Survivor Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers Episode 2 Liveblog: “I’m a Wild Banshee”

Follow us on Twitter and Storify below for the second episode of Survivor: Heroes vs Healers vs Hustlers!

Matt
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Matt

Matt has an irrational dislike for all contestants named Michel(l)e. Also if he ever takes a strong stance about why everyone else is wrong, it is he that is inevitably wrong.

Favorite seasons: Micronesia, Heroes vs. Villains, Palau, Philippines, Pearl Islands, Cagayan
Matt
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  • Hornacek
    • gouis

      AMINAL PIC BROS

  • gouis

    I missed the animal picture feel-good thread so here’s a picture of my cute dog Simone. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/390b80516e9a98dd25df74876380d4c49ce744ee39cd511e7b061a9a9c68a888.jpg

    • gouis

      Also I have no idea why it turned my pic sideways?

      • Hornacek

        Cause your dog doesn’t follow the rules!

        • gouis

          She really does not. She is a terrier through and through.

        • Taako From Teevhii

          Sounds like a Millenni–wait, wrong season.

          • sharculese

            Jeff Probst will marry that dog right now.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Did she just win Redemption Island?

      • Diego Armando

        The same happened to me this morning.

      • Saturday Night Palsy

        It did that to my chicken!

        • gouis

          This must be why the AVClub switched to Kinja.

          • Diego Armando

            That still didn’t explain why the site turned into a visual and functional nightmare.

          • Eric Lyden

            I remember back when the Newswire listed the articles in a clear manner in a clearly labelled area. Those were the days.

          • Diego Armando

            Remember when you could see a list of recent reviews with their grades? Good times.

            Seriously, who designed that. It doesn’t look good on pcs, tablets or phones. Nothing is easy to find.

          • I thought that was because of extreme disdain for commenters?

          • gouis

            The comment sections on the Survivor posts are now just people saying “this is still on?” and other people saying “I guess Kinja killed the Survivor posts”

    • gouis

      Dog Simone is not impressed with Survivor Simone’s cognitive abilities

    • Hornacek

      How does your dog feel about diversity?

      • gouis

        She is 100% about that life except in the cases of small fluffy dogs that look like toys.

        • EmAndScoutInBK

          YES I AM HERE FOR THE DOG PICTURES

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      Are you getting rid of her tonight?

      • gouis

        I would burn all of you to the ground before getting rid of Dog Simone.

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          You could also just say “no, I’m keeping her.”

          • EmAndScoutInBK

            It would be less accurate tho

    • Dezbot

      Does she aqua poop? I don’t want her near a pool if so.

  • Taako From Teevhii

    So Ashley’s right that you can’t prove a negative (except that you sometimes can), but it’s definitely not helping her that she keeps throwing around the phrase “power couple.”

  • Hornacek

    Alan is a genius! He didn’t have to be right OR wrong!

    • the sky is falling

      He is aggro-Phillip, I’m tellin y’all

      • Other Scott

        Isn’t that normal Phillip?

      • Hornacek

        I am hoping Alan starts talking about the ghost of his great-grandfather.

  • Hornacek

    Poor Simone. When Ryan says you’re weird, you’re in trouble.

  • the sky is falling

    Simone finally speaks and well…… Ugh, shut up

    • NearlyNina

      Her voice/manner of speaking was beyond annoying. I’m not generally a person who gets annoyed by people’s voices, speaking styles, accents, but she was sooo whiny!

  • corndogshuffle

    Survivor: Aquadump Island – Darnell vs. Simone

  • Hornacek

    The viewers will never know the truth that only players have learned – there is no air conditioning on Survivor.

  • sharculese

    Watching Devon talk about being deceptive is like watching a foal try to stand up for the first time.

  • Taako From Teevhii

    If Cole on the raft isn’t the header for some post this week, Lord help me…

    • sharculese

      Cole’s facial expressions are confirming my suspicion that his wilderness guide stuff is mostly about teaching kids which plants get you high.

  • Taako From Teevhii

    God, Joe’s running through the forest looking for the idol. The Tony schtick never ends.

    • Ms. Sweaterfan

      I picked him for my fantasy team for this exact reason, and it’s already paying off!

  • corndogshuffle

    “Mike’s a likable guy and I kinda like him.”

    Yes, Joe. Generally you will tend to like likable people.

    • Hornacek

      Joe is thinking “Normally I hate everyone I meet. What’s happening to me???”

  • the sky is falling

    Ken’s abs: I’m the king of all abs.
    Cole’s abs: hold my beer.

    • sharculese

      Cole’s abs: hold my beer iowaska.

      Fix’t.

      • MsFjordstone

        Is that supposed to be “ayahuasca”? I’m not being pedantic; I sincerely want to know if there’s another entheogenic plant I need to know about!

        • sharculese

          I was just bein lazy and went phonetic.

          • MsFjordstone

            Shoot. I was all set to start asking around in the shamanic community.

          • MsFjordstone

            On the positive side, I just read this: http://bit.ly/2yJ7RYr

    • gouis

      Yeah but Ken is handsomer.

      • Taako From Teevhii

        WRONG

        • gouis

          BAN!!!

          • Can’t we all agree that both are very very very ATTRACTIVE

          • Taako From Teevhii

            I agree with that.

            but cole is attactiver

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            #Cole-casianWoo

          • Taako From Teevhii

            But we couldn’t break out the hashtag for JP?

          • DrVanNostrand

            JP’s hashtag is #ExactJonMischClone

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Nobody likes JP. Sorry, man.

          • corndogshuffle

            I don’t think they’re attractive but I can definitely tell they are. I have to wonder what people who can’t tell they’re attractive look for in a person, at least physically.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Look, someone at PRP (I won’t name names) said Joe was their number one. On this season of all seasons. Can’t account for taste.

          • Max_Jets

            NAME ME, TFT, I’M NOT SCARED!
            Though Joe is falling behind Alan and Patrick and…Ben? We’ll see, stay tuned!

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            No! Talke them to the MURDER CAGE!!!

          • Taako From Teevhii

            But can we all agree that Redemption Island would have been so much better if RI was called THE MURDER CAGE instead?

          • Hornacek

            It’s no Hero Arena.

          • purplerockandy

            You’d think, but as the great Andrea/Hali debate of 2017 showed, we can never agree. Only one may rule!

          • Um….I go with Michaela. Bye!

          • gouis

            Hali is mediocre at best.

          • Super duper fan
          • EmAndScoutInBK

            No. Ken is better.

        • gouis

          Ken is so attractive he turns straight men gay and gay women straight.

      • Maritimer

        I’m with Taako and the sky is falling here. Cole outshines Ken. There’s something about his smile on top of being hot as hell

        • EmAndScoutInBK

          You’re wrong and you should feel bad about it. BETRAYAL!

          • Maritimer

            I’m right and don’t feel bad (mind you, I argued Jay was hotter than Ken too. I think its just type preference)

      • Purple Rock Emma

        I’m with gouis. Ken has the better face.

        • gouis

          THANK YOU. I don’t even think it’s close.

        • EmAndScoutInBK

          Thank you for always having my back

      • indescribable hat

        Devon, anyone? Just me?

        • Hornacek

          Bueller? … Bueller?

    • EmAndScoutInBK

      I almost got tricked into upvoting this. NO! Cole is NO Ken

  • Hornacek

    Poor Cole – people 30 years old are SO much older than him.

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      …i wish I was cole…

    • DrVanNostrand

      Yeah, I’m sure he’s just invisible to all those 30 year old women. They don’t even know he’s there 🙁

  • Taako From Teevhii

    Really makes no sense that the raft would be the landmark on the map when the raft is picked up and moved into the water.

    • sharculese

      Maybe, just maybe, Joe is completely bugfuck.

    • And then moved around the water, and then brought back to land and placed wherever the fuck anybody wants to.

      I know there’s a lot of competition but this might have been The Dumbest Thing Ever Said on Survivor.

      • purplerockandy

        Cole should’ve gotten Joe to start digging five feet from wherever he put the raft that day. Then moved the raft to a different spot later.

    • Hornacek

      I laughed at Joe’s logic that since the map showed the raft, and Cole was out on the raft, therefore Cole must have found the idol. Like Cole rowed out, stopped at a specific spot, said “I think the idol is here!” and dove down, finding the first (?) idol ever hidden in the ocean.

  • Hornacek

    So after you find the idol clue carved on a tree, can you take a rock and scratch the tree so the clue is unreadable?

    • Hornacek

      And Cole just went and did just that so i guess it’s ok.

  • Hornacek

    Cole is smart enough to decipher the clue, but not enough to keep it to himself and not tell Joe.

    • Taako From Teevhii

      THIS IS BLASPHEMY but also completely true and dumb.

    • sharculese

      He’s just a friendly boy who wants to tell you about how chewing this root will bring all of us together.

    • i and 1

      “You know what is gonna help me in this game? As a therapist, I am always helping others conquer and triumph…”

      • Hornacek

        Cole thinks that Joe is one of his trouble youths that he is helping.

  • Hornacek

    “We could go through the backside.”

  • the sky is falling

    Looking forward to ftc when Joe removes his mask to reveal he was Tony all along.

    • sharculese

      Tony wouldn’t tell Cole about the clue.

      • Saturday Night Palsy

        Exactly! They’ll never suspect it!

        I was actually looking forward to having Tony still around the fourth or fifth episode of Game Changers where the water gatherers found a small cave-in by the well and heard a very faint “…help…”

    • Hornacek

      The ultimate spy-disguise!

  • Taako From Teevhii

    How I feel about this entire season is now going to hang on whether we have to suffer through JP and Simone on screen at the same time.

    • Taako From Teevhii

      Crisis averted.

  • Taako From Teevhii

    Can y’all believe we’re almost a half hour in and haven’t even gotten to a challenge yet? Something crazy is coming down the pike.

    • Purplerockmatt

      or something really predictable because it will be a short tribal

      • DrVanNostrand

        They did a little feint there at the end, but it was still pretty obvious.

    • Maritimer

      I had that realization about halfway in, but I liked it. We got to see and meet people I didn’t know existed. This was the get to know you episode which Matt noted we didn’t get last week

  • Hornacek

    Chrissy has gone from #MomSquad member to strategic force!

    • Other Scott

      Her read and decision making skills seemed really impressive this week. If Andy actually was ever willing to eat crow, I feel like he’d be eating crow this week.

      • gouis

        You should know better

        • Other Scott

          I do, hence the “if” statement

      • Hornacek

        In Canada we don’t eat crow – we eat loons.

      • DrVanNostrand

        LOL

      • sharculese

        “If she had done what I told her to, she wouldn’t have had to look good this episode.”

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          You forgot the caps lock.

      • purplerockandy

        I mean, her ability to miss tribal council thus completely changing her narrative since she was never a boot target this week was pretty impressive.

        • Other Scott

          Never change, Andy!

      • Hornacek

        After last week I was regretting choosing Chrissy as my first pick in the draft. This week I’m feeling better.

        • Other Scott

          I mean even last week the fact that the tribe wanted to vote out the Olympic Swimmer rather than her when there were definitely going to be swimming competitions upcoming was a good sign.

          • purplerockandy

            I agree with this. Although there’s a chance that they picked Katrina simply because “her haircut makes her look older”.

          • Hornacek

            But Katrina is 46 and Chrissy is 4639. Katrina is obviously the oldest.

    • MsFjordstone

      Nonetheless, I still don’t understand how being an actuary makes you a hero.

      • Hornacek

        You are almost actually a hero.

        • MsFjordstone

          Ouch.

      • Purple Rock Emma

        They’re going for a breaking the glass ceiling thing.

        • MsFjordstone

          Is a woman being an actuary in 2017 really considered breaking the glass ceiling??

          • purplerockandy

            Yeah. I have literally no idea of the gender breakdown of actuaries.

          • Hornacek

            It’s a real sausage-fest.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            I don’t know what an actuary is.

          • MsFjordstone

            They do statistical analyses to calculate risk, like for insurance companies.

  • corndogshuffle

    Lauren is cracking me the hell up right now.

    • the sky is falling

      Patrick is getting a Mike Holloway edit atm. Mike was also a doofus early on.

      • Taako From Teevhii

        I would argue it’s less about the edits they get and more about them both being doofuses.

      • Hornacek

        I don’t see how – he didn’t eat that crab.

        • the sky is falling

          he almost ate a bug in the first episode

          • Hornacek

            That bug was a part of his secret alliance.

  • You know this episode is leagues better then last week so good on Survivor.

    • the sky is falling

      Last season I was angry after every episode. I’ll accept a slow burn season.

  • Hornacek

    Another Ali confessional where she talks about Patrick and doesn’t mention their prior relationship. I don’t think it’s ever gonna be mentioned.

    • Streets_Ahead

      I will never be mentioned. Doesn’t fit with the story their trying to tell and they probably want to avoid all the facebook moms complaining that it isn’t fair.

      • Other Scott

        I mean in the Facebook Mom’s defence, it’s kind of not fair.

        • Streets_Ahead

          Lot’s of things in Survivor aren’t fair. Also, it was never mentioned in Samoa that Brett and Laura knew each other. So past history also leads me to think it won’t be mentioned. Plus if I was them I wouldn’t bring it up on camera and at most nod knowingly at each other.

          • Other Scott

            I do wonder if not for that relationship whether Patrick would be voted out this episode

          • Streets_Ahead

            I wonder that as well and hope to find out in post-game stuff.

        • purplerockandy

          Facebook Mom has a point.

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      Maybe they are being really sneaky and CBS is saving it for a big reveal.

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      Now I wasn’t to see Jeff Spicolli on Survivor.

      PROBST: Welcome! To season thirty…
      SPICOLLI: Hey… I know that dude!

    • NearlyNina

      Ewww what!?!

      • Taako From Teevhii

        They were mutually acquainted in college. I’m pretty sure it’s one of those things where they knew each other’s names but not much more beyond that.

        • NearlyNina

          Oh ok. I thought they had dated.

          • DrVanNostrand

            Rest assured. Not a Sugar-JT scenario.

          • NearlyNina

            Ughhhhhh!!!!

      • Hornacek

        In the pre-season Josh Wigler interviews, Ali says that she recognized Patrick as someone she knew from college. They were friends of friends, but they did actually know each other and were neighbors for awhile.

        Patrick didn’t see anything about this in his interviews, so we don’t know if he recognized her too and is keeping it secret, or he really doesn’t recognize her at all.

        • DrVanNostrand

          I find it hard to believe that he doesn’t recognize her at all… for obvious reasons.

          • Hornacek

            I would love it if we found out that in college Ali weighted 300 lbs, had Dr. Mike type glasses, and really bad hair, and that’s why Patrick doesn’t recognize her. Survivor meets She’s All That.

