hopeless, and then I actually began skewing my analysis with the logic of, “I am usually wrong and so if I think this player will do badly, that’s actually a Positive” and in the end my group, despite being one of the earliest assembled in the draft, doesn’t really feel like it’s mine, they aren’t the ones I would really bet on. And so I’ve got a strange sort of optimism going on, here…

  • pufflehuff

    Thanks for this – I haven’t been following any of the preseason stuff so I’m glad to have judgmental first impressions as the hype. I am really hoping that one of the imagined crystal goddesses are on the Healers tribe and provide some ‘I’m sure this stone will heal that suppurating wound’ goodies.

    I had no idea who to pick for a pick-4 team, so I’ve selected the 4 least popular players based on your stats as a) everybody loves an underdog b) if any of them do actually do well there;ll be less competition for gloating and c) I don’t have the check the spreadsheet this way.

    So go Ashley, Lauren, Katrina and Simone: prove the internet wrong!

    • StormofCuteness

      Psst, I don’t actually think there are any crystal loving types, but I could be wrong. I also really liked Katrina’s real bio. So, who knows?

      • pufflehuff

        I am mostly just hoping for whatever contrived Healer confessionals there are and like the idea of the Healers being called in to some Medivac type situation and being all, er this isn’t actually our job…

        • Hornacek

          I am waiting for someone on the Healers tribe to get injured, and Jeff says “[NAME], heal thyself!”

    • Ms. Sweaterfan

      I love the idea of choosing the 4 least popular players for the pick 4, and may have to steal it next season if my actual picks go the way they usually do for me, haha

      • pufflehuff

        thanks – if you’re going to fail, might as well do it epically, right?

  • Taako From Teevhii

    In the vein of consuming the bare minimum of preseason coverage, this just got posted.

    https://youtu.be/h0PFKHKE3vY

    It’s a “cast talks first impressions of each other” thing that I think Wigler’s been doing (or maybe one of the Holmeses, who the hell knows), but I just want to talk about the title. When is fucking President actively modeling and encouraging divisive, bigoted shithead-ery, the phrase “speaking out” makes me think this is going to be a much different video than what it actually was.

    • Max_Jets

      I am so happy that the Roark-Desi alliance is closer to becoming reality!

      • Taako From Teevhii

        That one and Cole+Mike surprised me. If the four of them gelled as an alliance, that’d make the Healers my favorite yellow tribe in all of Survivor.

        Also, those are some rankings that are begging to be made, right? Best tribes by color?

        • Max_Jets

          Mike might be my least favorite tbh, but I still like him. Healers are already the standouts so I hope they’re the Tandang of the season (who have to be fairly high on this yellow tribes ranking, right?)

          • Taako From Teevhii

            I’m not super excited by Mike, but I definitely like him more than Ryan or Joe or Simone. Outside of that, he’s just sort of there.

            I’d enjoy the Healers having Tandang-like success but not turning out like Tandang. Because by the end of it, you’re only rooting for Lisa. Also, I’m rating these tribes by how much I like them if that wasn’t clear. So Tandang is actually quite low. And now that I’ve taken two minutes to actually look into this, I can say definitively, without watching a minute of them as a tribe, the Healers are my favorite yellow tribe.

          • Max_Jets

            True, Tandang sucks in that sense as much as I may like Pete and Abi Maria off the show. I guess that also puts Healers over Zhan Hu and Yasur, two of my favorite tribes from the show.

            Why are you so low on Joe? It seems to be a common sentiment, especially on r/survivor, but he’s one of my favorites going in. Admittedly, attraction plays a large part in that…

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Maximillius Jetterson, in this season of all seasons, JOE is the one you’re attracted to? And NOT Jay Byars? There is absolutely positively no accounting for taste.

            I watched Joe’s intro video, and he seemed like an asshat. But I’d definitely be welcome to my mind being changed on that.

          • Max_Jets

            It’s his vibe, not just his looks! But his looks aren’t bad either. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YA

            Aras, Jeremy, Tom Westman (just rattling off names to try to redeem myself…)

          • Ms. Sweaterfan

            Plus Joe has a real job!

        • purplerockandy

          People better not bring Cook Islands into that.

          • sharculese

            Because Hiki was a pretty mediocre tribe?

