People’s Survivor Blog- A Very Special Blog Post

John

I often use these blogs to recognize terribleness, but today I’m going to do something a little different: recognize terribleness. But differently.

John is a nerd on the internet who has never been on Survivor, but has been podcasting about Survivor since 2013. This season, in The People’s Survivor blog, he will blog about his experiences as a Survivor viewer. Follow John on Twitter @purplerockjohn.

“You can quit, or you can wait and go home in two days, or you can jump in the fire.” – Mike Skupin, talking to a mirror in Survivor: The Australian Outback

This site has dealt with a lot of weighty issues this season. It’s not necessarily discussions we wanted to get into; we’d prefer the show was just goofy fun for us all to laugh and enjoy. But when you have a site to discuss Survivor, you discuss the issues that Survivor brings up- even if those things are difficult to talk about.

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts to try to make this a fun season of talking about the magnificence of Troy’s trouser snake, another serious topic has come up and cast a shadow over this season- like the long shadow cast by Troy’s unfathomably large hog. And once again, we’re not going to just pretend everything in the world is ok and ignore important societal issues that this show brings to light.

You see, some Survivor fans out there are just mean. I want to be clear here: not all Survivor fans are mean! You, dear reader, seem like a wonderful person. But there are some fans that ignore the fact that these players are real human beings with real emotions and real manicures. And those fans use their words to make hurtful comments and jokes.

Thankfully, those of us with good hearts have a champion now. We have someone that is willing to say, “You guys! Hey! Let’s, like, stop the bullying.”

I’m talking, of course, about Sierra Dawn Thomas.

Sierra isn’t taking this topic lightly. She is standing up to the scourge of bullying in a very powerful way: by sitting down, bobbing her head, putting on her sassiest voice, and recording a Facebook video.

I didn’t realize it when this season began, amidst all the hype of Sierra Dawn Thomas finally returning to Survivor, but she really is the perfect spokesperson for this cause. Think about it: Sierra would never associate with people that are insensitive

He can’t be insensitive. He was adopted.

or people that belittle others, or spout hateful ideas.

I’m sure Rodney isn’t squatting because he’s short and wants to hide it. He’s squatting because it’s cool af, bro.

Sierra would never make another person feel like an outsider, or judge someone over something ridiculously petty.

She’s uniquely positioned to throw stones on this topic, because she’s proven that she does not tolerate those that are hurtful towards others.

Sierra’s Facebook video proves that she’s the type of person that will bring passion and gravitas to the very serious issue of bullying. She starts the video by including outtakes of her smiling, sighing, and scratching her head- clear signs that this message is not to be taken lightly. I’m so inspired by Sierra’s video that I want to do a deep dive into all the valuable insights she provides. Let’s begin, shall we?

Firstly, she notes that her friends and family feel like they need to defend her in this crazy time of her life. And I get it, because she’s been going through some rough times ever since she was outed as transgender on Surv– wait, that was someone else.

But whatever, she has a point to make here. After a sincere thank you to her friends and family, she bobs her head and says, “Ok, let’s get down to the nitty gritty,” as Abraham Lincoln once did before giving the Gettysburg Address.

“Can I be real with you for a minute? Four score and seven years…”

Sierra has been debating making this video “for a hot minute now”, and if it can help even one person who gets made fun of for the way they look, or the way they live- or even better, if it can help that one person that feels the need to make fun of someone, “this video is for you”. I couldn’t possibly have put it better myself. This video is indeed for you, people that feel the need to make fun of someone.

But at one minute in, Sierra makes clear why she need to make this video in the first place: “Survivor- Let’s talk about it. Holy macaroli!”. (Editor’s note: I’m just guessing at the spelling of macaroli, which I imagine is a hybrid of a macaron and a cannoli.)

Artist’s conception of a holy macaroli

Apparently, some people have been claiming that she should’ve known when signing up for Survivor that she might get criticized. She correctly points out that she didn’t sign up thinking, “Yes! I’m gonna get me some haters today!” Nor should she! When you play Survivor the way Sierra Dawn Thomas plays, you should be surprised that you get haters. Survivor can be a contentious game, and even the people that played Survivor with her last time didn’t have it in them to hate her.

“So,” Sierra says, “about the critics and all of the hate- you guys, I don’t get it. I’ve never gotten it my whole life.”

“Not even after I wore this shirt that says END FAMILY on it.”

“People like to criticize me,” she continues, “Like, let’s get into it!” Ok, here we go, everyone! I’ve heard that some Survivor sites may have said some things about her that aren’t very nice, so I’m sure she’ll address the criticisms of those jerks and prove them all wrong. Give it to us, Sierra- what have these awful bullies been saying about you?

  • “Sierra, you’re so tall and look so gross on Survivor.”

Ouch. That one cuts to the bone. I can’t think of anyone in recent history that had to endure criticism about her appearance while on Survivor and did it in a good-natured way that demonstrated justifiable self-confidence in her appearance.

  • “Second of all, let’s talk about those blue nails on this season! The last thing on my little mind was ‘I need to take my nail polish off so I don’t get made fun of.'” (Editor’s note: This is punctuated with a second “holy macaroli”, in order to convey just how vicious this attack was.)

People are such jerks, you guys. I’ve been around the internet long enough to have seen some pretty awful insults. But “Your nails still look great after three weeks on an island” is pretty low, even for internet trolls. Have you no shame?

  • “Third: Sierra hangs out with a lot of guys. I bet she hooks up with all of them.”

Ok, that is disgusting. What is with this kind of locker room talk, people? Are you running for president or something?

  • “Oh, this one is good! Do you see the way that Sierra kisses her horses? Eww. She’s such a slut.”

Wait, what? (Editor’s note: The above was a real, actual quote. Verbatim. 4 minutes in. You can watch it yourself.)

Ridiculous. That’s barely even getting to first base! This slut-shaming stuff has to stop, you guys.

But the important takeaway from all of this is that Sierra isn’t going to let you haters get her down! “Before going on this season,” she says, “I made a promise to myself that I would enjoy every single minute of it. And I’m following through with that promise.”

Sierra isn’t going to let you rain on her parade! She’s not going to let you bother her to the point where she makes a video to tell you how you bothered her, while simultaneously telling you that she’s not bothered by you!

“Honestly, talk crap about me,” she says. “It’s fine.”

Wait. Did we just get permission…?

More from the Fan Favorite: “I’m making this video for the people that get made fun of, and possibly for the people that are doing the bullying.” Yeah! I hope no one tries to suggest that she was fishing for sympathy over some incredibly ridiculous and minor “hate”, because that would be rude and just plain wrong!

“The world is already full of critics, we need some supporters out here! Real talk!”

Real. Talk.

It’s time to wrap things up, so Sierra drives home her point with a killer closing statement: “Being rude isn’t cute, and it surely doesn’t make you cool.”

Preach, sister. You are never going to get any love from Sierra by treating people disrespectfully.

If I were rude, I’d comment on how 5’1″ of human is carrying 6’1″ of human. But I’m not rude.

In honor of Sierra’s bold stance against bullying and bullies, this Dead Fishy goes out to those terrible people who use the internet as a place to make jokes about people that have great nails, people that are slutty with horses(?), and- for good measure- people that make fun of Troy’s monstrous dong. Enjoy your trophy, assholes!