          • DrVanNostrand

            Was She’s All That the one where they put the hot girl in overalls and glasses and then pretended no one realized she was hot? I get my bad 90’s teen movies confused.

          • Hornacek

            I think SAT is the one where Freddie Prinze Jr agrees to take the nerdy unattractive girl the school dance, but she gets glammed up and there’s the iconic scene of her coming down the stairs looking hot (Rachel Leigh Cook). I think the song Kiss Me by the Cranberries is used.

    • Maritimer

      Nope, show is totally burying that they fucked that one up

  • PurpleTally

    I could honestly live without any of the men on this season. They’re all either The Worst or completely unremarkable. The only one who I have any kind of positive reaction toward is Ben.
    I had such high hopes for you, Bargain Bin Tony.

    • Taako From Teevhii

      The Church of Cole will convert you yet.

    • the sky is falling

      Hold your horses, it’s early!

    • sharculese

      What about…. yeah I got nothin’.

    • PurpleTally

      To be fair, I might like Ryan if I didn’t know who he voted for.

    • gouis

      Mike is pretty charming and clearly very intelligent.

    • Sylvisual

      Probst is offended.

    • NearlyNina

      I really like Ben so far and Devon is a bit goofy, but otherwise good.

    • Counterpoint: an above-average season for wet underwear.

      • If you’re into that kind of thing.

      • indescribable hat

        Reason #53 why I love this site: While certain other Survivor podcasts spent last week doing that, “Ewwwww, naked men, everyone knows they’re disgusting,” thing, around here we reflect the reality that a majority of adult humans like naked men. Or men in wet underwear, whatever.

        • I mean, I’m not saying there’s a gay agenda, but I’m also not saying that I don’t have a personal and very specific gay agenda.

        • Assistant Dragon Slayer

          This also is probably the only Survivor fan site where the Hot Men discussion is five times longer than the Hot Women discussion, and the latter is a bit apologetic about it.

          • Yeah, 2017 is a minefield. OH WELL [looks at butts]

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            FINALLY someone gets it! It’s so tough being a straight cis male!

    • Ms. Sweaterfan

      I actually feel very similar. I think the women are just a lot more interesting and strategic this season. Hopefully we’ll get a new female winner out of the mix too 🙂

  • sharculese

    Heroes walk into the challenge: “Damn, we fucked that vote up, guys.”

    • Hornacek

      “I told you that the challenges wouldn’t all be on land!”

  • Hornacek

    A challenge on the water. You know who would have been good at this?

    • sharculese

      Jesus?

      • Hornacek

        I don’t remember him being good at diving.

        • sharculese

          He just walks under the water. It’s like when Link puts on those metal boots.

          • DrVanNostrand

            I didn’t know gills were one of his superpowers. Maybe I should re-read that whole bible thing…. Just kidding, I’ll be way too busy re-listening to the Adventure Zone.

          • sharculese

            So.. you’ll actually be re-reading the Extreme Teen Bible?

      • Saturday Night Palsy

        But edgic shows that Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John get all the confessionals!

        • Purple Rock Emma

          Hmm. Who should change their name to Luke, me or Andy?

          • purplerockandy

            You, since I’m clearly the protagonist that you all will write about.

          • That’s fine. You may want to research what ends up happening to that protagonist, though.

          • purplerockandy

            Gotta be a reason for my martyr complex.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Not sure if Canadians even get that reference.

          • Hornacek

            Was there a character named Luke on that show with the helpful dog?

  • A challenge with names of Survivor past seasons: cute

  • Hornacek

    Joe sits out? He must not be good in the water. Or at puzzles. Well he did almost collapse at the last challenge.

  • the sky is falling

    Cmon Jeff, how about, “Hustlers really hustling.”

    • PurpleTally

      “Heroes really heroing”

      • Saturday Night Palsy

        It would have been really rad if at the beginning of tonight’s immunity challenge, the healers and hustlers just dove into the water while JP ran into a phone booth, Ashley invoked the power of Castle Greyskull, and Ben rode a motorcycle down the California highway smiling at Ponch.

    • Healers really healing?

      • Saturday Night Palsy

        I hope it doesn’t come to that. But if it does, I hope he says it.

    • corndogshuffle

      “No Collars really no collaring”

    • Hornacek

      Favorites really favoriting?

  • Hornacek

    Devon is a diving and untying machine!

  • the sky is falling

    Goddammit Joe, it was right there! “top 5 baby”

  • Hornacek

    Dr. Mike’s roar of triumph!

    • sharculese

      Penis Dr. Mike. His name is Penis Dr. Mike.

      • Hornacek

        Dr. Mike Sexier

        • sharculese

          The Phallic Physician, the Hog Healer, the Meatus Medicus, Doctor Mike Zahaaallllllllsky!

    • the sky is falling

      Winner edit? Too soon

  • Hornacek

    “You just observe, Simone.” That’s not good.

    • Dubious Rob

      That was the death knell. She wasn’t just useless in the challenge, she was actively harmful. The show tried real hard to make Patrick seem like a viable boot option, but there was never a doubt.

      • purplerockandy

        I think the contestants and the show did an admirable job in showing why it might be Patrick. They failed to do an adequate job of showing why it wouldn’t be Simone.

  • Taako From Teevhii

    Ok, so we talked enough about Troy’s dragon last season that I’m going to say two things about this season: I think production purposely put Cole in striped briefs to give his ass a topographical effect. And was never evidence on the show to support the rumors about Troy’s dragon, but Ryan is … um … his briefs are distracting.

    • DrVanNostrand

      Maybe bellhops are hung like horses?

      • Taako From Teevhii

        Please delete this comment before our resident bellhop finds this.

      • gouis

        @SNPalsy:disqus can you confirm or deny

        • Taako From Teevhii

          DAMMIT GOUIS WHY DID YOU TAG HIM

          • gouis

            I want to hear about his dick?

          • Taako From Teevhii

            He posted a picture of his cock in the prediction thread.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Sorry, hen.

          • indescribable hat

            You got another opportunity!

          • Purple Rock Emma

            I at thought you should know this made me actually laugh out loud.

          • gouis

            I am to please.

            FYI I’m getting my wife to grab me a physical copy of that Young Sheldon article in the UR student paper.

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          Not true. We just get fired like everybody else.

    • Maritimer

      Oh thank God I’m not the only one who noticed that (I’m all about the Cole aesthetic decision as well. Don’t ever give him a bathing suit)

    • Dubious Rob

      Agreed. There was a surprising amount of bulge tonight, none of it blurred. And as long as we’re on the subject, I find it hilarious that the red and blue tribes are all wearing underwear that matches their tribal colors (although the yellow tribe isn’t, for some reason). Has the show ever gone this far to make sure we know which color tribe people are on?

      • Taako From Teevhii

        I think the reason none of the healers are in yellow briefs are because, as much silhouette as blue and red briefs provide, you really silhouette in lighter colors, e.g. white and yellow. So for the sake of not making the bulges too prominent, the Healer’s underwear is yellow-adjacent or black, which is yellow-complementary.

        But yes, this is a step beyond what production normally dictates for wardrobe. Eventually we’ll get people dipped in paint a la Blue Man Group before going out on the island.

        • purplerockandy

          I’m guessing they avoid yellow and brown undies in general.

        • Hornacek

          I will stand up and applaud if a Survivor says on the show “Looks like I just blue myself”.

  • Hornacek

    Poor Devon. All that great diving for nothing.

  • Hornacek

    Why blame just Simone for losing? Was she the only Hustler doing that puzzle?

    • the sky is falling

      Because she is boring?

    • corndogshuffle

      She wasn’t doing the puzzle, just observing.

    • Kingoftonga

      Yeah the blame she got for the challenge loss seemed disproportionate to what we saw.

    • DrVanNostrand

      Ali’s in a strong position, with good ties to everyone on the tribe, so they blamed the other one on the puzzle. Pretty standard.

      • Other Scott

        Yeah it’s one of those things where it’s “the challenge performance is blamed where it’s actually no one felt very strong with her” things that happen pretty frequently.

        You wanna know why someone gets voted out pre-swap. 80% of the time it’s bad social connections and 20% of the time it’s someone plays too hard.

    • NearlyNina

      Simone wasn’t fitting in with the tribe or the environment, so she gets targeted.
      Also at least Ali was trying and did a good job of looking like she was accomplishing something. Simone’s contribution mostly consisted of her demanding people tell her what to do and standing there looking confused.

    • Diego Armando

      It’s the classic “Find a reason to justify voting off the person we already wanted gone” strategy. Same thing happened last season with Ciera (she threw out Caleb’s name, which was all Malcolm needed).

  • the sky is falling

    If we are going with Joe as Bargain bin Tony. Ryan is def bargain bin Cochran.

    • NearlyNina

      I like Ryan a lot more than I’ve ever liked Cochran.
      Although… To be fair, that’s a pretty low bar.

      • Purple Rock Emma

        Oh very much the opposite. Ryan does make me understand why people didn’t like Cochran though.

    • Prom King

      He’s that midway point between Tony and Russell, with the antics of the former and all of the charm of the latter.

      • indescribable hat

        You’ve gone too far! I must defend Joe against this libel. He’s kind of obnoxious but he’s not a vicious little goblin!

        • Prom King

          Thank you for putting “vicious little goblin” in my head… that is a perfectly apt description for him!

          Although of course he is nowhere near the depths of Hantz. I think in this situation, Joe’s complete lack of emotional intelligence helps my impression of him. He’s a jackass, not a scumbag.

  • Hornacek

    As Ryan is talking about who is the most loyal, Patrick is looking at his reflection in the scuba mask.

  • PurpleTally

    Ryan is quickly cementing himself as the most punchable person this season.

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      He provides a service for people! At a low wage!

      I bet you’re one of those people with wheels on their suitcases! “No thank you, bellboy. I’ll take my own!”

      • DrVanNostrand

        How much are you supposed to tip a bellhop? I’ve always wondered.

        • sharculese

          According to a documentary I watched about Macaulay Culkin’s New York vacation, you give them your used gum.

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          50% of the room cost.

          • DrVanNostrand

            I am never going to a hotel with bellhops.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Why would you be travelling with bellhops?

          • i and 1

            How much is that in “smackeroos”? That’s the currency they prefer, I’ve heard.

        • Hornacek

          I read this in George Costanza’s voice.

        • Dezbot

          $1 per bag is what I’ve been told. It may be way more now because of inflation.

      • Hornacek

        Blame it on the bellboy

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          Heartless… bastard!

          • Hornacek

            Are doormen and bellhops the same thing?

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            No. Bellhops are skilled labor!

        • MsFjordstone

          I not only get your reference, I actually own that movie.

          • Hornacek

            So you’re the one!

          • MsFjordstone

            Guilty as charged. I also own every other movie that Andreas Katsulas was in, so I’m also the one person who bought “Jane Austen’s Mafia!,” “Hot Shots Part Deux,” and “Executive Decision.” Although “Executive Decision” is a lot of fun if you really hate Steven Seagal.

          • Hornacek

            One of my favorite meta scenes in movies ever: https://media.giphy.com/media/8NZeGpK9qpUL6/giphy.gif

          • MsFjordstone

            Yes, that is undeniably an absolutely fantastic bit.

          • Dezbot

            I do really hate Steven Seagal. Pretty sure I cheered during that one scene you’re alluding to.

          • MsFjordstone

            Who *hasn’t* cheered that scene?!

          • Dezbot

            Seagal himself? The Russians?

          • MsFjordstone

            Fair point.

          • Hornacek

            Vlad-a-meer Pyoo-tin?

      • purplerockandy

        I gotta say, if the luggage racks are all being used, I don’t like Ryan’s chances of carrying my luggage better than I can.

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          Hoppers know about the stuff that a mere concierge can only dream of.

  • corndogshuffle

    Patrick is so good at this.

  • Hornacek

    You know that Ryan had that birthday party speech memorized for months, waiting for the chance to say it at his first tribal.

    • DrVanNostrand

      Apparently his parents made him go to some sad-ass birthday parties.

      • Taako From Teevhii

        Namely, his.

      • Other Scott

        I really didn’t see how tribal is anything like a birthday party in any way

        • sharculese

          They’re both places where cookies would be nice?

        • DrVanNostrand

          It was as bad as Andy’s NFL overtime kickoff analogy in the last podcast.

          • Other Scott

            Well, that analogy was actually perfect for the situation, it just did absolutely nothing to prove his point.

          • DrVanNostrand

            EXACTLY!

          • Hornacek

            This week it will be a CFL analogy.

        • wonderand

          At a birthday party, fire represents life.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Nice!

  • Hornacek

    #SadBirthdayParty

  • corndogshuffle

    Well, at least Simone gets to have air conditioning again.

    • the sky is falling

      At least we never have to see her again, second outs are invisible to future casting

      • corndogshuffle

        But Mari /s

  • Hornacek

    “Most … I mean all … I mean … can we start over?”

    • DrVanNostrand

      He was right! One person voted against him!

      • i and 1

        Yeah, Jesus, how was that the wrong answer? All you gotta do is know someone (or two) is after you, and then I can imagine only minimal downside. (“Hey, the fisher is after me!”)

        Seems like I might be missing something though.

  • gouis

    Good result. Let the early episodes separate the wheat from the chaff.

    • Taako From Teevhii

      Technically, Game Changers did exactly that.

      • gouis

        Not really?

        Also you can only do so much with that much chaff.

        • Taako From Teevhii

          What do you mean? The entire pre-merge was separating the wheat and pitching it straight in the trash.

          • purplerockandy

            Lawyered.

    • Mike Hirsch

      Game Changers: for those with wheat allergies.

    • Hornacek

      I only know the word “chaff” from this saying.

  • Is Simone the first dud in the long run of good to great second boots?

    • sharculese

      No, Paul was 3rd out of MvGX.

      • gouis

        Keep living that Paul life.

        • sharculese

          Usually you tell me to stop trying to make Paul happen. I’m scared and confused.

          • gouis

            I have stockholm syndrome with your Paul takes now. I actually enjoy them.

      • Sylvisual

        Oh for fuck’s sake.

    • the sky is falling

      Are second boots usually great?

    • Mike Hirsch

      How was Mari not a dud?

      • sharculese

        Have to justify the preseason hype somehow.

      • Remember, Mari wasn’t really the reason why she went home. Zeke was a MASSIVE factor into that.

        • gouis

          If Zeke wasn’t too busy making BIG MOVZESSSSS then we would have had the non factor goddess Mari doing nothing all the way to the end.

          • I cannot say with all honesty that she would have been a nonfactor. My hunch was the perception of her being an all around threat ala Michaela would have had her taken out in the swap phase anyway.