    • the sky is falling

      Ugh, wish I hadnt watched. This cast seems super-annoying. Maybe it was just the ridiculous music in the video. Was this season cast by Big Brother? Hopefully everyone speaking in that video is out early.

    • Maritimer

      If the people who were featured prominently in that video are the stars of the season, I will be pretty happy, and not just because Cole was one of those people

  • Has anyone else got the impression based on the previews that CBS is not high on this season? If you haven’t seen them, most (if not all) of the previews are Probst-heavy in a way that I have not seen. Most have a few castaways talking about why they will win with a bit Probst scattered in.

    • Max_Jets

      Hype/season quality “spoilers” based on Probst talk: He says the last third of the season is really great and that the season builds as it goes. I’m hoping they’ll do a lot of work building up the characters and narratives to make up for a possible lack of excitement in the early going, and we’ll end up seeing a season that is better on TV than it felt for Jeff on the island.

      • We are sorta hoping for MvGX, right?

        • Max_Jets

          MvGX did have some tribal council excitement in the pre-merge, but there were other things that kept it down like theme pushing, a dull Gen X tribe, and an impossible to ignore pattern in the boot. I’m thinking like Panama with a more satisfying conclusion? Or a San Juan Del Sur where we have more hope throughout the season?

      • the sky is falling

        Jeff Probst is usually a terrible judge of the season’s quality. I never trust his assessment of anything Survivor related.

      • sharculese

        Remember how Jeff Probst said that Game Changers started with the big guns circling each other like sharks looking for blood, but once they started to strike it got really exciting?

        And then how that was literally the opposite of what happened?

        • Hornacek

          My favorite thing about that is that, the day Probst made that analogy to the plot of the movie Jaws, Dalton Ross wrote an article where he explained that based on Probst’s description, the plot he was actually describing was Jaws 2

          As someone who actually sat through Jaws 2, I enjoyed that reference.

        • Max_Jets

          In his defense, the first 3 boots were consensus non-blindsides.

          • sharculese

            But the second of those was less “sharks circling each other” and more “two sharks see each other and simultaneously think ‘shit, is that thing a shark, too? Imma see was happens when I fucking bite it.'”

          • Max_Jets

            True. Ugh, I’m getting mad about the season again.

          • Hornacek

            Maybe the shark movie it’s like is Deep Blue Sea, and Malcolm is the Samuel L. Jackson character.

          • sharculese

            For Deep Blue Sea to match with Game Changers it would have had to end with Michael Rappaport being the only survivor instead of LL Cool J.

          • Hornacek

            Who is LL Cool J’s bird? Tai? Or Troy(zan)?

        • Wasn’t that when he got the wrong Jaws movie description?

          Off-topic, but what happened to the reality tv style fantasy draft.

          • sharculese

            I didn’t put it together in time to do a preseason draft, but I came up with a fallback plan that I’m gonna lay out in the liveblog comments tonight. Which I’m actually kind of happy about because part of me wanted people to draft after having actually seen the cast’s behavior. I know that’s how a lot of Bachelor league’s do their draft.

          • That sounds groovy to me. I may be a bit delayed, but I will be loitering in there eventually.

          • StormofCuteness

            Oh, yay! I was wondering about this too. Just a reminder that I’m on the West Coast so I’m wayyyyy late to discussions on show night to avoid spoilers.

          • Hornacek

            Yeah, DR immediately had an article where he described the plots of Jaws 1 and 2 and showed how Jeff was describing Jaws 2

    • Maritimer

      This kind of shocks me. Because of … something… I’m pretty sure is going to happen from reading possibly way too much into pre-game press, which I would think would make Probst over the moon about a season, but I agree with you, he’s no hyping this season up. But he also loved WA so who the hell knows

      (I know other people have come to the same conclusion as me but I don’t want to say it here, it feels too spoilery)

      • Ms. Sweaterfan

        I’m really curious about this – can you give me a hint or point me in the direction of more info on this? I’m not worried about general spoilers as long as they don’t spoil the entire boot order or the winner/runners up.

