Ultimate Survivor Winners Bracket Champion – Survivor Goddess Kim Spradlin

Congratulations, everyone. We have settled once and for all upon the greatest Survivor winner of all time. There will no longer be any dispute: Survivor Goddess Kim Spradlin is our queen.

First of all, let’s acknowledge the path each of our finalists- Kim and Yul- took to get to the finals. Neither of them had a single creampuff on the schedule. Kim laid waste to Tyson, Mike, JT, and Tony. Yul vanquished Heidik, Todd, Parvati, and Hatch. Impressive runs for both of them. You may doubt their competition in the seasons they won, but they didn’t defeat any Bobs or Micheles or Fabios here.

But in the end, there can only be one. And it’s Kim, because of course it is. She’s not named Survivor Second-Goddess-In-Command Kim Spradlin- that would be ridiculous. Thanks to your votes, she shall remain Survivor Goddess Kim Spradlin until at least season 64, the next reasonable season for an Ultimate Survivor Winners Bracket.

I suppose it’s redundant to finish this post with praise and pics of Kim, but when have I ever allowed that to stop me?

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You may remember that Kim crushed One World like an NBA star dunking on a bunch of schoolchildren. And Kim’s very few detractors will point to the lack of competition as a reason to give lower value to her win.

Survivor Goddess Kim Spradlin, talking to one of her very few detractors (one that is also indicative of her lack of competition)

And look, I’m not going to claim that One World was populated with master strategists. Even the players they’ve brought back from One World were not brought back because they were good at Survivor– they came back because they were a garbage human, dating someone Survivor liked, married to someone Survivor liked, or because Survivor wanted to ignore America’s voting preferences.

But if you had to choose the players that could best be considered legitimate competition for Kim that season- rational competitors with a decent level of talent for making social connections- you’d probably say Sabrina or Chelsea stood the best chance against Kim, right?

They did. It didn’t matter.

You remember that bullshit Coach said in Tocantins about warrior alliances and taking the strongest competition to the end? Kim did that. Then she won.

And that, my friends, is how you become a Survivor goddess like Survivor Goddess Kim Spradlin, the Ultimate Survivor Winner.

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John

John is the co-host of the Purple Rock Survivor Podcast. He is still not sure if it was just a f*%king stick.

Favorite seasons: Heroes vs. Villains, Pearl Islands, Tocantins, Micronesia, Cagayan
John
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  • Super duper fan
  • Black Dynamite

    I hate my list. Ranking winners is an impossible task for me, the unofficial ranking aficionado of PRP. I’ve learned from this exercise that there are plenty of winning games I love for a variety of reasons. Everyone on this list deserves some level of praise for what they accomplished. Saying one is better than the other makes me very uncomfortable. I realized that well before I even attempted this list that there is way to set firm criteria for this. People have different paths and situations they have to navigate through. Not everyone can play the optimal idea of a game I manifested in my own head. There are factors beyond their control that feels cruel to mark points off on. The way I ended up with this list was writing down all the winners in chronological order then I numbered from 1-33 and just wrote the first name that came into my head at each spot. I did not make a single change when I was done. Just set and forget. Going by “feel or “instincts” probably isn’t the best way to do this but that’s because there isn’t a best way. Having an impossible system for this exercise is why I love this show so much. It’s fresh and unpredictable every season. So I’m thankful that I hate any winners list I would do. Also, I actually did take this list seriously enough to finish Thailand (the worst). I’ve finally seen every non reunion/recap episode of Survivor at least once.

    Best Winners (ignore these rankings)
    1. Kim (One World)
    2. Tom (Palau)
    3. Richard (Borneo)
    4. Jeremy (Cambodia)
    5. Denise (Philippines)
    6. Rob (Redemption Island)
    7. Tony (Cagayan)
    8. Yul (Cook Islands)
    9. Natalie (SJdS)
    10. Earl (Fiji)
    11. Sandra (HvV)
    12. JT (Tocantins)
    13. Todd (China)
    14. Badass Sophie (South Pacific)
    15. Brian (Thailand)
    16. Parvati (Micronesia)
    17. Tyson (BvW)
    18. Sandra (Pearl Islands)
    19. Tina (Australia)
    20. Cochran (Caramoan)
    21. Danni (Guatemala)
    22. Adam (Mills vs Gen-X)*
    23. Ethan (Africa)
    24. Chris (Vanuatu)
    25. Mike (World’s Apart)
    26. Aras (Panama)
    27. Vecepia (Marquesas)
    28. Amber (All Stars)
    29. Natalie (Samoa)
    30. Michele (Koah Rong)
    31. Fabio (Nicaragua)
    32. Jenna (Amazon)
    33. Bob (Gabon)

    *Apologies to Super duper fan for not having Adam in the top 20.