          • Dubious Rob

            Her dismissal of Hannah at that tribal really showed how clueless she was. The fact that Mari basically shrugged when Michelle was busy flipping Hannah right there at tribal didn’t do much to sell her as a master player.

      • Prom King

        She was a fun character for her only episode.

    • Alkanarra

      I’mma defend her a bit. She knew the correct target to go after and instigated that movement on her own volition. Her arguments were not terrible in doing so. She presented her case and backed off when she got a yes, which is about all you can do. She had a possible “city girl learning to survive” story they could have told. As far as challenge factor, it was essentially a team puzzle so she’s really not culpable. She was edited to be disliked by a bunch of 2-second shots of her frowning, but when she spoke it was mostly succinct, and if she did anything overly annoying, they clearly didn’t have the footage to show it or they would have because “early boot who is annoying” is this show’s bread and butter. This vote struck me Ryan/Devon wanting to keep another man and nothing in particular she did wrong, other than going on a survival-based show when you’ve never set foot in the wild.

      • Sylvisual

        Co-signed. I hated her in the pre-season and premiere, but she acquitted herself fine tonight.

      • Maritimer

        She seemed boring, but fine. I’m okay with her going, because I think she would have been purpled anyways, but as a player she seemed fine

    • Prom King

      She was an amusing second boot. The vague pretentiousness and use of trending words like “narrative” made me smile and cringe at the same time. I bet she would have eventually used “trending” and “cringey” as well. Maybe even “pivot”. I can imagine her as a one-scene character from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

  • Going to be honest here, I don’t hate Ryan. I am okay because he does have decent line every once in a while like sad birthday party.

    • Taako From Teevhii

      I like him more than JP because like, at least Ryan is somewhat interesting to watch.

      • I’m calling it now: JP will be the third Survivor alum following Lisa Whechel and Matt Elrod (Wyatt Nash) to be on Hallmark.

      • Maritimer

        JP is interesting to watch. Just not for his personality

    • Purplerockmatt

      This was a much better episode for Ryan in my opinion.

      • Diego Armando

        Honestly, he is fine and I kind of think the hate for him was blown out of proportion. He isn’t Cochran, but he certainly isn’t the worst version of the super fan archetype (cough, Colton, cough).

        • EmAndScoutInBK

          This is not why I hate him

          • Diego Armando

            I understand. I make it a point to learn as little as possible about the players outside of the game. Congratulations on you wedding!

      • EmAndScoutInBK

        We had verrrrrry different reactions to him this episode

    • Mike Hirsch

      Ryan has potential, he just needs to shun his “poor little me” schtick, which my auto-correct tried to make Schlitz, which is awesome.
      Also, before the auto-correct, I was going to say that there wasn’t that sort of thing from Ryan this episode. I liked him more tonight.

      • Purplerockmatt

        Agreed Ryan’s self-pity or whatever it is is the part about him that I really object to. There was a lot less of it today and so I liked him a lot more

        • Diego Armando

          Too be perfectly fair to him, Cochran payed heavily into the self pity in South Pacific

      • Saturday Night Palsy

        Every time I type the word “the” my phone suggests “X-Men”. I have no idea why. I don’t care about the X-Men.

        • Diego Armando

          You angered a mutant who can manipulate Autocorrect.

          • Hornacek

            The worst mutant power ever.

            Well, except for Cypher.

          • Diego Armando

            The kid in X-Men 2 whose power was just having a weird looking tongue has to be up there.

          • Dezbot

            You wouldn’t say that if you knew what that tongue could do.

            *rowr*

          • Hornacek

            Philatelist Man!

        • indescribable hat

          Well now you’re encouraging it!

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Good point. Do you think that the term “those X-Men” is acceptable? It kind sounds bad…

          • indescribable hat

            Shhhh you must not talk about them at all

      • EmAndScoutInBK

        I actually had a super negative reaction to Ryan tonight. I was not having it when he started talking about how “weird” Simone is. “She just doesn’t fit in” has been coded white man survivor racism for a long time – not that 35 seasons hasn’t prepared me for it, especially in the early episodes.

        • Prom King

          I thought that was an odd thing for him (of all people) to call her too. But do you really think it was racism? Rather than him just not liking how she carried herself or her dislike of the outside alienating her from everyone else? She came across as pretty pretentious to me (and the not liking the outside was odd as well) – and he did appear to ally with Ali.

          My jury’s still out on Ryan, so I’m not necessarily defending him, but rather questioning whether his comments were actually coming from a place of racism. I just don’t see it.

          • EmAndScoutInBK

            Aside from what we know about Ryan outside of the game, which definitely lends itself to that assumption, I don’t think complaining that it’s hot is enough to qualify as weird (which she did in confessional). I think this is a case of what did we see vs. what did they tell. Despite not loving the outdoors coming in (which is not exactly unusual in the history of Survivor), we literally saw her cleaning a fish with in five minutes of that. Her actions demonstrated trying – she may not have been camping before, but she read up on it and tried to put it into action. I didn’t find her pretentious in the game – what she said to her tribe was, “I hate the outside.. I’m challenging myself.. trying to like new things.” That’s the only real complaining we saw that I can recall, and it was mild. I’m not saying she didn’t gel with the tribe – I’m saying the reason she didn’t gel with the tribe has roots in racism. I’m not saying it’s overt – but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. And I did notice the only person who appeared to reach out to her was Ali. Women of color are almost always targeted early on Survivor – and Survivor is never going to tell that story, that this is the reason they are voted out, especially since it’s not necessarily overt. But any time I hear the words, “weird,” or “doesn’t connect,” or ” isn’t blending well,” my ears are going to prick up.

    • Maritimer

      Same. It kind of hit me during tribal that I no longer hate him. Not going for him, but I don’t hate him

    • Prom King

      But wasn’t that line actually made funny by Patrick? He should get credit for that. Poor Ryan was just weirdly explaining his already weird analogy.

    • Hornacek

      Considering that before the season I was sure that the first tribal the Hustlers went to Ryan would be voted off, I was impressed that his name never came up when discussing the vote.

  • Hornacek

    If Patrick doesn’t get voted out here, then I guess he can say just about anything at tribal and not get voted out.

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      Jeff Varner would like to explain something to you.

      • sharculese

        He would have to understand what he did wrong before he could explain it.

        • DrVanNostrand

          Who knew calling all trans people liars could turn out so badly?

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          Dude… did you read the book?

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Look, we try not to talk about the Incident, but we certainly don’t talk about the book.

    • Looks like we found POTUS 47.

      • Hornacek

        #FakeTribal

  • wonderand

    Most surprising thing about this episode: impressed by Patrick’s very precise handwriting, given his… less precise tribal answer.

    • Purple Rock Emma

      I noticed his nice handwriting as well. Who woulda thunk?

      • i and 1

        There’s a good boy bottled up in there.

  • sharculese

    PSA: after several false starts figuring out how I would do this, check the underground league page after the west coast airing for an actual draft.

  • Hornacek

    So much for diversity! Wait they have a redhead!

    • Sylvisual

      How are we forgetting Obvious Winner Ali?

      • PurpleTally

        Probably because she didn’t say a word during tribal?

        • But the edgic tells me that they want us to see her reactions. You know who else got that? President Lacina.

          • PurpleTally

            Chrissy got a similar edit at the last tribal. Luckily for me, they are both on my pick-4 team.

          • I am not high on Chrissy despite her resembling the Queen of the Netherlands

          • gouis

            You just used ‘edgic’ in a non sarcastic manner. -10 PRP points

          • Hornacek

            Put the sorting hat back on her – I think it made a mistake.

          • What house do you think I am in, Hornacek? You will probably guess wrong.

          • gouis

            Classic Hufflepuff.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            I thought it was established that she was Slytherin. Because she uses the evil fantasy magicks.

          • Hornacek

            The 5th mystery house!

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            A farm house. You can’t own a sheep withinin city limits.

          • Get out, SNP.

          • What makes you think I wasn’t being sarcastic?

      • Hornacek

        You misspelled Roark.

        • Sylvisual

          The Max Dawson Fanclub For Pompous Egomaniacs is two doors down, thank you.

        • gouis

          Who?

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Do we really want to play that game when she’s on a tribe with Jessica? Jessica was actually on screen tonight, but I’d bet none of us could pick her out a lineup.

          • DrVanNostrand

            I believe Cole talked about this ‘Jessica’ person. But no, I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup.

          • Just look for someone who’s [shudder] 30.

        • Dubious Rob

          Last week I thought Roark was the winner. Her non-edit tonight is putting a crack in that theory.

          • DrVanNostrand

            Or strongly supporting that theory based on the OWM edit.

          • Dubious Rob

            There have been winners, almost always female, who’ve had an invisible edit or two, like Sophie and Natalie White, who won in the end against obnoxious men…Oh God, that means we’re getting Joe all season, aren’t we? Goddamnit.

          • DrVanNostrand

            There you go. Roark is Sophie, and Joe is Coach Russell. Suck it, edgic. We just solved the HHH Survivor puzzle.

  • Hornacek

    “You’re the Hustler tribe. When you get knocked down, you get back up.”

    Is the Hustler tribe actually Chumbawumba???

    • Hornacek

      MAKE THIS HAPPEN INTERNET!

    • DrVanNostrand

      “You’re the Hustler tribe. We’ve abandoned all accepted meanings for that term and decided that you’re just the same as the ‘No Collars’. We even gave you the same color”

      • gouis

        And Joe even pointed out how the yellow tribe is the beauty tribe. They’re not even trying anymore.

        • Taako From Teevhii

          So the Heroes are the Brains? I doubt even Chrissy can make up for JP and Alan.

    • Yes they are a group of British anarchists.

    • Maritimer

      I immediately hoped Probst was going to full on quote them there

      • DrVanNostrand

        Are there other words in that song? When I try to sing the song in my head, all I get is “You get knocked down, and you get up again… mumble mumble mumble mumble”.

        • Maritimer

          YOU’RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN

          (that’s it though I think)

        • sharculese

          He takes a whiskey drink
          He takes a vodka drink
          He takes a lager drink
          He takes a cider drink
          He sing the songs that remind him of the good times
          He sing the songs that remind him of the better times

          Ooooh Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boy

          Yes, I have space in brain that could be dedicated to useful things but instead is devoted to the lyrics to Tubthumping. What of it?

          • Hornacek

            Don’t
            cry for me
            next door neighbor

          • He makes a hero tribe
            He makes a healer tribe
            He makes a hustler tribe
            He makes no collar tribe

            He watches tape that reminds him of the good times (talk show)
            He watches tape that reminds him of the best times (Two and a Half Men guest appearance)
            — “Probsthumping”

          • DrVanNostrand

            I’m sure the music video for ‘ProbstHumping’ will be epic.

          • One version for the public, and another just for me.

          • Maritimer
          • MsFjordstone

            It’s “best times” (not “better times”), but thanks for the earworm, which I needed! I’ve been trying to get this minor A-ha song out of my head for days. I was in Norway for two weeks, and my husband kept using that same song to wake us up every day, because it was the only Norwegian song he had on his playlist.

          • Hornacek

            Sorry but 3 different lyrics sites say you’re wrong. “He sing the songs that remind him of the better times” is the lyric.

          • MsFjordstone

            My bad, you are right, I was definitely wrong — and I blame it on the sibilance of the echo effect they are using! — but I do want to point out that because of you, I had to give Chumbawamba their 22,875,919th view.

          • Hornacek

            SEND ME A CHEQUE, CHUMBAWUMBA!

          • indescribable hat

            Isn’t it cider and then lager?

    • Prom King

      True story: Chumbawumba once came to a party at my former flat. Roommates were antagonistic and started shouting that song at them until they left. Fun night!

      • Hornacek

        My favorite Chumbawumba anecdote (maybe the only one about them that exists) is when their Tubthumping album came out and was a big success, they told their fans to steal it instead of buying it. The stores* actually had to remove it from the shelves and you had to ask for it at the cashier.

        * Millennials: in the old days people had to actually go to a store and buy music in a physical medium. I know, right?

        • Purple Rock Emma

          Millennials know about CDs. When will this ire be focused on the rightful target of Gen Z?

          • Hornacek

            But do they know about having to physically go to a store to buy them?

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Yes. Millennials are upwards of 35 years old.

          • We had a long discussion about this at my office once. I found out I was like one year away from being a millennial. I was almost insulted.

            Side note one of my coworkers mentioned MvGX during that didiscussion which is how I found out he was also a Survivor fan…

          • I kind of like Gen Z because it implies there can be no future generations after them. That is it. The end.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Sounds about right.

        • Don’t all the hip kids buy vinyl these days?

          • Hornacek

            I think they’ve stopped using abbreviations in texting (because of the beauty of the English language).

    • indescribable hat

      We can hope!

  • Hornacek

    Next week: redhead prejudice!

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      “Guys! When I yelled ‘burn him!’ I was talking to the sun!”

    • Dubious Rob

      That’s just what Survivor needs to stay fresh and relevant: a prejudice that hasn’t been seen on the show before. There, um, wouldn’t be that many left to pick from.

      • Hornacek

        Next season: left-handed prejudice!

        • Dezbot

          Ginger lefties go home!

          • Hornacek

            (ponders) I’ll allow it.

  • Mike Hirsch

    I’m going to own up to liking Patrick. Or at least, I like that the show is just giving us shots of Patrick being weird and a dork at every opportunity.
    I found myself kind of liking most (all) of the Hustlers tonight. They are a strange tribe. I approve.
    Heroes? Eh. Ben’s ok.
    Healers are harder to gauge but Joe is definitely not Tony, having undergone a slight helping of plastic surgery in order to play again, because if he was, he’d be far more entertaining.

    • the sky is falling

      Yeah, you’re right about Joe, still hope he makes the merge, interesting enough

    • Kingoftonga

      I love Survivor’s character-driven montages, and that “Patrick is an idiot” montage was just killer. I’m sort of glad he’s still around if we’ll get more than that.

      Those of you who paid more attention to the pregame press than I did, what exactly is the small business that he owns?

      • Taako From Teevhii

        Moving company, I believe.

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          Wait. I thought he was the diversity advocate?

          • DrVanNostrand

            The “White Diversity Advocate” would be a great Chappelle Show sketch. He wants to make sure there are Germanic, Nordic, Anglo, Slavic, etc… white people all represented properly in the work force.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            I can’t believe you left out Celtic people. Racist.

          • Sylvisual

            Gingers are not diversity.

      • Mike Hirsch

        I’m going to take a wild stab and say it involves beef jerky that looks and tastes like tree bark.

        • Taako From Teevhii

          So it involves beef jerky.