        • Super duper fan

          I may be completely wrong about this, and I also don’t want to unintentionally spoil about something that may very well be overreaction, but if I had to bet, it was somethong which was talked about during the GC finale. I’m not spoiled so it very well may not happen, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

        • Maritimer

          Below is me making guesses on what would be a pretty big deal process wise for the season based on pre-game stuff, if that’s something people don’t want to see:

          I’m combining the fact that Jeff has talked about how exciting the end game/finale is with the fact that they revealed the FTC tie-break process at the end of Game Changers and thinking we are going to get the long-awaited tie at FTC

          • Ms. Sweaterfan

            Ah, okay I would approve of this 🙂

    • Ms. Sweaterfan

      I’m worried about this season. Hype seems really low among fans, podcasters and even the network. I would say maybe we’re just burned out from the hype machine of last spring, and the subsequent middling season that resulted, but I can’t shake the feeling that this cast seems kind of boring. No one really pops, plus the theme and twists aren’t really doing much for me :/
      At this point I’m hoping that my low expectations will mean that anything above a bottom 3rd season will render me pleasantly surprised, but……..we’ll see.

      • Hornacek

        The show starts tomorrow and I have seen *one* TV commercial in the past few weeks for Survivor. And it only showed Jeff, not the cast. In just the last 2 seasons, the weeks before the season started, I saw many commercials with player soundbites, hype about the theme, etc.

        Has anyone else seen any TV commercials for this season?

        • No, but I also don’t really watch much CBS at all.

          • sharculese

            You mean you weren’t frantically DVR’ing the premiers of Big Bang Theory 2: Portrait of the Zodiac Killer as a Young Man or House, But if House Had Autism?

          • No, but I was watching SEC football on CBS, so…close!

          • Hornacek

            Or the prequel to the movie Me, Myself and Irene?

        • i and 1

          Yeah, sorry I cant remember time of day–prolly during Price is Right–but I am seeing ads daily the past few days, including footage of the game starting, players scrambling.

        • I got you all covered because my mom DVRs her soaps, Big Brother, and the Big Bang Theory. I have seen 1 preview multiple times which Probst explaining the concept over the content that @iand1:disqus described. No real dialogue from the castaways was present.

          • Hornacek

            I saw another commercial last night (but it was stuff I had recorded from last Thursday). It started with the same Jeff-wrapped-in-vines (who approved that image?) but then included shots/sound bites of some players and theme description. Glad that less-than one week before the premiere, they’re finally advertising in prime time.

          • I have still not seen a commercial where a castaway speaks directly to the camera.

          • Hornacek

            You should get the Global TV feed. Everything’s better in Canada!

            In fact, I was surprised to hear in the Corinne podcast that she said she had to watch the bios from Global instead of CBS.

      • They are fans who are just tapped out. We may have a new Nicaragua on our hands.

        • Assistant Dragon Slayer

          It’s really weird to see the ennui on here. Those of us who are watching Australian Survivor are running around like Kimmy Schmidt on a Pixy Stix bender.

          • StormofCuteness

            How can I watch that in the States?

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            The easiest way is probably Dailymotion. Lots of users have uploaded episodes, but the following user has them all pretty well organized (note the spaces):

            Survivor New Zealand ( 2017 )

            Warning: the season is long: 26 episodes (episode 21 is the most recent one) and each episode averages 60 minutes. Here’s a link to part 1 of episode 1. Watch the marooning and I guarantee you you’ll be hooked, and I promise you it only gets better from there.

            http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5vc6p6

          • Taako From Teevhii

            I think I’m going to hold onto this one until the winter off-season. Everything I hear about this season of Australian Survivor makes it sound like the best season of any version in years, but knowing that it’ll take 60 collective hours (is that even close?) to watch is really damping my motivation to watch it all.

          • Head Architect Sylvia

            Not sure how you got up to 60 hours – average 60 minute episodes with 26 all up, so it’s only about 26 hours, more or less. Still seems like a lot of time to put in, but there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy every single episode so I’d say it’s worth it for sure. None of the episodes have really felt like slow/filler eps to me. I’d say you should at least give it a shot and if you don’t like it after a few episodes you can just stop. I’m definitely on the bandwagon that thinks it’s one of the best seasons in years!

          • And @Taako_From_Teevhii:disqus wanted to run my spreadsheets for the fantasy league. Do you even math, bro?

          • Head Architect Sylvia

            To be fair on Taako, I needed my calculator for that one.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            I don’t recall volunteering to do it. I remember saying you should just get someone to do it for you. Which you did. So you’re welcome.

          • Wait, so you proposed something with the idea that others should do the work? Wow, it’s like you’re a real Purple Rock staffer!

          • Taako From Teevhii

            And my name’s four letters! You guys don’t have any other notable characteristics, right?