    • Super duper fan

      YOU BITCH! I WON’T FORGET THIS! IT’S UNTHINKABLE THAT YOU DID THIS!
      https://media.giphy.com/media/u4BN2jOtinCQ8/giphy.gif

      I couldn’t have said it better Adam. I couldn’t have said it any better.

    • Super duper fan

      But for real, it’s not a bad list at all. If I would do this kind of list, except MINOR details (mumbleAdammumble), my list would be similar (which I’ll never do cause I hate ranking winners.

      P.S. And I’m actually happy you put Adam this high, I didn’t think you would.

      https://68.media.tumblr.com/b2e7175200e64c4fd6295a6b1d12fec6/tumblr_nqddveHCJr1qhza9ho2_500.gif

      • Black Dynamite

        Looking at the list for the first time since making it, I want to make changes. The only people I feel confident with where they are would be Kim, Tom and Bob. The group from 3-12 can move around in any other. The same with 13-20, 21-26 and 27-32.

      • Out of curiosity, what would make you rank Adam higher?

        • Kemper Boyd

          Adam is quite low in my estimation. Id put him right above Michele. Natalie W had a plan and it worked

          • Maritimer

            I would argue that Adam also had a plan and it worked. It was basically the meat shield plan – keep bigger threats around and make sure to point them out. Then pick them off at the end, leaving yourself as the biggest fish in the Final 3. Its exactly what he did with Jay and more importantly David. He just had some social faux pas on the way

        • Super duper fan

          I don’t have any particular thing that I can point to, besides that I really liked his game. He voted right except two votes (Mari boot and Bret boot), three if you include the rock draw. He was behind (or at least partially) a lot of eliminations, which got him closer to the end goal (Figgy boot, Zeke boot, Will boot, Jay boot and David boot). He managed to get back to good graces a lot of people, which I don’t think is really easy (most notably with Jay).Used his reward advantage really smart and originally, thanks to which he got to the loved ones reward and was picked for another one later down in line. His first idol play I would call the “best” or at least one of the best unsuccessful idol plays, cause it guaranteed him that his target will no matter what go home. And last but not least: he had good enough relationships on the jury, which led to his unanonimous victory, after he convinced Hannah and Ken that they had a chance of ever beating him, that’s why they did every move to make sure that that’s their Final 3 (and let’s not forget that Rob beat Natalie and Phillip-people who are regarded as one of the biggest goats in Survivor history-still only 8-1, so unanonimous victory is harder than some people are saying). And cause I LOVE HIM, HE’S AWESOME, HE’S PERFECT, I LOVE HIM, HE’S AWESOME AND I LOVE HIM.

          P.S. The highest I would put Adam is 18th place, probably 19th or 20th, so I still wouldn’t put him in the top half cause there are a lot of other great winners (at least till he doesn’t win the 2nd time, which will happen trust me). But I do think he’s underrated, so I just wanted to put my opinion out there.

          • purplerockandy

            Liked for your passion and your defense. Likes need not be reserved for things I agree with.

            At all.

          • Super duper fan

            I’ll rememember that.

          • Roswulf

            I give Adam credit for creating an image whereby the entire jury gave him 100% credit for masterminding Ken’s flip. Adam didn’t actually make the moves that won him the game, but he told the story that made the jury want to believe he made those moves.

          • Super duper fan

            It definetely was also a part of his game (I do think that Adam had more to do with that move than what was shown, but got more credit for it than what he’d done in it).

          • I appreciate the justification. And 18th-20th is still higher than I would put him, but it’s also good to know that you aren’t suggesting he should be top 10 or something.

          • Super duper fan

            Oh, no, top 10-even 15- I feel would be too high. And I ABSOLUTELY get why he can be low in someone’s ranking, I don’t agree with it, but I get it (and maybe he would be in the place where BD put him if I thought about, but definetely not below 25th, let alone bottom 5).

    • gouis

      Love the “I hate my list. Actually who cares nothing matters” attitude. BD has stared into the abyss and seen life for what it is.

    • Super duper fan
      • Black Dynamite

        I appreciate that. It was not a fun experience.

  • Taako From Teevhii

    I thought Monica was brought back for being neat lady and Brad was just tagging along for BvW.

  • Mike Hirsch

    All glory to the Kim!!!