      • Assistant Dragon Slayer

        Corporate relocations. Like a mover, except for companies.

    • DrVanNostrand

      I’m sure Patrick’s schtick is annoying, at least to some degree. But I’m also sure that the whole montage was wildly exaggerated to fuel the ‘Maybe Simone doesn’t really go home?’ thread.

    • purplerockandy

      It was when they got to the scene of him checking himself out in the reflection of the goggles when I thought “I’m on board for more Patrick if they keep highlighting what a doofus he is”.

      • Mike Hirsch

        That was it for me, too. It’s cracking me up.

      • He actually had me at the crab screaming. But yeah, I’ll take a few more episodes of him being a goofball for sure.

      • My thing is Hot Guys Who Know They Aren’t Cool. I like Patrick.

    • Hornacek

      After finding out that Patrick is afraid of crabs, I find his decision to put a crab in his pocket last week even more perplexing.

      • Purple Rock Emma

        I see you follow me on twitter.

        • Hornacek

          I do, but is this where I got this from? I thought I came up with this on my own.

          Please don’t sue me for plagiarism.

      • Dezbot

        Got crab in pocket
        Got flint I’m gonna use it
        I’m a doofus, no denying
        Gonna make you, Lauren, make you nutso

        • Hornacek

          No time to get down ’cause I’m moving up
          Ah, ha, check out the crabs in the bucket my pocket.

  • the sky is falling

    Seems like this season could still end up pretty solid. good stories started w Mike/Joe/Cole and Alan Chrissy Ben and Ryan/mini woo
    so far Ben is the biggest surprise of the season to me. Seem s my ch more likable and aware than I expected

  • Sylvisual

    The only downside to tonight was that they had to work overtime to fit in all the character development that could have padded out a longer premiere. But I am liking Ben/Chrissy, and Ali the power player on Hustlers. She, Ryan, and Devon could do some damage on that tribe and come swap time once Chrissy comes into play.

    • I think Ali is either the swap boot or the first juror.

      • Sylvisual

        Disagree. She has legs. (And legs.)

        • gouis

          God she’s gorgeous

          • DrVanNostrand

            She won’t get ‘Island Hot’. She’ll get ‘Island Hotter’.

          • gouis

            Being able to braid her hair to ‘clean up’ is such an advantage.

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            It’s still super-early but I feel like we paid so much attention to Desi in the pre-season we somehow overlooked Ali.

          • StormofCuteness

            I actually thought Ali was Desi when everyone was slathering over Desi because that’s how much more I’m attracted to Ali.

          • DrVanNostrand

            I wasn’t paying much attention to preseason, but I definitely didn’t overlook Ali. I could stand her bio, but she was clearly extremely attractive. Desi is too, but she’s gotten way less screen time so far.

      • Mike Hirsch

        Cole is such a first juror.

        • Cole is classic second or third juror ala Joey Amazing 1.0.

          • Mike Hirsch

            Ok, yeah, he’s a great “1st individual immunity challenge winner” that is immediately booted once he doesn’t win.

          • Dezbot

            As long as he makes the jury. He’s my main eye candy this season and I want to see him every week.

        • wonderand

          That *would* put him in a pretty good position to enable others to meet their goals…

      • I’m with you on this. Ali has good game but I think her style of play makes her a visible target.

    • the sky is falling

      Chrissy and Ben are in it for the long haul.

      • My hunch is that they are the two survivors of the Heroes tribe, but they are not winning the game.

        • the sky is falling

          Good call

        • Dubious Rob

          I wouldn’t be surprised if Ben and Chrissy end up being the swing votes between the Healers and the Hustlers come the merge, which would mean they probably wouldn’t place any higher than fifth.

          • That’s a good call. If Ben was the winner, then Probst would be OVER THE FREAKING MOON about it.

    • PurpleTally

      I’m in on Ali. Would love to see her work with Chrissy in the post-merge.

    • DrVanNostrand

      Ali is very active and very social. I like her game so far.

    • Mike Hirsch

      If Ali really is OWA, at least I can, like, see that.

      • Diego Armando

        Ali is good. I like her.

    • NearlyNina

      I was impressed with Ali this episode, particularly since I hadn’t thought highly of her previously. She worked to pull in Simone which was smart and she seems to be in with Ryan and Devon now too. That being said though she is the third in that alliance and Patrick isn’t doing her any favours and now she doesn’t even have Simone so… Good planning, but, so far not a whole lot of ability to actually follow through and convince people. Knowing about people’s plans and having “choices” is only really helpful if you can do something with that info.

      • Ms. Sweaterfan

        Ali impressed me too! I went into the season ready to like her, but I thought for sure she would be a sidekick type. Instead, this episode portrayed her as a bit of a shot caller. And though I think she was a little bit less in charge than they made her out to be, I think that bodes well for her story arc in the long run.

        • i and 1

          She was the one I picked for my pick-4 that I wanted to the least, from a strategic perspective. Celebrity Assistant? It seemed so far removed, yet maybe I subconsciously understood the power of swimming in bullshit for a living. Anyhow, I decided if I think she’s a bad choice, then she’s probably a good one, and man was I right!

      • Max_Jets

        I don’t think there was a bad option for her tonight as she is positioned well with everyone, so she went with trying to avoid tribal.

  • Taako From Teevhii

    Ok, I have to post this now to get some eyes on it:

    Ladles and spatulas, dwarves and elves, fellow PRP commenters of all stars and stripes: I come to you with a plug. It’s not a fantasy baseball league (though I hear the PRP fantasy basketball league could use recruits and/or a commissioner to run their league). The thing I’m plugging here is a binge listen of The Adventure Zone. It’s a podcast where, in the words of the hosts, “four idiots play DnD so hard, they made themselves cry.”

    Now if a podcast devoted to Dungeons and Dragons sounds too nerdy for you, get over yourself and realize you’re reading a website devoted to Survivor. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be negging you. But really, don’t worry about that, because the story quickly goes off the DnD narrative rails. At its core, this podcast is three brothers and their dad presenting a science-fantasy epic to the rhythm of “goof-goof-dildo.” Those brothers in particular are the McElroy brothers of podcast- and advice show on a failed alternative comedy network-fame. Well, they’re semi-famous at least. One of them might be Twitter-verified. If that means anything to you.

    @sharculese:disqus and I are trying to see how many other PRP peeps would like to join us on this binge listen (what would be a re-listen for some of you). So if it sounds like your thing, let us know! And if it doesn’t, consider just trying the first few episodes with us; you might find that it very quickly becomes your thing. Also, if you were ever curious at all about the inspiration of my screen name, this is the time and place. If we get enough interest, we’ll come up with a watch schedule, discussion questions, and such.

    • DrVanNostrand

      IN!

      • Taako From Teevhii

        My man!

    • Purplerockmatt

      I will not binge relisten but I will also say that TAZ is a great great podcast and very funny.

      • Purple Rock Emma

        Nerd

        • Diego Armando

          I want to take this time to welcome you to the Baseball Cellar. Our teams sucked equally this year and our archnemises made the post-season. At least the Twinkies didn’t last long. May the Dodgers get snakebit.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Thank you. I wish your team could’ve won another game though. We’ve never had the number one pick before!

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            I’d join this conversation, but I have baseball to watch.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Fuck off, hopper.

    • I need to listen to this eventually right?

      • Taako From Teevhii

        By hook or by crook. Probably best to just come to terms with it.

      • DrVanNostrand

        Obviously

    • Sylvisual

      I could be convinced for entirely selfish reasons. But I’ll listen on my own time.

      • Taako From Teevhii

        People always say that and then they end up racing through it.

      • DrVanNostrand

        Start at the same time we do, and you’ll probably find the bigger difficulty is not binging faster than us.

    • the sky is falling

      Get a room! sorry I am just generally anti-podcast, mostly don’t get the medium. Sorry to be a negative nancy, enjoy yer new podcast thing

      • Taako From Teevhii

        …You know why this site exists, right?

        • the sky is falling

          This is the only podcast I’ve ever watched. They also post a lot of text based content. Pivot to video is a bad thing. Also it’s a review of existing show, your thing is too fringe for me, nbd, just not for me, shoulda kept comment to myself, lol

      • NearlyNina

        I’ve tried to be into podcasts, but this is pretty much the only one I listen to as well. I love the ability to listen while doing other things, but I find so many are just not that good.

        • Taako From Teevhii

          My tip is that if you listen to them at 1.5 speed, some of them are more interesting than they might otherwise sound.

          • gouis

            I refuse to do that. If I don’t have enough time I’ll just get rid of the ones that I care about less.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            It’s not a time thing, though it does have that effect. It’s more of a pacing/rhythm thing. Some podcasters talk in a certain cadence because they think it makes for better audio when it actually just makes them sound unnatural and over-rehearsed.

          • gouis

            Like First One Out on RHAP? ZING

          • DrVanNostrand

            In grad school, they started recording all the lectures. I stopped going to all my 90 minute lectures and watched them online because I don’t have a 90 minute attention span (at least for boring lecture shit). When I discovered the 2x button, I realized that I had basically wasted half of my academic career.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Maybe 10% of the population can make the lecture format work, and nearly none of them are academics. It sucks.

          • gouis

            I teach in an active learning style classroom. Full lecture classes are a terrible idea and a holdover from when professors were seen as ‘keepers of knowledge’ who had to come down form up on high to deliver nuggets of wisdom.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            And the key to that is that if students aren’t active agents in their own learning, they’re just mimicking the actions they watch the instructor do. And then they’re not internalizing any of the things we’re trying to teach, they’re just performing monkeys.

          • sharculese

            A good lecture is a story. It draws you in to what’s going on and makes you want to engage with it on your own. It shouldn’t be the only tool in your arsenal, but it’s not worth discarding just because a lot of people are bad at it.

            Saturday mornings I work with a program that prepares green card holders for the citizenship test. One of the questions they’re supposed to be able to robotically answer is “what is the rule of law?” (everyone must obey the law/the government must obey the law). All of them could answer the question, but none of them cared about what it meant until I built a 15 minute lecture for them on how the first 3 sections of the Constitution fit together.

          • gouis

            OK that’s in context of other things though. I still lecture for 10-15 minute stretches. You have to constantly mix it up with KIDS THESE DAYS

            Also that sounds like a cool program.

          • sharculese

            Single best class session I ever had was the professor who opened Federal Courts by talking for 90 minutes about how Marbury v. Madison was wrongly decided. It was entertaining as fuck and it made you think. It can be done.

            Also that sounds like a cool program.

            It’s so cool. Especially because right now we’re on a hot streak of having 8 of our last 8 students pass their test. Last guy was a Guatemalan who’d been here for years but never bothered to apply for citizenship. Then his son decided he wanted to be a citizen, joined the army, and got killed in Afghanistan, so he decided he was gonna complete the process in his memory.

          • gouis

            OK that’s fair, it’s very subject dependent.

            I’ve been in way too many physics classes where the professor just derived equations for an hour straight though. Science is about doing not copying.

          • sharculese

            Oh yeah, I would not carry what I’m saying over to the sciences. Not at all. Maybe like an intro survey class, but that’s it.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            That’s awesome that you get to do that on Saturdays. I had to pick up trash on the side of the highway.

          • Given your history as a serial public urinator, you’re lucky the judge only gave you community service.

          • Hornacek

            Doesn’t he have uromysotisis? His doctor gave him a public urination card.

          • DrVanNostrand

            As an engineer, I’m not even sure how to improve the system. The material is dry and tedious, with a great deal of theory to learn and understand. Most of the time, little of it makes sense until you actually start trying to solve problems. I was constantly going back to book and lecture, and things came together through the process of doing. I’m not sure how to cram that into 3 hrs/week, or how that 3 hrs/week could be better spent. But recording the lectures was a massive benefit.

          • gouis

            So I teach physics classes to all engineers.

            They’re 2 hour classes MWF with sometimes labs during that time. It’s like 6 big round tables in the room.

            Like you said it doesn’t make sense until you try to solve problems. So I introduce material, and then people work on a problem while me and a TA circulate around the room to help people as they work on it together. I think it works pretty well.

          • DrVanNostrand

            I stopped going to my Engineering Physics lectures in undergrad entirely. They were giant weedout classes with hundreds of students and a Physics prof who barely gave a shit. Two of the worst classes in my life. You sound like you’re doing much better.

          • gouis

            These classes are capped at 40 students because of the rooms so they’re supposed to be better. But I’m new here and can tell that some of the profs still don’t care and treat it like a weed out class. They really do have an adversarial relationship with the students and I don’t like it at all.

          • TheForRealDeal

            This is how it was in my physics undergrad, except the problem solving portion was in addition to lecture and lab. Just do it all kids!

          • gouis

            The other thing to do is go to whole hog and do a flipped classroom. All lectures are only online, and classroom time is 100% spent on working on problems.

            That only works if the students actually read/watch the lectures, so I wouldn’t trust undergraduates to do that.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            wouldn’t and shouldn’t

          • gouis

            I’m confused, I thought you were a young one. How old are you?

          • Taako From Teevhii

            21. But I’m currently a teaching licensure candidate who does none of the readings for my classes even though I definitely know better.

          • gouis

            DO YOUR READINGS YOUNG MAN.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            NO

          • Maritimer

            I made it through law school not doing readings. Its fine.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            The great thing is that my teachers are teachers of teachers, so they totally get it. And in this year 2017 where we live in an apocalyptic nightmare ruled by President Fucking Moron, they’re actually pushing us to focus more on self-care than on our work. They’re all awesome.

          • Maritimer

            Readings overrated when we aren’t sure if there will be a 2020

          • indescribable hat

            I had one (1) engineering professor who taught solid mechanics the way the good high school math teachers taught, i.e. introduce some concepts, then give us problems to do, walk around the room looking at our work, talk with us about the problems, repeat with the next concept. It was amazing, and we all adored that professor, and we all understood the material really well. In so many of my other math/problem set heavy courses all the students spent lectures producing notes that we did not understand at the time but would try to decipher while we did our problem sets. I got the feeling some professors thought teaching more effectively would have been beneath them.

          • Diego Armando

            The best lecture I ever attended in college was in a Biology of Reptiles and Amphibians course. An expert in tuataras came in and was absolutely fascinating. It made me want to learn more on tuataras.

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            I listen to a shit-ton of podcasts at 1.75x speed. More efficient and you get used to it. When I listen to a podcast at normal speed (or for example listen to This American Life on the radio in my car) everybody sounds super-stoned.

          • indescribable hat

            My mom once did this accidentally, thought she was going crazy, and when eventually I found out and explained to her what was going on and she was quite distressed that anyone would do that on purpose.