            (And yeah, yeah, Taako has five letters, yada yada yada)

          • Taako From Teevhii

            60 hours was a joke, though clearly a poorly-worded one.

            I’m almost positive I’d burn right through it if its as good as people say.

          • Head Architect Sylvia

            Ahh dang, now I look like the fool. I even sassed you. I can see it now.

            Yeah, you definitely would. I imagine it makes for a good binge.

          • StormofCuteness

            Oooh, I shall give it a watch tomorrow! And then blame you for my new addiction. 😊

          • I really need to watch Australian Survivor.

  • the sky is falling

    GODDAMMIT, John showing the guest posters of this summer how its done. I want a rewrite of my post. Many bows for this. (Can I get a few free fantasy points for brownnosing?)

    “What would Cochran look like if he’d become best bros with Eddie after Caramoan and spent all his time hitting the gym and growing mediocre facial hair?”
    Did this motherfucker get lost on his way to Winterfell?
    Roark is probably a barista who intentionally spells your name wrong on your coffee cup to let you know how it feels to have people fuck up your name.
    It looks like he came out of the womb with a life goal to take away your healthcare and cut taxes.”

    So much win!

    Also: TWO DAYS, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!

  • purplerockandy

    John’s hatred of the Midwest stay undefeated.

    • You did see the results of our last election, right?

      • BadPlayer91

        As someone who lives in Chicago, I’ll allow it.

        But also like Florida…

        • Diego Armando

          As a Michigander, I am upset at how it went. We normally have a good track record for this stuff.

          • BadPlayer91

            As a Chicagoan, the joke that our City is an oasis of civilization surrounded by corn, prairie, and milking cows has never felt more real. After all, the only reason Illinois stayed blue is because it contains the third largest metro region.

          • Ms. Sweaterfan

            I just drove through Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois and part of Wisconsin over the past week or so. So much corn and cows.

          • BadPlayer91

            After college I drove to Las Vegas and back with my best friends. The worst leg was Chicago to Colorado. Everything is flat and boring and Nebraska is the worst. Just endless flat fields. Sorry Nebraska, but no thank you.

            ironically, I fly there next week for work…

          • Ms. Sweaterfan

            Nebraska is the absolute worst

          • StormofCuteness

            Concur!

          • sharculese

            Florida, Texas, and Arizona would all like a word.

          • StormofCuteness

            Have you been to Nebraska? There are great parts of Arizona (Sedona, Tucson, Grand Canyon) and Texas (Austin, San Antonio). Florida I won’t see until next year…and yet, I am still more interested than the deadly boring neverending plains of Nebraska.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            San Antonio shout out!

          • Do you like mosquitoes biting the sweat-covered skin that is melting off your body? If so, you’re going to love Florida.

          • sharculese

            Don’t forget cockroaches the size of your fist!

          • StormofCuteness

            We’re coming in Nov. next yr for my guy’s 50th and going to the Kennedy Space Center. You know, if it’s still there.

            I was already scared of Florida, but now I’m terrified. The tourist board should hire you. *wink*

          • Keep in mind that November isn’t fall here. It’ll likely be 85-90 degrees, and the air is so humid you can practically drink it. Then it’ll cool down to a brisk 83 degrees at night.

            Pack shorts and flip flops.

          • StormofCuteness

            I am already rue-ing the day I made this decision!

      • Diego Armando

        If I recall, Florida wasn’t much better.

        • BadPlayer91

          *typing cat*

        • It’s not like I praised Florida. There’s an unfortunate amount of The South here.

          • Diego Armando

            This is unrelated, but I just changed my Pick 4 Team. I followed your instructions and used the same name and now both of my teams are on the sheet with the name Diego Armando highlighted in red. Is this normal?

          • Yup, you did the right thing. I go in and periodically delete the older versions.

          • sharculese

            You’re still leading the nation in ‘most penis-shaped governor,’ and it’s not even close.

          • How dare you insult Governor Voldemort!

          • DrVanNostrand

            It’s appropriate since it’s also the most penis-shaped state.

      • purplerockandy

        Where Florida went for Trump? Yeah, I did.

        • Diego Armando

          More typing cat.

        • I can hate more than one thing.

      • Hey, I tried.

