Andy:

Welcome everyone to this year’s edition of “John Guesses the Premises of the 2026 Best Picture Oscar Nominees”, a game that’s exactly what it says on the tin. For those that don’t know, John does not follow movie news at all and thus every year we take the Oscar nominees for Best Picture (this year there are 10) and see if John can guess what they are about going off of the title (and possibly any memory of anything that crossed his path over the year… but mostly just the title).

For those of you playing along on our sponsor DumBets, the over/under line for this year is 3.25 (note: half points are awarded).

John, inquiring minds want to know: did you watch any movies this year?

John:

It was a big year for movies in my house because I introduced my kids to some of my favorite dumb comedies. We did the top three Will Ferrell movies and Monty Python, so I basically got all of classic cinema covered. I don’t think(?) I saw any actual new movies this year, though.

The only thing stronger than my love for cinema is my memory, so who can be sure?

Emma:

And of course, by “this year” you both mean 2025.

Andy:

I’d accept anything from the past few weeks.

Brad:

If John suddenly started watching movies in 2026, I’d be flabbergasted.

Matt:

A contest between John’s memory and his moving watching capability is like when the stoppable force meets the movable object.

John:

Yes. Also, I’m already discouraged that we’re setting the line at 3.25. Were there that many movies you think made it into my bubble?

Brad:

We can’t respond to that, John.

Matt:

John, I have complete faith in your ability to hit the under.

Andy:

Brad, do you want to brag about your movie watching this year?

Brad:

I watched over forty movies in theaters, and I watched multiple films at home. While I have seen all Best Picture nominees in past years, this is the first year where I have watched all of the Best Picture nominees before the actual announcement of the nominees. I feel confident that I can get all of the acting noms again, but this might be the first year where I watch every nominated film outside of the docs and shorts (need to keep the goals attainable).

I want to proselytize about AMC A-List, but I sense that this is not a good time for that.

Andy:

Anyone else want to pick their over/under?

Emma:

I’ll pick the under.

Brad:

Under.

Matt:

Yeah, if it wasn’t clear, I am slamming the under.

Brad:

So, 3.25 is a bad line.

John:

No pushes possible!

Matt:

Handicapping John is very tricky; I give Andy the benefit of the doubt.

Andy:

Before we get started, one thing we should note is that this year’s edition might be a big mess as we’re trying to squeeze it in while John is busy travelling, so we have no idea how it will go. But it’s possible that our history of shoddy content-making will make this blend right in with our average output.

I’ll let John get warmed up:

Frankenstein

John:

They made a Frankenstein movie?! This past year? I genuinely had no idea.

Matt:

Gonna need a little more than that…

John:

Fortunately, I am aware through internet discourse and general existence that this is the story of a mad scientist named Dr. Frankenstein (though I’m not certain he graduated from an accredited school to call himself a medical doctor) who decides to bring life to a monster. The monster’s name, of course, is Frankenstein…’s monster. And the villagers? They are unhappy at the existence of this monster.

They form an orderly mob and attack Dr. Frankenstein and his monster.

Matt:

I think he pushed past the sell here guys…

Brad:

I agree with Matt.

Andy:

1 point.

Brad:

Now hold on…

John:

You fuckers get so pedantic.

Matt:

No, it’s fine.

Emma:

I both agree he pushed past the sell and can’t in good conscience not give him a point. We have to be realistic.

Andy:

1 point

Matt:

Anyway, from the visionary director of the fish-fucker movie, comes the latest adaptation of Frankenstein, based on the novel Frankenstein. There is no mob though, that is not in the novel, and this is a pretty faithful adaptation.

John:

It would be amazing if they included some fish-fucking as an Easter egg. For the fans.

Matt:

Now John, I know how you think and hearing that this is from the same guy who did the fish-fucker movie, I am sure you are now wondering, “Does Frankenstein fuck?”

John:

Obviously.

Matt:

To which I say: first of all, Frankenstein is the Doctor not the creature, second, no, the creature doesn’t fuck, neither does the doctor (to his great regret), but the doctor’s brother who is also named Frankenstein presumably does.

Andy:

Frankenstein IS the name of the monster, however.
Because the true monster is Dr Frankenstein.

Matt:

And now we have wrapped this bit up, take a bow everyone.

John:

The internet is so proud of us.

Brad:

Our unemployed commenters with English degrees are loving this.

Andy:

Now that John has warmed up…

Sentimental Value

John:

Sentimental Value is a period piece romance. It is about a young math prodigy who is doing ground-breaking equations back in the old-timey math days. He meets a love interest (and I’m going to hedge and not pick a gender for this love interest) and has to decide between sacrificing his promising math career (lol) to marry his love interest or leave to some other place (let’s say Oxford) and become a renowned math genius that Brad gets to be excited about in the future.

In the end, he chooses math.

And when he does? He receives some letter from his love interest after they die, including a stolen copy of an equation he’d once written. He doesn’t publish it, because it has so much personal meaning to him. As math does.

Emma:

So many times that I thought he was done, and then he wasn’t.

Andy:  

I’d watch that movie. Theoretically.

Has nothing to do with the movie that was made, but still.

Emma:

No points.

Mark:

But would our resident math guy watch that?