        • To be fair, this one isn’t that good either.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Stop it, John. You’re being far too generous.

      • Diego Armando

        You are aware that you are proclaiming a hatred of podcasts on a podcast website?

        I’m not trying to mock your opinion, which is fine, but the juxtaposition is kind of humorous.

        • Alkanarra

          Wait a minute, there’s a podcast on this commenting board?

          • Diego Armando

            Not on this specifically, but the site has Podcast in its name.

          • Alkanarra

            Oh don’t mind me, I’m just being an asshole.

        • the sky is falling

          Yeah, not meant as s diss of this site at all. I’m an AV club refugee. I’m here mainly for the sweet sweet snark, Tony hype posts and the fantasy league.

          • indescribable hat

            Look, around here we expect refugees to assimilate into our podcast listening culture. You better get a long commute quick.

    • Saturday Night Palsy

      I’d rather play than listen, but I may give it a shot.

      • Taako From Teevhii

        We’re going to need a good rogue in this group.

        • Saturday Night Palsy

          I can hang back in a fight and hide in the shadows with the best of them!

          • Taako From Teevhii

            But wait, what’s the bard going to do then?

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Suck. What else do they do?

          • Get bullied.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Oh wait. John, are you a bard?

          • Taako From Teevhii

            I’m really piling on tonight. I’ll stop now, @purplerockjohn:disqus

          • Never stop.

          • sharculese

            That’s what she didn’t say.

          • Saturday Night Palsy

            Echo and the Bunnymen n-n-n-n-n-never did.

            Well, the drummer did.

          • sharculese

            Die at 27?

          • NearlyNina

            I was totally a bard…
            I sucked and died…
            To be fair though, bards could be really cool in campaigns that are more than just linear hack and slashes.

          • sharculese

            “campaigns that are more than just linear hack and slashes”

            You know what’s not a linear hack and slash? The Adventure Zone. They go whole scenarios where they have like 2 or 3 encounters.

          • Hornacek

            “Brave-brave Sir Garrick, Sir Garrick led the way. Brave-brave Sir Garrick, Sir Garrick ran away”

    • Diego Armando

      I might not relisten, but would join in discussion.

      • Taako From Teevhii

        Always welcome to do that.

    • From the beginning? I’ve been on the fence about starting for a while, so, yeah, I could….how does that metaphor end? Buy a gate?

      So, sure.

      • sharculese

        It’s D&D, so I believe the appropriate metaphor is that you’re going to attack the gazebo.

        • I have never done anything RPG-related in my life, nor have I ever paid any attention to them in spite of (1) being a nerd and (2) surrounding myself with nerds. So this will be an adventure.

    • Dezbot

      It sounds kind of fun and it’s a podcast I’ve actually heard of, so…maybe? How time-intensive would this be?

      • Taako From Teevhii

        We’re going to figure out who else is down and what’s going to work best. We’re not trying to make this homework for anyone because fuck that.

    • purplerockandy

      You guys are gonna need to @ me if anything in this thread needs moderating since I’m sure as fuck not gonna read any of it.

    • Cap’n Neurotic

      I’ve had the first episode downloaded to my phone for months, this would give me a good excuse to finally give it a try.

    • indescribable hat

      I’ll give it a try.

  • sharculese

    Sharculese gets into edgic update:

    So r/enlightened edgic broke down after moderators ‘weeddawg’ and ‘spencerequalshitler’ got into a flame war about the methodology of calculating inverted animal spirals. This week I’ve moved on to r/edgicgrams. The deal is that after the episode, you build concentric rings based on Appearance Factors axially adjusted for in-episode potentialities. You place the remaining players on your ring-gram, then in the following weeks build new ring-grams that intersect the previous ones until patterns start to emerge.

    Preliminary analysis of tonight’s episode indicate that Ryan is getting an Quartz Serpent Twelfth Boot edit, but Chrissy’s alignments she’s going deep, although it’s not clear whether as a Diamond Horse or a Rainbow Crocodile.

    • Taako From Teevhii

      Wait, jokes are outside for a minute; is edgic supposed to be data analysis or astrology? Or can it be two things?

      • gouis

        No, it’s only astrology

        • Taako From Teevhii

          I mean, both are stupid in the context of a tv show.

      • sharculese

        It’s astrology that thinks it’s data analysis.

        • DrVanNostrand

          So, like the people who *really* believe in astrology.

          • gouis

            Edgicers might be worse. Instead of believing in the ‘mystical’ they believe they are hard core data scientist.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Makin’ them fancy color-coded tables, just like the real scientists do it.

          • TheForRealDeal
          • Other Scott

            The thing about Edgic is there might be some statistical basis to what they do, the problem is that you’d need like a 500 season sample size to find that statistical basis because there is just so much noise that they are going though

          • sharculese

            My bigger problem with edgic than the ridiculousness is that it’s fundamentally indistinguishable from being the person who insists on trying to guess the twist to the movie before it happens, no matter how much everyone else in the group asks you to stop.

          • indescribable hat

            Being able to guess what’s going to happen based on the edit is the one aspect of becoming a huge Survivor nerd that makes the show less fun for me.

          • DrVanNostrand

            In all seriousness, it depends on the type of ‘serious’ astrologer you’re talking about. Some are perfectly fine accepting mystical explanations. Others try to co-opt science to come up with far-fetched explanations for the amazing predictive power of astrology. The latter only function by completely ignoring all scientific rigor, but they convince themselves they are really doing objective data analysis.

          • What about numerology, though? Because that shit is real.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Number theory is an actually real thing, but it sucks that numerology stole its name.

          • From the Wikipedia article about “number theory”: “It is sometimes called ‘The Queen of Mathematics…'”

            Okay but it stole MY nickname so turnabout is fair play lbr

          • Now I’m reading about the dawn of arithmetic. I need a boyfriend.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            I bet Wikipedia’s spouting that white-washed Pythagorean bullshit is the dawn of arithmetic.

          • YES it was a stone tablet of Pythagorean triples that they concluded was not found by “brute force.” But let’s talk about brute force from some Pythagorean triplets I found on Craigslist HOOOOOOOOOO *explosion* *thworp* *gangster hat move* “COMBO”

          • Seriously though I’m concerned about their new show on whatever Viceland is.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Apparently it’s UHNhhh but a half hour and with other guests, so I have no clue how that’s supposed to make it better. And since they’re not putting out new UHNhhhs while it airs and I refuse to learn how to watch things on Viceland, I just won’t get my fix.

          • Considering their previous guests were Willam (doesn’t interact with others) and Courtney (unfunny), now I’m even more worried. Why mess with what works? Oh, Hollywood.

          • sharculese

            Viceland is way more awesome than it has any right to be though. Yes, it’s like 25% shows about weed, but they’ve also done a lot of documentary programming that probably couldn’t find a home anywhere else.

            Plus Jungletown is like the greatest hatewatch ever.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Wait a second, I know this one. That’s Plimpton something, right?

          • Plimpton 322. It’s no Martha Plimpton, but it’ll do.

            To be honest, I don’t actually know anything about hardcore math, I’m learning all of this on the fly. I somehow muddled through pre-calc, but once I hit AP Calc, I was out.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            There’s a lot of cool math out there, but it never gets taught outside of universities bc it’s commonly not in the standards. Which isn’t great

          • Once math got hard, I stopped trying.

            Replace “math” with anything, and you understand my lot in life.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Wow, same.

          • If I could give you youngsters advice, I would say…try a little bit. Like, don’t go nuts — this is America, after all — but pushing, like, 3% beyond your normal capacity will reap so many benefits that it’s unbelievable.

            I speak from doing this, finally and already semi-successfully, at the ancient age of [redacted], and if it’s not too late for me, given that I wake up every morning as a desiccated husk of a man, you guys can take over the world.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Oh I was mostly talking about math (was good at it until it was more than memorization), but thank you for the pep talk.

          • I believe that one day you too can be the Queen of Mathematics.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            Nah.

          • TheForRealDeal

            Just don’t try so hard you end up in graduate school.

          • WORD. Biggest mistake of my life.

          • gouis

            One of us. One of us.

          • Alycia Swift

            Agreed. I just ran across a lot of my grad school course books while cleaning and packing to move and looking at the stuff I realized how useless all of it was. I remember so little and I got my grad degree less than five years ago.

          • I’m trying to instill in my kids the concept that they should actually try. It just feels so hypocritical. Like one day they’re going to grow up, and in their off time from crushing the proletariat, they’re going to look back at my history and say, “Who the fuck was this guy to tell us that effort is important?”

          • Doesn’t that seem so alien, given that we came from the heart of the slacker-as-paragon heart of Gen X? (Suck it, Probst.) But it’s the right move. It really doesn’t take MUCH effort to achieve in America, but it takes more than none, which was my fatal flaw.

            And the second step is identifying what you really want to put your effort into, and putting it there. When I did work hard, I did it at something I hated, for…reasons. That was another mistake.

          • Maritimer
          • Hornacek
          • Hornacek

            “(chuckles) Kicked him right in the butt!”

          • I’ve chosen to replace “math” with “British Olympic diver Tom Daley”.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Honey, every mathematician is the queen of mathematics bc math is gay af. I mean, honey, oh honey. Triangles, honey? Third leg honey? Know who had a third leg honey? God, I’m joking, I wish honey, he was like Zeno honey, we kept getting closer but never arrived, you know what I mean honey.

          • ha HAAAAAAAA [smoker’s cough] *thworp*

          • DrVanNostrand

            Fun fact: When you add together the letters of ‘DrVanNostrand’ in base something or other, it comes to ‘666cock’. Which is interesting because I am, in fact, the devil, and will fuck the world to death when the time is right.

    • Kingoftonga

      Needs more acronyms.

      • sharculese

        I have to make one of these every week. Not all of them can be acronym jokes.

        • Taako From Teevhii

          We made it work with FFGCSDT

      • Diego Armando

        She’s getting the Omega Background Victor In Unusual Season winner edit or OBVIUS

    • TheForRealDeal

      I attempted this but I just ended up with the fourth flavor of neutrino. I’ll try again in the morning.

    • DrVanNostrand

      I love the names of the moderators.

  • Kingoftonga

    Was that the first on-screen utterance of the phrase “aqua dump” or am I forgetting? I feel like the concept came up with Darnell in Koah Rong, but not the exact words.

    • indescribable hat

      I think you’re right.

  • gouis

    Low key event from he episode: the person that they said was going home after the challenge leading into commercial was the actual person who went home.

    • Other Scott

      TWIST

    • Giant shining spotlight from the episode: having Simone complain about no air conditioning and not playing it as the obvious joke that it was.

      • Purplerockmatt

        Also having someone during the challenge call her out for standing around and doing nothing

      • Diego Armando

        Also. Suddenly having a lot of screen time after having literally no dialogue in the opener.

  • NearlyNina

    Did anyone else notice the honky-tonk music opening when JP gave a confessional? I didn’t even realize he had a strong accent until this episode.

    • DrVanNostrand

      The only thing I remember about JP from this episode is that apparently everyone thinks he’s a simpleton. Which is hilarious. Because he’s basically Jon Misch.

      • He is *exactly* Jon Misch.

        • sharculese

          Does he know as much about wine?

          • I’ll tell you as soon as I can stay awake through one of his confessionals.

        • gouis

          Somehow he’s even more boring.

          • NearlyNina

            Jon was at least aggressively boring. Like his relationship was boring and his hobbies were boring. But what does JP do for fun? We don’t know anything about him on a personal level and I doubt we’re ever going to.

          • DrVanNostrand

            We’ll have to wait and see. I’m sure if JP lasts long enough, we’ll learn all about how he wants to run Michigan’s finest winery, or Tennessee’s premiere sushi restaurant, or whatever the fuck insane thing he wants to do.

          • gouis

            I don’t understand why they cast people like him. I’m sure they can find buff people who are at least SLIGHTLY interesting.

          • NearlyNina

            I feel like maybe they’re trying for a James from China “gentle giant” type thing. Where oh he’s so buff and amazing but he’s soft-spoken and humble, or something.

            I also feel like I need to clarify that I think James is an asshole, just so we’re clear!

          • Prom King

            But James was delightful in his first two seasons! One of my favorite characters, until HvV.

          • NearlyNina

            Ughhh him and Jon-Robert talking about Courtney in the water in China and his treatment of Chet in fans vs favourites made me heavily dislike him.

          • Prom King

            Huh. If you mean this:

            then James didn’t actually say anything negative about Courtney. He responds to Jean-Robert’s gross comment about her (something like “You know you want a million dollars and some ass”) with “I want a million dollars and a sandwich”.

            And I don’t remember him treating Chet in any way whatsoever. In fact they were never on a tribe together! Even after the swap they were on different tribes. It was Joel Anderson who mistreated Chet.

          • NearlyNina

            Wow! I’ve totally thought it was Chet and James during that challenge for years! To be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever rewatched FvF and I don’t remember Joel being a person AT ALL.

            It’s possible I’ve just been thinking of James from HvV and allowing that along with his closeness to Jean-Robert to mar my memory of him from his first two seasons. I know later the girls discuss sleeping arrangements and how disgusting JR was when they get the bath reward, but I don’t recall if it was just him with James only being mentioned in the episode since they were aligned or not although it’s possible that in that sense in my mind it became JR+James vs. Todd+Courtney+Amanda not only in terms of alliances but also actions.

            I mean I do remember liking James initially. I’m probably just off on when that changed. Especially since I was 100% certain he was the one dragging Chet around.

          • Prom King

            I thought that might be the case because James in HvV is often a really unbearable asshole. He acts roided out with his multiple bursts of rage, talks down to Stephenie repeatedly, lectures the rest of his tribe, and his treatment of Randy after a challenge was a pathetic low. He was a completely different person and a big part of why it was so much fun to watch the so-called Heroes go down, down, down.

            I can see why that terrible behavior could cast such a shadow over his character that people start mis-remembering how he was in his prior seasons. Which is a shame. James in Micronesia is often delightful and even takes the Black Widow alliance well (although he gets annoyingly lecture-y at final tribal – but even that speech is so garbled it’s amusing). And I think the James in China is one of the most delightful players to ever appear on any Survivor season. So funny, unusual, and such a good sport. That incarnation is one of my absolute favorite characters. If you re-watch, you may particularly enjoy the various times he mocks Jean-Robert.

          • gouis

            James is orders of magnitude more interesting than JP

          • NearlyNina

            I said trying, not succeeding! 🙂

        • I think Jon is a bit more likable than JP.

          • DrVanNostrand

            Him?

        • Purple Rock Emma

          He’s Jon Misch without the charisma.

          • This. Misch had a bit of a charm. You all called Mike Holloway a Golden Retriever, but I think Jon Misch is a better fit for that selection.