  • purplerockandy
  • PurpleTally

    I’m still mad Sandra didn’t make it past the first round, but this is the right winner, if nothing else.
    All hail the goddess!

  • VoicOff

    There’s a poll going on on cbs.com so you can compare your opinions with other, inferior ones
    http://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/news/1006807/survivor-bracket-heroes-vs-villains-/

    (I voted for Johny Fairplay over Rob Mariano, that’s how much i loath Rob Mariano)

    • Taako From Teevhii

      IN WHAT WORLD IS RODNEY LAVOIE ONE OF SURVIVOR’S BEST

      • VoicOff

        Bizarro World, but he is pitted against Tony so cbs seems to think that as well

      • They have Natalie Bolton so I’m good.

      • sharculese

        The world where he successfully cobbled together a post-merge alliance from a rocky pre-merge and probably would have won if someone didn’t go on a ridiculous immunity run.

        • Super duper fan

          I actually wouldn’t mind seeing him again. He had game, was a fun character or at least more fun than Dan and Will. I wouldn’t cry if he didn’t, but I wouldn’t if he did.

    • Super duper fan

      Damn, you beat me to it.

      But it got me wondering: does it mean that CBS plans to do REAL HvV2, or is it just not that important. There is also a lot of one-time players, which also didn’t play a long time, so it’s possible that they want to check how much fans want to see some of them back.

      (For those lazy:

      Heroes:
      Cirie, Tina, T-Bird, Stephenie, Kim, Denise, Michaela, Wentworth. Ozzy, Tom W., Rupert, Yul, Malcolm, Jeremy, Adam, Mike

      Villains:
      Parvati, Jerri, Natalie B, Sandra, Abi-Maria, Natalie A, Kass, Ciera, Rob M, Johny F, Rob C, Shane, Tony, Rodney, Tyson, Pete Y.)

      • Michaela is a Hero?

        • Black Dynamite

          She is in my​ heart

        • Max_Jets

          She kind of works as a hero in MvGX. We’ll see if that carries over to Game Changers. I think the opinion of Survivor Facebook page is a good way to decide – if someone is well liked there (like I think Michaela was) then they could probably be considered a hero (unless it’s Boston Rob)

        • Hero means good at challenges or rootable underdog. Villain means good at confessionals or strategy. (With a few exceptions.)

      • Maritimer

        There are some real randoms in there that one would think casuals may not remember like Nat, T’Bird, and Pete Y. One hopes this means they are at least on the radar for return, because I would love to see them all back

        • Super duper fan

          I seriously wouldn’t mind anyone from that ballot to come back (besides maybe Rupert and Ozzy).

      • sharculese

        There’s also the issue of whether some of these people want to play again.

        • Super duper fan

          Of course, people like Parvati, Bodton Rob and Jeremy said that they don’t want to play again, but you can’t tell me that there was a chance they would agree and CBS wouldn’t have brought them back.

      • DrVanNostrand

        Can people just quit it with fucking Ozzy already! What the fuck is wrong with people?

    • Prom King

      It really annoyed me that they put up Natalie Anderson against Abi Maria. I love them both but they have literally nothing in common.

      • VoicOff

        yeah, it’s pretty random and i had trouble choosing as well.

      • sharculese

        They both fly off the handle easily.

      • Denise vs. Kim angered me. And Rob C vs. Shane.

        • Prom King

          Denise vs. Kim was my hardest choice. Had to go with Denise because I just enjoyed her more, but I felt like I was lying!

    • forever1267

      i follow Nurse John from “Marguesas” on Twitter (he was hot, ya’ll), and he has been pushing himself and Neleh hard for returning to the game. He was a good, arrogant villian. She was… possibly still a child? (That was one of my favorite seasons, so I am biased.)

      • sharculese

        Nurse John has a very… strained relationship with CBS, which seems to be affecting the possibility he’ll get another chance.

        • forever1267

          Yes, I’ve sensed that in some of his tweets. Too bad. I found him entertaining on that season. His comeuppance was very satisfying.

          • sharculese

            The story is that, after Marquesas, John set up some independent charity events where he used the Survivor logo without permission. CBS and Castaway hit him with a cease and desist, and he stopped, but it appears to have permanently soured them on him.

  • forever1267

    We’ve had almost every single demographic “type” win Survivor, except for a lesbian, correct? That’s the only “type” left?

    • purplerockandy

      Hispanic male. Actually old woman (rather than a 39 year old Tina or a 41 year old Denise that they call “old”).