  • Hornacek

    It could only last 1 episode, but the thing I am most excited to see play out is the pre-existing relationship between Ali and Patrick. Does it affect either of their strategies? Does Patrick even remember her? (she remembers him, but he doesn’t mention it at all in his interviews) Or is it a complete non-factor?

    Outside of returning players seasons, this has never happened before. There was one season (Amazon?) where two players realized they had a friend in common, but never any new players who had met before.

    • Super duper fan

      It was Gabon. Crystal’s cousin was a friend of Marcus, and because of that Marcus wanted to work with her, but Crystal didn’t.

      • Hornacek

        Yes, that’s it. I knew it was a season I had rewatched recently, and thanks to this site, I suffered through rewatched that season recently.

    • indescribable hat

      Laura Morett and Brett Clouser knew each other from church.

      • Hornacek

        Hmm, I don’t remember this at all. That sounds like the sort of thing that would be in their Survivor wiki pages, but I don’t see it.

        You’re right – she mentions it in a Survivor Sucks interview. She says “One thing that nobody knew …”, not sure if she’s talking about just the other players or the viewers. Was this mentioned on the show?

        • Super duper fan

          No, it wasn’t.

        • indescribable hat

          Not mentioned on the show. You’re right about Amazon too, Rob C has talked about two of the men realizing they had a mutual friend, but that’s not mentioned on the show either. I kind of suspect this one won’t be mentioned on the show unless they have to.

          • Hornacek

            Considering how Ali talks about it in Josh’s interview, and the fact that they’ll be on the same tribe, I’d find it odd if the show didn’t include it.

          • BadPlayer91

            Yeah. I’ve gotten the feeling that if their tribe loses first immunity, it could be a significant factor going into tribal. I imagine it will only come up if it leads to one of them getting the boot.

          • Hornacek

            She says in her interview that it will affect whether she aligns with him or not, and she would even tell other people “Hey, I know this guy from before the game, would it help us out if I align with him so we could use his vote?”

            Plus this could just be a one-sided remembrance. Patrick gave no indication in his interviews with Josh that he recognized Ali.

          • BadPlayer91

            Yeah. Though personally I think it would be better if she gets rid of him for that reason. If she starts telling people she knew him from before the game, that will put a target on both of their backs, just like with the KR4 in Game Changers. Particularly because the angle of “You don’t remember me but we went to school together” isn’t a very inspiring start to building an alliance.

          • Hornacek

            True, true. I think it would be funnier if he didn’t remember her but thought she looked familiar, so it was like a bomb counting down to zero, where Ali kept wondering “Is today the day he remembers who I am and blows up my game?” Plus, she may not be able to get the vote onto him without drawing suspicion.

            Ali: I think we should vote out Patrick.
            Other player: Why? He’s done nothing wrong and is good in challenges. Why would you want to get rid of him?
            Ali: Um … hey look over there! (drops smoke bomb, runs away)

  • Ms. Sweaterfan

    “The Jon Misch Scholarship For Handsome Yet Uninteresting People” lol XD

    • Hornacek
      • Ms. Sweaterfan

        Is that a school for ants?!

    • sharculese

      Many are chosen for the Jon Misch Scholarship, but few answer the call.

      • Hornacek

        You also have to check your voicemails and respond quickly.

      • Since Jon Misch, who were some other people. The first applicant has to be Tyler, right?

        • sharculese

          It was a joke about how Jon supposedly missed out on the Second Chances vote because he didn’t answer his phone.

          • Hornacek

            Plus they left him a voicemail to call them back but he didn’t check it for about a week and by then it was too late.

            I wonder if Jeremy would have pulled an RC and refused to be eligible for Second Chances if Jon was in the running too. There is precedent – the top 3 for seasons 28-29 Mr. Survivor were Tony, Spencer and Jeremy, with Jon Misch at #4. Tony was reluctant to participate, and Jeremy let it be known that if Tony declined and Jon took his place, Jeremy would have declined too because apparently he didn’t want to go through the completion with Jon.

          • sharculese

            She said she was already in the process, which means casting was talking to her and maybe inviting her to LA. So it wasn’t like with Stephen and Liz where he told them about his friend who would be great for the show, but Corinne did assist in making her castable.

          • Hornacek

            I think you meant to post this in another thread.

            But I’m just telling you what Corinne says. When I finish that podcast (racing to finish all Survivor-related podcasts before tonight) I’ll skim through it to find where she talks about it, but Corinne specifically says that she didn’t help Roark get on the show, she had already been accepted when Corinne got involved.