          • purplerockandy

            I actually think Patrick is more Jon Misch than is JP.

          • Absolutely. I saw someone tweet that Patrick is very Gaston and that actually a good fit for Jon Misch as well.

            I think JP is more Tyler Frederickson.

          • sharculese

            JP’s not a Tyler. He’s got the confidence of the dumb, and that means he’ll never be a desperate try-hard like Tyler.

          • Also, JP has appeared on Survivor.

          • Maritimer

            I said it last week, but I think JP is Eddie, but a little less entertaining

          • Purple Rock Emma

            This was more a joke about JP being so devoid of personality that Jon looks charismatic by comparison but okay.

          • Diego Armando

            Misch had some strategic utility.

        • Max_Jets

          He is how we remember Jon Misch. Jon wasn’t terribly interesting, but he was way more interesting than JP and things like that.

    • ExtraLargePelican

      Those snakes were totally doing it.

    • Assistant Dragon Slayer

      No, but I did notice the didgeridoo when Patrick did his (terrible) Australian accent.

  • Maritimer

    I really, really wish Cole had just shut up, let knockoff Tony think the idol was the raft or whatever and gone off and found that idol on his own. Cole with an idol would have been unstoppable.

    I was also worried for all of us at the start when Chrissy was talking about her non-idol play for what felt like 5 minutes. I thought it meant it would come back and bite her

    • Violina23

      Yes! Maybe he was trying to solidify an ally, but I think it was more likely he spit that out without thinking…

      • Maritimer

        Definitely. He figured it out and the words left his mouth before he really thought about it

  • Ms. Sweaterfan

    I’m struggling to come up with much to say about this episode, though I do think this season is slightly exceeding my expectations so far. Pretty much all of the players I came into the season excited about are likable and playing well so far, and no one is truly objectionable.
    Also (and I merely offer this as an observation with no malice in my heart whatsoever) when Lauren was sitting around the fire with her cap on, I thought she was the spitting image of Judd Sargeant.

  • Hornacek

    “8:51 Lauren: ‘If you mean all say all, if you mean moose say moose'”

    A moose once bit my sister.

    • DrVanNostrand

      I have a friend from Saskatchewan whose brother fought off a charging moose by hiding behind a wheel barrow and whacking it in the head with a shovel. His family made him a shirt that said: “Me: 1, (picture of moose head): 0”

    • No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”

  • Diego Armando

    Well, who didn’t see that coming. I don’t get where the Patrick is untrustworthy narrative came from. It looked more like he was trying to be funny, but wound up being annoying (although Lauren seemed to be only person really annoyed by him). I wonder why Ali would want to keep the person who seemed to really trust her instead of risking future tribals to appease the next lowest person on the totem pole?

    • DrVanNostrand

      My gut feeling from the way she was talking was that she had a really good relationship with Patrick, but it was more of an equal relationship. As George Costanza might say, she had ‘hand’ in the relationship with Simone.

      • Diego Armando

        Yeah, but I think Simone is less useful to the tribe and more likely to bolt if things go bad. Plus, keeping her doesn’t really benefit Ryan or Devin.

        Honestly, Patrick could be the ideal goat for Ali. He’s loyal, will probably follow voting instructions and will likely annoy the voters enough to vote against him.

        • Ms. Sweaterfan

          Good point and also I hope this happens because I have Ali on my Pick 4 and Patrick on my Outcast Team 😀

        • Prom King

          He’s also delightful to watch. He reminded me of Greg Buis except not particularly smart.

    • Streets_Ahead

      Apparently Ali and Patrick went to college together. Not sure how well they knew each other, but they were at a minimum aware of each others existence. That might have been a factor.

      • Hornacek

        They were friends of friends, and Patrick helped Ali move.

        Ali recognized Patrick in the pre-season. No word on whether Patrick recognized her.

  • Roswulf

    Well, that was dull. Semone just wasn’t prepared to play any game of Survivor post-Season 1.

    I do appreciate the extra insights we got into what “Hustler” means. Based on Jeff’s last comments, I believe it means a member of Chumbawumba, who, as we all know “get knocked down, and then get up again”.

    Apologies to anyone below who has already made this joke.

    • Prom King

      As if she wasn’t the most obvious first boot on her tribe already, she had to go and make TWO comments about her so-called “narrative” … just stop already, Simone.

      Although it was worth having her on this season if only because it gave us a scene where Ryan of all people called her weird. Ryan! I had to laugh.

      • Head Architect Sylvia

        But she’s so meta1!!!1!!! How cool! I heard way too much out of Simone, Patrick and Ryan in this episode.

        Is Ryan even that weird though or is he just trying super hard to be weird because production gave him a turtleneck and because he has never had a girlfriend. Oh, and how could I forget the nonsensical analogies! Lol! What a quirky guy.

        • Prom King

          He accents his natural quirkiness with… more quirkiness! I’m still in the do I like him or do I not like him stage with Ryan.

          I hope you come around to Patrick. I thought he was a ray of light in an otherwise sorta dull episode. Although the Chrissy parts were good too. So that’s two characters I’m appreciating at least. Ok I will throw in Ali and Ben for good measure.

          I wonder if you’re already over Patrick due to seeing so much of Luke in Australian Survivor. Goofy Dude overload?

          • Head Architect Sylvia

            I suppose that’s fair, it’s obvious both he and the editors are playing it up a lot though but that’s normal for reality tv so I should probably just calm down for a second.

            I’d like to but I really don’t think I will. Maybe I was just in a highly cynical mood when I was watching this week though. I’ll try to give Patrick more of a chance next time.

            Yeah, that’s quite possible. I had a bit of a love/hate reaction towards Luke but overall I’d say I liked him more than I disliked him. So maybe I’ll have the same reaction towards Patrick. I do think there was probably slightly too much time spent on Luke so you’re right – it’s probably having an impact. These guys are exhausting!

            I think my overall pretty negative opinion of the season so far could have a lot to do with Aus Survivor though. I’m usually pumped for Survivor coming around every 6 months but watching 2-3 high quality eps of Aus Survivor each week this feels like a bit of an afterthought that I’m not really engaging with much.

            Also I have to finish my recap! Lol oops. Sorry team. Getting back on that now.

          • Prom King

            This season of Aus Survivor has been so high quality. Definitely in the top half of Survivor seasons for me.

          • Manic Pixie Dream Boy!

        • UseYourCommonSense

          Yeah he doesn’t come across a genuinely nerdy to me at all.

    • Crappy

      Yes, the outcome and tribal itself was predictable but from story point of view we got a lot of good stuff IMO.

    • Hornacek

      I accept your apology.

  • Dubious Rob

    I’m surprised the editors didn’t make Lauren the decoy boot instead of Patrick. They’d already established that she was a loner and the oldest woman. Her name had to have come up more than once. The only reason that I’d believe it was Patrick is the supposed pattern of surprising or crazy second boots.

    • Head Architect Sylvia

      Maybe they just used it as an opportunity to give him some exposure/develop his character a bit more because they think he’s more interesting than someone like Lauren. Personally I can’t stand him, feels like he’s trying way too hard. Feels like a lot of people are trying way too hard – see: Ryan’s birthday party analogy.

      • i and 1

        Yeah, I have an instinct to rise to Ryan’s defense on the analogy, because it was a first draft, From a certain perspective there’s the roots of a real feeling there: it’s an organized get-together, a big deal (TV with Jeff)–but no, I am only gonna waste enough time on this to announce here that it’s not worth wasting my time on. That’s the problem with creativity, with thinking. Not always appopriate.

        • Head Architect Sylvia

          Yeah, Lauren’s answer was much more apt because she didn’t feel the need to put some kind of quirky/unique spin on it. It was definitely half an idea which he decided to persevere with anyway so he’d still get the laughs and precious screen time. I guess I’m a cynic.

        • Maritimer

          I liked Ryan’s analogy, mostly because I took it as Probst being the kid who nobody wanted to go to his birthday party and that made me laugh

          • Alycia Swift

            I never thought of that but your comment made me laugh.

    • Crappy

      How could they when Simone voted for Patrick and he was the actual decoy plan they fed to her?

      • Dubious Rob

        Touche, as Kat would say.

        • Hornacek

          Cool beans.

  • purplerockandy

    Hey, can you all do my a favour?

    I’m struggling to put together a breakdown about what to talk about for an hour(ish) long podcast. So if you could start writing some outlandish shit like “they should’ve voted out Patrick” or “Chrissy is so obviously in a better position now, trying to piece together a majority of three than she would have been if Katrina were still around”, that would really help me find something to yell at Matt about.

    • Max_Jets

      I know your phrasing is trolling but you REALLY still think she made a bad call? Do you need to watch the idol strip search scene again? Of course she knows that her tribe is a fracturing mess!

      • Just under the wire.

      • purplerockandy

        Sadly, no… I don’t really. I’m just trying to drum up something, ANYTHING here.

      • prettyboyprobst

        I thought Andy already conceded defeat when he didn’t list Chrissy as the second boot from the Heroes tribe in the predictions. (Neither did anyone else from the PRP staff and only 3% of the listeners/readers – surely he knows that it wasn’t his most convincing rant, and why it fell on deaf ears…)

        • purplerockandy

          No, I’m just imaginative enough to think of a move being wrong and yet still not leading to someone’s IMMEDIATE ouster.

          • prettyboyprobst

            Yeah, I think most people can make that leap, but is it still relevant then?

            Even if there was a Mom-alliance going on that she would have deemed worthy to preserve, I have to imagine that, more often than not, a majority-alliance that gets blindsided with the help of an idol by a minority would see that as enough reason to table any in-fighting that may have occurred, and target that minority again. Same reasons still exist, but now with the added joy of dishing out retribution for the blindside.
            So it would have been unjustifiably optimistic for her to expect anything more from that idol play than surviving one more tribal (by keeping the original target around, although it would still have required some skill of her not to become the Mom Squad’s Most Wanted for the idol play), which you (and everyone) granted her even before this second episode with that prediction.
            Not playing it also put her in a good non-threatening position to put out her feelers to and build relationships with the remaining tribemates, as we could witness this week. That would have been harder if all everyone could think, when she would have approached them after an idol play, is “She’s talking to me because they need a third vote”.
            So if you’re really still fighting this battle after seeing the aftermath play out, I’m going to need to need some more shouting, because at this point I honestly don’t know why and how you would expect her to be in a better position had she played the idol.

            More topics (not sure when you’re recording): The healers have been very successful, but will this be their downfall? Will they be targeted at swaps (and after the merge, if this continues)? I could see the remnants of the other two tribes rule the post merge .

            Outrageous opinion: They should aim for 2nd in the coming challenges.

            We got a lot from Ryan and Ali in these first two episodes.
            Outrageous opinion: After working well together on this vote, they will eventually identify each other as biggest threats in the game and clash. One of them goes pre-merge, the other is the merge-boot.
            Devon will inherit Ryan’s edit and go on to win

            Apropos edits: Roark is (still?) an Edgic darling because she got the first confessional of her tribe at the campsite. I thought you would like that. They are however worried, that we haven’t been told what her job is and what she’s all about, so to say. I have listened to a lot of Wigler’s preseason coverage, read bios, watched videos but I don’t know more than the average viewer on that. So far, I find everything about her very forgettable, which of course could play to her advantage and probably means that she wins.

    • Can you remember any other season starting this slowly?

    • Prom King

      The sweet taste of Andy being proved wrong this episode…

      The only thing I could suggest would be talking about how these first episodes are some of the most underwhelming opening episodes of the series. That sounds like a sad (and short) podcast. But I’m confident you guys could make it funny!

      • purplerockandy

        You all want me to yell at you again about last week. Check, got it.

        • Prom King

          If you are going to focus on the first episode again, you should do a compare & contrast with other underwhelming premieres. Which is the worst? Does this season actually have the all-time worst opening episode?

          Then you’ll have to find something else to talk about for the remaining 55 minutes.

          • Max_Jets

            The premiere had Alan! I think MvGX was the worst recent premiere.

          • Prom King

            Alan is painful for me to watch. When I re-watched the premiere, I muted all of his nonsense.

          • Max_Jets

            Gonna breeze right past this Alan hate and say that I do think the premiere would have been good if they had more time. This episode was really fun outside of an uninteresting conclusion.

          • I think people were grading the premiere too harshly. They had to cram introductions, two challenges, a new idol, and a tribal council into 42 minutes of screen time. Of course it felt rushed!

          • Diego Armando

            Openers are rarely the greatest episodes of the series.

          • Prom King

            For me it was less about being rushed and more about having to watch the Alan scene and the Joe scene. (And being rushed means less time for players to play up their characters to the camera due to first episode, and less time for Probst to try to hit the theme as hard as he can.)

            After an excruciating Big Brother scene, I’m just over assholes getting up in people’s faces for no good reason other than “being an asshole is my so-called strategy because it makes them uncomfortable”

          • I absolutely agree, if only because of the typhoon. It really shortshifted Rachel (but we at least got a sense for why she was voted out).

          • Diego Armando

            I had her picked as my first boot. My guess was that Chris, Bret and Paul would align as the older men they would join forces with the Moms (Sunday, Lucy, and Cece). The men would butt heads with the younger Ken, but keep him for challenge strength. Jessica would be a loosely connected member of that starting alliance. David would be on an island to himself, but would probably have one of the women vouch for him. Rachel would be in the minority and would be the easy target. I was wrong on Cece, but got the rest of it pretty close.

          • That sounds like a lot of work. Why not just narrow it down to the seasons they have podcasted about?

          • purplerockandy

            The issue of answering “has there ever been a more forgettable start to a season” is that if we can remember a comp, then it can’t be the answer. But this might be a discussion worth having.

          • sharculese

            Cursory run-down suggests Thailand.

          • Diego Armando

            South Pacific maybe. Maybe Panama.

          • Cirie hated leaves. There, I just elevated Panama.

          • Diego Armando

            Yeah Panama was okay. I think it just popped into my head because I consider it to be the most generic season of the show.

          • Max_Jets

            Panama’s isn’t bad. Tina is a memorable first boot with her content about her son’s death, and we get to see Cirie work her magic.

          • I actually just started watching Panama this week (never seen it before) and I can agree, first episode is pretty good. I’m halfway through ep. 2 and I’m disappointed that the four tribe format lasted for just 3 days…

          • Prom King

            I can’t remember a comp from Panama’s first episode but it had Cirie and leaves! Definitely not a contender for a forgettable first episode.

        • Assistant Dragon Slayer

          Andy… is…. WRONG!

    • Streets_Ahead

      -Joe/Cole idol find. Should Joe have involved Cole? Should Cole have pretended he didn’t know what the clue meant and got the idol himself? How much trouble is Joe potentially since Cole knows he has the idol?

