Because life is too short to watch all the clips CBS posts each week, I’m here to let you know which ones are worth your time (because apparently, my life is not too short). In addition, I’ll offer analysis of what these extra insights might mean for the game.
The things you don’t need to watch this week: zip lining is awesome and everyone wants to vote out Joe. In case you were wondering.
My New Found Partner
Mike talks about finding the hidden immunity idol, ol’ blue.
Analysis: You all need to give yourself over to the charms of Mike Holloway. I’m not sure what it is about fans of a certain ilk (i.e., the ones I interact with), but so many of them only assign “excitable fan” status to those they can identify with. Which is to say those who look like they might spend more time on the internet than they do in the gym, or in this case, a drilling platform. But Mike is just as adorably excited to be playing Survivor as is Shirin, he’s just not annoying everyone with it. Well, okay, maybe not AS excited, but definitely really, really excited. He also does another “really proud little boy” gesture to end the video again. It’s delightful. But beyond being adorable, Mike shows a fair amount of acumen in this video as well. He’s playing really well and having a good time doing so and if he ends up the winner, I think I’ll be good with it. Of note: he mentions specifically that this was the blue collar idol he found, not a re-hidden no collar idol. We’ll see if that means anything.
I’m Not Happy with Joe
Jenn discusses Joe’s reward challenge decision. There is swearing.
Analysis: One of the most common pieces of wisdom among people who have never played Survivor is that you don’t take your allies on reward because you need to use rewards to win allies. Can’t leave a bunch of others around camp to conspire against you! Your allies will understand! You know who isn’t so understanding about Joe’s choices? His ally Jenn. Intellectually, she knows what he’s doing taking the swing votes. But emotionally? NOT impressed that he took “fucking Shirin” over him and thinks it’s the worst move he’s made all game. So it’s instructive to remember that allies need tending too, since Joe might’ve gotten ALL the votes had he lost immunity this week. I mean, he had four choices to work with. There were ways of doing both. (It should be noted that the videos reveal this week that people were assuming Will was still part of their alliance – more on that later).
Also, when it’s all said and done, what do you think will be the cause of more blurrings: Jenn Brown’s mouth or Amanda Kimmel’s bikini bottoms?
Puzzles Aren’t My Thing
Tyler talks about Joe winning the immunity challenge and his voting plans for the future.
Analysis: Just so people don’t immediately start assigning puzzle acumen to Tyler because he’s yet to prove failure at them and he wears glasses, here’s the man himself saying that he’s not good at puzzles. Also of note, Tyler gets in the obligatory “we’re upset that we can’t vote out Joe” comment in, but after that talks about how getting out Joe’s cronies is just as good. So I don’t think he’s actually considering flipping to other side any time soon. Lots of “we” and “our seven” talk here.
I Blew It
Dan talks about his challenge performance.
Analysis: This video is one minute and seven seconds long, but you really only need to watch the first four seconds. On a loop. Do it now. You’ll feel great. Maybe someone should just make a Vine of it so we don’t accidentally watch the whole thing. If you need to fill the other two seconds, 0:40-0:42 should do it.
Hali is the first person in the jury house.
Analysis: If it features someone who is not awful, the Ponderosa scenes are always worth watching. First off, they’re edited and feature more than just people staring into a camera narrating the same three scenes (although, there’s portions of that too). Secondly, they offer nice glimpses of who these people are, especially those underfeatured in the edit. Thirdly, the parts of them seeing how much weight they’ve lost and what they look like in the mirror, while repetitive, are generally pretty fun (although less so this time, since Hali only lost about 6 pounds and still looks amazing). Fourthly, once it starts get populated, you can get a good read on the mood of the jury. So look for these videos to pop up in this column from here on out.
The most significant tidbit from this video is the knowledge that Hali has no idea that Will flipped on them (either time). She blames Shirin for flipping twice. As mentioned earlier, Joe also has a video where he puts Will in their alliance. So Will is doing some good things that the show is definitely not interested in showing us. And Shirin is still looking for her first possible jury vote (although there’s still time for that confusion to be cleared up, and I imagine it will).
If that’s not enough to get you to commit to a 7 minute video (which is an eternity in internet time), there’s plenty of footage (including a helicopter shot!) of Hali wearing various bikinis. Because Hali is the kind of girl who can’t decide which bikini she looks best in, so she packs them all.
Andy writes these and other things. He’s on Twitter: @andy_sayers.
Favourite seasons: Heroes vs Villains, Cook Islands, Palau, The Amazon, Cagayan
Favourite players: Boston Rob, Kim Spradlin, Tony Vlachos, Cirie Fields, Yul Kwon, Rob Cesternino