          • sharculese

            I listened to it to, and I stand by that Corinne said the thing I said she said, which is that Roark was in casting but not yet cast.

          • Hornacek

            Corinne: “I want it to be clear. Roark is an excellent character who got cast herself, right? But I helped her present herself in the best way.”

          • sharculese

            Yeah that’s what I said. She was interesting on her own, Corinne taught her how to sell it.

          • Hornacek

            Right, but she was already in the casting progress. Corinne didn’t make that happen. She helped her after she had already passed the first stage of casting.

          • Oh, I figured. I legitimately think that some people have tried to be Jon Misch.

  • By The Numbers

    Can I just say this is the dumbest theme of all time. What ever happened to randomly choosing 2 tribes and just naming it Survivor: Location? These ridiculous themes are killing me.

    Ryan seems like a Todd Herzog-type character: mischievous but not conniving, and hopefully entertaining.
    I have high hopes for Patrick, cause he looks like a guy who was cast for his gameplay potential and just happened to be muscular, unlike the other guys who seem to be cast for physique.
    Roark is apparently a super fan who loves RHAP, so she’ll either be great or awful.
    Chrissy seems like a first boot to me, but Jeff seems to love her which makes me think she sticks around awhile.

    Everybody else seems totally meh. I’m hoping this season exceeds my expectations

    • Super duper fan

      Well, they can’t do names with locations now when they are staying in Fiji for quite a while. And personally, themes are used in a narrative pretty much always till the swap, and whether season is good or bad comes down to the cast and not the theme (for example, Cook Islands had a terrible theme, but managed to surpass expectations). And themed seasons were used already back in season 6, and the only difference is that they are used in season names.

      • By The Numbers

        The themes used to make sense though. Heroes, Healers, Hustlers is a stretch. Its basically Sporty, smart, and leftover. It would be nice to have a more vague theme like “pirates” where they can work the theme into everything but its not overdone

        • sharculese

          Yep, there’s was nobody who obnoxiously overdid it on the ‘pirate’ themed season. And that person definitely didn’t go on to obnoxiously overdo it with the ‘heroes’ theme.

          • By The Numbers

            Touché

          • sharculese

            I do appreciate the sentiment you’re trying to express, but, as dumb as I think HHH is as an idea, I have a hard time worrying too much about themes before the season even starts. If the cast is good, they’ll rise above a dumb idea, and, if the cast is bad, the theme won’t be the reason the season sucks.

          • By The Numbers

            Maybe I just don’t like 3 tribes. One tribe always gets decimated. It was wildly entertaining in Philippines and Cagayan, but Koah Rong soured me to it cause watching Brawn all the time was a drag

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            I’m pretty sure the three-tribe format was invented to counteract the Day 1 alliances that just plowed through Redemption Island, One World, and South Pacific. But in the current trust-cluster era of Survivor that may no longer be a problem. Nobody’s content to just be along for the ride as No. 6 or No. 7 in an alliance anymore. Three tribes weren’t needed in MvGX and they certainly weren’t needed in Game Changers.

          • sharculese

            Something… different was needed in Game Changers.

          • StormofCuteness

            I hate three tribes because it means we get almost no time at camp. Grrr

          • Diego Armando

            See Millennials vs. GenX or Cook Islands for the positive.

      • sharculese

        Plus, as usual, this will probably be a ‘themed season’ for two episodes, then we’ll get a swap.

        • Hornacek

          The themed seasons need a sub-title for after the swap when the theme is irrelevant.

          Like in the most recent season, Survivor: Mamanuca Islands.

  • forever1267

    I’ll be trapped at LAX for a Red Eye to Columbus, Ohio, Wednesday night, so if no one could post spoilers until,possible, next Wednesday, that would be super great! Thanks!

    • Hornacek

      I think this was a post on the Facebook Survivor page that was part of a game on the new RHAP B&B podcast.

      • forever1267

        Really? I was jokingly serious. I had only sports to look at, and decided to cheat to see who got kicked off. #NotMyCastaway

        • Hornacek

          They had a game where they read 3 actual posts from the Survivor Facebook page and 1 fake one, and they to guess which was the fake one. One of them was basically “I’m travelling right now and won’t be back until the first week of October so please don’t post anything about the first episode until I’m back.”