      -Why not Lauren? (not too much to go on here I know) What are we missing? Older woman and seems to be an outsider but wasn’t targeted? Should she have been targeted?

      -Did Patrick survive because he and Ali went to College together? Or was it something else?

      -Still think Chrissy made the wrong move? Thoughts on Chrissy/Hero tribe? (Pretty much all the Hero tribe stuff was around Chrissy) How is an actuary a hero? Are people in accounting heroes too?

      -Why do people care about Roark? She’s almost non-existent.

      -Is there actually a person called Desi on this season? Supposedly she brings diversity to the cast and even the comments here don’t seem to remember that. To be fair I have yet to see proof she exists.

      • Diego Armando

        I think Lauren might just be useful around camp. She seemed to take control of shelter building and can fish. That probably bought her this week. She’s toast at the next tribal though.

      • indescribable hat

        I liked Roark’s preseason stuff and am kinda bummed that we’re not going to get what I hoped we would from her. I think that’s what’s going on with most people who care about Roark.

        (She compared herself to Sophie and Courtney, seemed like a smart oddball type who could possibly give good confessionals and play well.)

    • Maritimer

      I think its very clear that Patrick and Simone should have banded together, brought in Lauren and Ali, and blindsided Devon. Strength isn’t important at this stage in the game, gotta get the physical threats out

    • gouis

      Joe’s early game is better than Tony’s

      • YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!

        • gouis

          Shh I’m just trying to come up with hot take straw men for Andy to yell about

          • Sorry, sorry. I forgot I wasn’t on r/Survivor.

          • Purple Rock Emma

            This wouldn’t keep happening if you would just stop going on r/survivor.

      • purplerockandy

        That’s the stuff.

    • So how do you think Cole and Jessica will last as a relationship? And how dumb are the Healers tribe if they don’t get rid of them? And who is in control of Heroes right now? And was that a fun challenge using Survivor previous locations as an element?

      • Kind of hope in 3 episodes time Cole will announce his impending fatherhood with another woman tbh.

    • Diego Armando

      Lauren did everything perfectly and is being set up a winner. Is that good enough?

    • Hornacek

      Will Cole get in trouble with environmental groups for damaging that tree with the machete?

    • Diego Armando

      Was there any legitimate reason to vote out Patrick (for Ryan, Devon & Ali) and were the three of them ever seriously considering it. Ali’s phrasing to Ryan was “Lauren suggested Patrick”, meaning Lauren was the one that wanted him gone.

      Also, do you think there is any chance whatsoever that Lauren survives the war she starts between herself and Patrick in next weeks preview (provided they go to Tribal Council again)?

      • Roswulf

        For Ryan and Devon? No. But if I’m a woman on Survivor, my preference is to NOT be in a majority male alliance voting out women for being weak. I think Ali was totally right that Semone was a much more promising pawn for HER than Patrick was.

        But it absolutely wasn’t worth sticking out her neck if Ryan wasn’t biting on the initial anti-Patrick bait HARD.

        • Diego Armando

          Ali would maybe consider it, but I think the fact that she has some knowledge of Patrick helps justify keeping him. I don’t think Ryan or Devon ever considered voting him out and it 100% was not worth forcing a tie to potentially get rid of Patrick, who Ali has reason to trust. Simone was a lot more likely to bolt later if things go poorly.

    • Diego Armando

      Will Andy eat the slightest bit of crow for Chrissy having slightly more of a plan for the idol than he thought she did?

      • Other Scott

        No

      • danomite10

        Amen!

      • Violina23

        Have you [digitally] met Andy?

    • TheForRealDeal

      Since Joe brought it up, three tribe divisions that aren’t some riff on Brains, Beauty, Brawn?

    • Diego Armando

      Do you have positive feelings towards anyone this season?

    • Assistant Dragon Slayer

      Drake is the best rapper of all time.

      • Purple Rock Emma

        In Patrick’s pregame press he told Josh that even though he’s from Alabama he’s not into country, he’s into rap and hip hop. Who did he name as his favorite artists? Drake and Justin Bieber.

        • Prom King

          This is quite a blow to my love for him. Here’s hoping he was being ironic!

        • DrVanNostrand

          That is sure to fill Andy and Hornacek with national pride.

  • StormofCuteness

    We have seen almost nothing of Roark. Is this a top 6 Aubry edit? Or?

    • Max_Jets

      I think she got a good premiere confessional. It’s only been two episodes, she could even get a Kaoh Rong Aubry edit at this point.

      • Prom King

        Invisible though. I want to believe because I’m rooting for her. But not a single confessional nor much if any focus during challenges?

        • She was edited to be the one to crack the code during the table maze in the first episode.

          • Prom King

            Oh good, thank you for pointing that out. Faith rekindled!

          • She also got the the insert of not wanting to the person to be lifted up to light the fire during the reward challenge.

          • purplerockandy

            OTT

          • For a woman, sorta yeah.

          • Hornacek

            Everyone: “You’re the lightest! We’ll lift you!”
            Roark: “What? No!”

          • purplerockandy

            Winner’s Edit

          • Hornacek

            I can’t wait to see her at the FTC where she discusses at great length how she came to accept that she is a thin person.

          • TheForRealDeal

            (Needs to eat) Dinner’s Edit.

    • Assistant Dragon Slayer

      Healers haven’t gone to tribal (and might not) so they’re on the back burner except for the idol stuff. If they go to tribal at all I think it’s Mike or a blindside of Dollar Store Tony. Roark probably emerges after the swap.

      • Maritimer

        Given Cole’s NTOS segment, I lean towards the blindside option

        • Predicting stuff based on the NTOS is hit and miss. The healers need Cole as a hidden weapon.

          • Maritimer

            I mean a Cole lead blindside of Bargain Tony, not Cole being blindsided.

          • Oh…I like that a lot. After all, Tony never used an idol correctly. Bargain Tony would just go home with it in his pocket.

          • He never *played* an idol correctly. But he *used* that Tyler Perry idol about as correctly as you possibly can.

          • Okay, that’s fair. He also correctly played an idol on LJ in the sense to cover a new-found ally.

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            typing cat gif

          • Maritimer

            I feel selling Bargain Tony on a Mike boot then blindsiding him would be ridiculously easy

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            By the strict definition of playing an idol correctly, maybe not, but I’d say he used the super-idol even better than correctly.

        • Diego Armando

          I am hoping for a Cole Blindside. That would be interesting.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            HOW DARE YOU

          • Diego Armando

            Eh, it’s the part of me that wants unpredictable stuff to happen. Cole going home early would be shocking and good for all of my fantasy teams. I think Joe is more likely to be targeted though.

          • Taako From Teevhii

            Unpredictable sent Malcolm home last season, and I can’t live through that again.

          • Diego Armando

            Yeah that’s true. I don’t really have an opinion on Cole vs. Joe though. I will likely wind up feeling like Tom Servo in the Boggy Creek 2 episode, where he spent a good amount of time hoping the women started mud wresting and when they finally did it said “Is this really what I wanted?”

          • Maritimer

            No. Cole has to be here for the long haul

    • Violina23

      For the sake of my fantasy team, I hope so

  • ExtraLargePelican

    VERY IMPORTANT:

    Is it just me, or is Patrick extremely attractive?

  • ExtraLargePelican

    VERY IMPORTANT:

    Is it just me, or is Patrick extremely attractive? I can’t be the only one, but nobody’s mentioned it yet.

    • I’m going to do a Hot Guys Ranking in the podcast thread. I have to sleep with on it.

      The spoiler is that Patrick is going to rank much higher than most people would probably agree with.

      • i and 1

        A young Lyle Lovett, dipped in cayenne.

        • Assistant Dragon Slayer

          How is that hot, except literally?

          • i and 1

            A near-constant triumph over the social discomfort of awkward eccentricity or something. He’s not losing, exactly, but “needs help”. There must be some Harlequin Romance archetype for this, the approachable goofball who has somehow gotten some things done, who has potential and could possibly be harnessed?! A bit of a project.

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            tl;dr: Peak Julia Roberts.

      • Maritimer

        This sounds like something fun for us all to argue about. I would have him 4th or 5th probably

        • If we did the women (phrasing!), the Desi vs. Ali debate might get heated.

          • Kemper Boyd

            Look. We can’t rabk the women because of the patriarchy.

          • Of course. But if we *did*, though…

          • Assistant Dragon Slayer

            Like everything else, it’s too soon to tell, but it does seem like Desi was a head fake, distracting us from the real deal.

          • Get out of my brain.

          • DrVanNostrand

            I’ve got no problem as long as we agree that in some order, they are clearly 1-2.

      • Dubious Rob

        He’s higher on my list than I thought he’d be. Ben > Patrick > JP > Cole > Ryan > Devon > Alan > Joe > Mike.

        I realize my tastes are not the same as other people’s.

        • Taako From Teevhii

          I find it fascinating that you go straight from Cole to Ryan.

          • Roswulf

            Perfect six-pack, sleek turltleneck, what’s the difference?

          • Dubious Rob

            Devon would have edged him out, but there’s something about his face.

          • Roswulf

            With that in mind, I’m more confused by Mike sliding behind Joe.

          • Dirty.

          • The line from Cole to Ryan would make anyone go straight.

        • Max_Jets

          Patrick > Alan > Ben > Joe > JP > Cole > Devon > Ryan > Mike

      • StormofCuteness

        My rankings (which now include personality):
        Ben, Cole, Alan, Patrick, Mike, Ryan, Devon, JP, Joe

        Without personality:
        Alan, Patrick, Cole, JP, Ben, Joe, Devon, Mike, Ryan

      • Cool, I started a thing. So I guess I’ll do it here in the harsh light of day. Parentheses denote my initial impressions after Episode 1. Unlisted players denote me being very shallow.

        REMINDER: I’m basic.

        1. JP (2)
        2. Patrick (1)
        3. Cole (4)
        4. Devon (3)
        5. Alan (5)

      • Maritimer

        Since we’re doing this now:

        Cole (that smile is just incredible) > JP > Devon > Patrick > Alan >> Ryan > Ben >> Joe > Mike

        • Parvatis2Idols

          okay so for me it’s Patrick > JP > everyone else cole and devon look 100% alike and i don’t care about anyone else

          • Maritimer

            Cole and Devon? I’m with you on not really caring past that top 4 but I’m surprised you think those too look alike

          • Parvatis2Idols

            literally when i saw their cast photos i couldn’t tell the difference. and honestly whenever i see people write devon’s name i forget who he is lol

      • UseYourCommonSense

        Devon, Cole and JP are super hot.

      • indescribable hat

        This is surprisingly difficult. Devon > Cole > Patrick > Ryan > Alan > Joe > JP > Ben > Mike

      • Side Character

        JP, Cole, Alan, Ben, Devon, Patrick, Ryan, Mike.

    • Prom King

      Well I find him extremely funny, and that’s an attractive quality. So… yes?

    • Taako From Teevhii

      It a vacuum, I’d be all about him. But there’s extra textual stuff that stops me from going there.

    • My wife likes his red hair/light eyes combo. Not sure that she’d call him extremely attractive, though.

    • StormofCuteness

      When he hadn’t spoken and I didn’t think he was a total doofus, I thought he was super attractive. I have always had a thing for red heads.

    • Violina23

      I don’t find him attractive at all, but it might be the crazy.

      • Dezbot

        He has a good body, but his personality ruins it.

    • Dubious Rob

      Patrick isn’t my usual cup of tea, but last night I certainly noticed his impressively round…assets.

    • gouis

      Concur.

    • indescribable hat

      I see it.

  • Head Architect Sylvia

    The people over at r/survivor are going bananas like this was one of the best episodes ever but it didn’t really do it for me. I found it really predictable (like most people) and did not enjoy any of the characterisation, possibly just because I haven’t warmed up to anyone yet.

    I hated Ryan and Patrick even more after this episode and I think Lauren could be my favourite at the moment simply because she hates Patrick so much. Go Lauren! I guess Cole is slowly winning me over with that dreamy smile and I’d like to see where the Ben/Chrissy alliance goes.

    Simone was disappointing but I’m not exactly surprised. I had hoped she’d defy the pre-game opinions and become a really interesting character but.. well, she was just terrible at everything and literally had no strategy despite all of her talk.

    Comparing the cast to MvGX where I found everyone to be really chill and natural, I feel like this season is primarily focusing on a lot of people that are trying way too hard to hog screen time in an attempt to be memorable. Ryan/Patrick both going for that goofy charm is just coming off as so forced to me at the moment and I find them both insufferable. And Joe is definitely living up to the whole budget Tony thing which has me rolling my eyes a little too much as well. Do not enjoy that.

    I’m probably being a bit petty bit I’m going to complain anyway because I’ve been told this is what the Internet is for.

    • Ms. Sweaterfan

      Yeah, I was not that impressed by Simone. The one strategic move we saw her do (trying to egg Lauren on about Patrick) seemed so phony and forced that it made me cringe.

      As for the MvGX comparison, I think I actually probably like this new cast about the same as I liked that cast by this point in the season on average, though MvGX had higher highs and lower lows, cast-wise.
      Also, speaking of people playing for screen time – when I listened to Zeke’s long form RHAP interview he mentioned that he realized fairly early that he wasn’t going to win and so he started playing to be brought back. I know we speculate about that mindset all the time on this site, and in general I wouldn’t fault someone for being realist and a pragmatist, but it sort of bugged me that he would actually say that in an interview for fans. It also shed new light on the debate about whether or not his big moves were good strategy…

      • This is bonkers to me because after the Mari boot, he managed to course correct. Had he not targeted David/Hannah so early, he could have easily won.

        • Assistant Dragon Slayer

          I remember Zeke saying that too, but it struck me as a rationalization for why he didn’t win. However, it is an interesting idea–there’s only one winner, and winning is highly contingent on factors outside your control. On the other hand, I’d guess there are an average of three players per season asked back, and it’s up to you how much to play it up for the camera. It’s basically not rational to play a quiet LJ or Tyler type game: You probably won’t win (because the odds of winning are inherently low) and you definitely won’t be asked back.

          • Ms. Sweaterfan

            Super interesting take. And I suppose for a superfan who just loves playing, it would probably be worth it. But if you had a 1 in 20 chance of winning a million dollars vs. a 3 in 20 chance of coming back and losing again, shouldn’t you go for the million? (I realize this question is inherently flawed because I don’t believe that the odds are truly equal even at the very beginning of the game, but it’s still an interesting thought exercise).
            Zeke in particular seems like he is trying to use Survivor as a springboard for a career in entertainment, so maybe just the exposure is enough for him (and boy did he get some exposure).

        • Other Scott

          To be fair the problem was that David was starting to gather people to go after him as well, it makes sense to strike too early better than too late. I just think Adam and Hannah picked the side that he wasn’t expecting and it was too late to backtrack.

        • Maritimer

          I think his timing was right. As Other Scott says, I think he thought he would have Hannah/Adam and he certainly couldn’t expect Will’s “pay attention to me” flip. Timing was right and in other seasons, might have lead to a win. He wasn’t out of it until his torch was snuffed

          • purplerockandy

            Zeke’s big mistake was trusting Hannah. Who was his closest friend in the game. BIG MOVEZZZZZZZ

      • Head Architect Sylvia

        Ahh there were so many cringes from me this episode. Yeah I think Simone was trying to be really smooth but definitely was not pulling it off. All this negative stuff out of me makes me think I wasn’t in the best mood when watching this episode. Maybe it deserves a rewatch.

        Actually you’re right, I’m being a bit premature with my judgements. It’s only episode two so it’s not really that surprising I haven’t warmed up to anyone yet. Personally I think there are still slightly more characters I hate at this stage compared to MxGX though so I’m going to sort of stand by what I said, but I do realise I’m being a bit unfair overall and the characters need more time to develop.

        Oh wow, he said that? Yeah I definitely wouldn’t be keen on admitting that either. That bugs me a bit too, because it makes me question even all the emotional moments he had. I’m sure they were 100% genuine but now I can’t help but critique everything.

        I agree with Barbara though, it’s weird that he said he thought he wasn’t winning from an early stage, because I definitely thought he was playing to win. Maybe he just made that up as a cover as to why he lost. I haven’t listened to the interview so I don’t know.

        It could have been half a lie, he may have milked the “big moves” for the entertainment value but he probably also made most of them thinking they could potentially set him up to win the game.

        • Ms. Sweaterfan

          I started a rewatch of MvGX this summer and didn’t finish it, but yeah my memory is that Zeke was doing fine until mid-merge or so and probably could have gotten through it if he’d just put his head down and hustled a little more. It’s like he encountered some resistance and just wrote off the whole thing as doomed…such a millennial thing for the non-millennial-millennial to do, lol.

        • Other Scott

          I truly think Zeke is maybe the most underrated player by the general Survivor community.

      • Max_Jets

        He said that about MvGX? That’s…bizarre. I know I wasn’t out there, but that just doesn’t ring true from what we saw.

    • Roswulf

      I’m trying to come up with a heuristic that would make this “one of the best episodes ever.” Other than most recently aired. Or most shots of Cole.

      I have to assume they are DEEPLY invested in all of these players, and so the fact that we got to see a lot of them do a little bit played into all sorts of stories swirling in their heads. Since the only people I care about are Ali (yay, but not YAY!), Joe (BOO!) and Alan (*eats popcorn*) I did not have the same experience.

      It’s also possible I’m just tiring of the show I suppose..

      • Assistant Dragon Slayer

        You’re watching Australian Survivor too, right? I think it’s partly the whiplash of returning to Survivor episodes that are only 42 minutes long, particularly when there are 17-18 people’s stories to track. Everything seems so rushed.

      • Head Architect Sylvia

        Well I am exaggerating a bit but they were praising like EVERYTHING over there. Maybe not best ever but the consensus seemed to be that it was a really good episode.

        They mostly all seemed to love:
        – The pacing/balance of the episode
        – All the apparently incredible strategic / character moments
        – Patrick being goofy.
        – Lauren because she defied her pre-game press and she is actually semi entertaining. I laughed when I saw all the praise on Lauren for not being completely dull.
        – Ali because wow look at all those connections she’s making! Forming connections, much strategy! WINNER’S EDIT.
        – Chrissy because she’s an actuary/goddess/strategic mastermind.
        – Trendy spinning sign challenge.

        • Roswulf

          Honestly, I envy them their indiscriminate joy.

        • Max_Jets

          I guess I’ll join the Reddit consensus on this one.

          • Head Architect Sylvia

            Haha sorry, I hope I’m not insulting anyone over here, and I know I’m exaggerating. I personally just thought a lot of the praise was a bit much. Hopefully there will be an episode for me soon where everything just clicks and I’ll be on board for the rest of the season.

          • Max_Jets

            That’s alright! I think a lot of the praise is a bit of relief coming on the heels of a season that didn’t care much for fleshing out dynamics or setting up narratives, so to have an episode that does both of those is exciting and promising. There’s also a strong preference for camp life over there. I did find it to be a very enjoyable episode, even if there wasn’t anything particularly amazing about it.

          • Maritimer

            I get the praise, it was a good episode, but I agree with you that it seems to be getting a bit overhyped over there

    • purplerockandy

      Reddit going nuts for a by-the-numbers vote out of a physically weak player is peak reddit. ONLY THE REAL FANS CAN APPRECIATE THIS BRILLIANCE.

      • Max_Jets

        The vote out is like 10 minutes of the episode. The rest of the episode had a lot of fun scenes, explained tribe dynamics well (though Healers aren’t fully fleshed out), and showed a lot of promise for the season to come. People aren’t actually acting like it’s one of the greatest episodes ever, but a well edited episode bodes well for the rest of the season.

        • I actually agree that it was good from the perspective of getting to know the tribe dynamics that we never saw in the premiere. I don’t care that the boot wasn’t surprising- Simone getting voted out was probably never going to be surprising to me.

      • gouis

        It’s weird because they’re mostly all gambots but also seem to all be like “only real fans can appreciate early season survivor when we had REAL characters!’

      • Head Architect Sylvia

        Also a lot of votes for player of the week are apparently going towards Lauren because she was totally cast as a first boot and depicted as a boring person in all the pre-game press but she wasn’t first boot AND she’s actually occasionally entertaining! Do people on her tribe actually like her? Wow, great social skills! Go Lauren!

        • purplerockandy

          I might never read pre-season press again. My theories of what it does to people are bearing fruit.

  • Assistant Dragon Slayer

    I’m surprised Simone went out with such a whimper. On First One Out she really came across like a knockoff Corinne. That Simone would have been just awful, of course, but at least she wouldn’t have been boring. Either she was trolling Josh or the shock of the first week of island conditions just knocked her out.

    • Remember that she was trying to be fake and cause little dramas between everyone else.

  • Star Z

    Joe is officially not Tony. He is a lot dumber.

    • I’m encouraged by that, because I predicted that after Tony’s win we’d see a lot of people trying to replicate Tony’s game. I also predicted that they’d fail miserably and/or spectacularly, because Tony is better at Survivor than they are.

      • Assistant Dragon Slayer

        Another reason you should have watched Australian Survivor: Three Tonii, plus one more who blew up on the launch pad.

        • So it had…Tony! Toni! Toné!

      • Star Z

        I don’t know whether to think that he is going to be voted out early because he’s just dumb or because he’s trying so hard to become tony that he doesn’t follow his own good strategies. Or I could be completely wrong and Cole helps him stay in the game.

  • Dezbot

    Patrick is annoying and they should’ve voted him out for his bad jokes alone.

    >>8:34 man Jeff just mentioned Roark’s name at the challenge and that was the first time we have heard of her or seen her today isn’t it?<<

    Who or what is a "Roark"?

    😀

    • Kemper Boyd

      I don’t know but I irrationally hate her based on pregame love from the fan community (and her involvement with Corinne and Max)

      • Dezbot

        Corinne and Max? SHE IS DEFINITELY THE WORST.

        Also, I met a Survivor from Corinne’s season who said she’s an awful person in real life. I loathe Corinne.

        • Kemper Boyd

          You will got in here friend.

          She interned on the ATF podcast and Corinne helped her with her application video

          • Yet I feel like Corinne would hate her bio if it wasn’t someone she knew.

      • Max_Jets

        She was delightful on her ATF podcasts appearances! DELIGHTFUL!

        • Kemper Boyd

          No one is delightful on the ATF podcast

      • NearlyNina

        Ughhhhhh. I was super iffy on her preseason, but chose her for my pick-4 anyway since tough, smart, able to be one of the guys younger ladies are my jam. If I had known about this she might not have made it.

      • Prom King

        That’s really annoying to learn! I have no feelings about Max (other than he’s obviously a doofus) but I really loathe Corinne. I don’t want to dislike Roark because of this but it’s hard not to.

        She’s a social worker! How can a social worker be friends with someone like that. That’s one of the reasons I picked her for my pick-4, because it is a profession I admire. Also she just seemed nice, sporty, fun. The Corinne connection is really challenging me.

        Although now that I consider it, I can see a social worker who has become jaded and misanthropic after doing 30 years of social work being a good friend for Corinne. But that’s not Roark (yet).

        • Assistant Dragon Slayer

          I haven’t voluntarily exposed myself to Corinne since the Gabon rewatch, but I’ve always suspected that her awfulness is a bit of an act. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s mostly tolerable when she’s not speaking into a microphone. That would actually be worse, though, since why would you choose awfulness as your brand?

          • Prom King

            Exactly

            I’m sad to say I’ve been exposed to her precisely twice: I read her reddit AMA (ugh, whyyyy) and I listened for a very brief amount of time to one of her pre-season things because I thought I’d give her a second chance (and I was feeling a bit guilty at the mean question I posed to her on her ama)

            If she’s acting, then she’s really a phenomenal actress. She definitely has me believing in the role.

          • Kemper Boyd

            She performs. I think she’d be like this in any group where she’s trying to impress anyone. It’s awful.

        • UseYourCommonSense

          Meh, I like Max and Corinne and will occasionally tune in to their podcast.

          • Prom King

            I just don’t enjoy listening to people getting off by degrading other people, usually based on the shallowest of reasons. (Corinne not Max.) I’m on board with mocking people based on the foolishness of their actions or strategies – but based on who they are, or their pre-game press? Not interested in that kind of toxic bullshit. Corinne is a symbol to me of when human nature goes terribly, terribly wrong.

          • Violina23

            I didn’t remember Corinne being THAT bad, but then we had the Gabon rewatch…

          • Prom King

            She’s right near the bottom for me. Her tryhard mean girl shtick and her jury question for for Sugar and her “my gays” make her really stomach-churning to watch. Her only saving grace as a character is at least she received comeuppance in both of her seasons. Blindsided multiple times, yahoo schadenfreude! But still too repellent to actually enjoy, even as a villain.

          • Violina23

            I can roll my eyes at “try hard” villians, but she is deeply mean spirited human being. Gabon reminded me of that, and it was solidified by some of her tweets/retweets over the Zeke/Varner thing. I’m beyond done with her.

          • Max_Jets

            Yeah, I think Caramoan Corinne is pretty good.

        • Kemper Boyd

          I low key really hate Max. He’s really pompous and self congratulatory for someone who was pretty awful at the game. But I get the feeling that is what he’s like as a person not just about Survivor.

          • Prom King

            I haven’t experienced much of him outside of Survivor. On the show he was fun to sneer at. But at least he doesn’t come across as malicious.

  • Assistant Dragon Slayer

    It’s much, much too early to draw any conclusions, but it sure seems like everybody in this cast adheres to an existing Survivor archetype. Which is another way of saying that nobody seems like they’re going to be the kind of player we’ve never really seen before. It seems unlikely that there’s a Tony, Aubry, or Zeke in this cast. I think that’s what’s behind all of this comparing Joe to Tony, Ryan to Cochran, Lauren to LL Denise, etc.

    I would love to be wrong though–maybe Chrissy is the mom who can slit throats, or Roark is the female Tony, or Ben is the super-strategic good ol boy.

    • Max_Jets

      “maybe Chrissy is the mom who can slit throats” Dawn? (She’s clearly not Dawn though, so never mind)
      I think this episode proved us wrong about Lauren. She seems pretty cool and has a much better TV presence than LL Denise.

    • the sky is falling

      I don’t know if it’s a side effect of the show having been on so long or that we know it so well by now. So far I don’t see any breakaway personalities this time. There are some ok personalities, but no one who breaks the mold. There’s no Tony/Coach/Phillip/Tai/Russell/Malcolm/Cochran game changer types so far.

      • Max_Jets

        People start off most seasons thinking this though.

        • Kemper Boyd

          It takes time to decide who you like who you don’t. Natalie Anderson is one of my all time favs and it’s all because of her post merge.

  • By The Numbers

    Haven’t watched the episode yet, did Roark get any screentime?

    • Mike Hirsch

      She had an expletive deleted when the challenge ended, otherwise no, not really.

      • By The Numbers

        Fingers crossed this means she’ll be around a while

        • Kemper Boyd

          why? no snark. why are you invested in someone who hasn’t been on screen at all?

          • By The Numbers

            I don’t really like anyone this season and she was part of my 4 person team. I’m just unenthusiastic about this season personality wise – no one I’m invested in, and her saying nothing has allowed her not to bother me yet

          • Kemper Boyd

            Fair enough, I think fantasy is the only reason to care about boots this early in a newbie season unless you personally know them.

    • gouis

      Who?

  • Super duper fan

    I Iiked this episode! It wasn’t anything revolutionary, but I could definetely see this season going a bit of a MvGX tragectory where it gets better as it progresses (there are probably better examples, but that was what first came into my head). Some of my thoughts:

    – I’m defintely prefering women this season over men (more than usual that is). I’m definetely rooting for Ali and Chrissy at the moment, who both really impressed me this episode. But I don’t dislike anyone for now, but TBF I very rarely actively dislike someone on these shows.

    – A bit sad that Simone went home, but it wasn’t at all surprising.

    – Me trading off Ali for Simone is all according to That Kevin Martin master plan. I’m still coming for that crown bitches!

    And here are my updated Power Rankings:

    1. Chrissy (0)
    2. Ali (+2)
    3. Ben (-1)
    4. Ryan (-1)
    5. Cole (+1)
    6. Alan (+1)
    7. Mike (-2)
    8. Joe (0)
    9. Patrick (+1)
    10. Ashley (+1)
    11. Devon (-2)
    12. Lauren (+3)
    13. JP (0)
    14. Jessica (0)
    15. Roark (-3)
    16. Desi (0)

    Ashley Underwood, we’re forever grateful for what you’ve brought to the game. We are not worthy of the joy you bring us.

  • UseYourCommonSense

    I’m rooting for Ali, she seems like she has potential.

  • I’m so glad I woke up at midnight on Wednesday, realised Survivor was going to start in an hour and I hadn’t done my pick-4 yet, and panic-selected Patrick. (And Ben, and Roark, and a Homogenous Beefcake that turned out to be Devon).

  • Parvatis2Idols

    I really like Lauren. She’s giving me like strong and steady until the end kind of vibes. Also really like Ali