Brad:

What John doesn’t know is that period pieces about mathematicians are more often about racism and white hegemonic structures, insisting that brown people can’t do math.

Emma:

Are there a notable amount of period pieces about mathematicians?

Brad:

And I do include Stand and Deliver in this.

John:

You know what else period pieces about mathematicians are? Dreadfully boring.

Emma:

Amen, John.

Brad:

Hey, I don’t watch many of those films.

Emma:

Anyway, Sentimental Value is a Norwegian film about a director who, following his divorce, makes a personal film and wants his daughters to star in it. One daughter refuses, so he hires a famous American actress instead. Presumably, angst ensues.

Emma:

Oh wait, I think the divorce was much earlier. I was relying on Wikipedia. But the point stands that there are no points.

Brad:

I will confirm that the divorce occurs much earlier, and I agree with “no points.”

John:

It would be so much more amazing if the film he directed was one where a woman fucks a fish monster, and that’s why his daughter wouldn’t do it.

I just realized that it’s “a personal film”, which would make it even funnier if it was fucking the fish monster. His opus!

Andy:

I read back last year’s post, which one commenter* described as “the filthiest post on the site”. I wonder if this year will eclipse that. The Shape of Water really changed things.

*Editor’s note: Hi Barbara!

Next up:

Train Dreams

John:

Well, if we’re going in the direction of filth…

Brad:

Oh my…

Emma:

JOHN, NO.

Matt:

Shut it down!

John:

Who hasn’t had a good train dream at some point?

Train Dreams is the story of a young autistic boy (who probably got that way from Tylenol, is what I’m hearing), back before the days when they diagnosed autistic spectrum disorders. He’s sent to a mental institution, where he spends his life trapped in a facility that has but one window on an upstairs floor that allows him to see a train in the distance. He reads every book he can about trains, spouting off facts about them and enraging the staff that want him to be “normal.” Eventually, the facility is shut down after years of terrible abuses are uncovered, and as an old man he finally gets to take a ride on the train he spent years watching from that window.

Brad:

I think the only thing that is correct in this is that the film takes place before ASD was diagnosed.

Robert is making a living working for a railroad construction company in the early 20th century. Every time he leaves home, his wife Gladys tells him not to go, it’s too dangerous, there are other ways to make money. Robert knows this as he watches his fellow workers die on while on the job. But this is what Robert is good at, and it feeds the family, even though both Robert and Gladys are convinced that he’ll die on the job and leave Gladys a widow and a single mother. But what might happen to Gladys when Robert is away?*

*Editor’s note: original description was deemed a little spoilery, which may color the below responses.

John:

Wow, that’s fucking grim.

Matt:

How was John’s made-up movie happier than the reality?

John:

I bet people leave that theater wishing they’d seen the autistic boy get to ride a train.

Matt:

Autistic old man, I think you mean.

John:

Thank you for correcting me on the plot of my own movie. But yes, autistic old man.

Brad:

I think you can see older men in a train, you just have to search for the right thing.

John:

We’re really gunning for that filthiest post title. I love it.

Andy:

Next up:

F1

John:

Didn’t they already make this movie? Like really recently?

I mean, besides 2025 apparently.

Unless they made a movie about the function keys on your computer, I can only assume this is about the racing league. I can’t imagine the plot is “Here’s a bunch of cars racing,” so I’m going to guess it’s about the founding of it and how they got to their first race. Some boring ass inside baseball. Like Moneyball, but with VROOMs.

Mark:

Do we give him partial credit?

Emma:

Half point?

Brad:

Sure, half point.

Andy:

Yeah, that’s a half point. The live betting is now pushing the under lower.

John:

“We can’t make a Ferrari, but we can build it in the aggregate.”

Brad:

What I’m getting from this is that John DID hear about the F1 movie, he just placed it in the wrong year.

Emma:

It is funny that he compared it to another Brad Pitt sports movie though.

Brad:

Oh wow, yeah.

John:

There was some car racing movie recently!

Andy:

No, he’s thinking of Gran Turismo.

John:

Did that one get nominated?

Mark:

Not since Game of the Year 2001.

Brad:

Or just Ford vs. Ferrari.

John:

Oh! Maybe that.

Emma:

Oh yeah, that’s probably it. Good call, Brad.

Andy:

Yeah, it’s actually more likely he heard of that from a previous Oscar game.

John:

The Academy’s interests: fast cars, movies about art, war movies, and fish fucking.

Mark:

Anyways… this only covers one of those. F1 tells the story of a retired F1 race car driver who comes out of retirement to help his friend’s team. He clashes with the team’s young hotshot, but throughout the season, they learn a thing or two about teamwork.

The retiree is Brad Pitt, famed old man.

John:

Like Cars, but if people?

So, they were like “Let’s cast a handsome old man, but put him in a helmet for the whole movie”? Money well spent.

Mark:

Just like The Mandalorian

Andy:

Much like Iron Man, they find many a reason to keep him out of the helmet.

Next up,

The Secret Agent

John:

This is either an incredibly on-the-nose title or it’s this year’s fucking insane movie.

Or! Por qué no los dos! I have an idea.

A struggling publisher is quickly running out of money and needs to find a big hit to keep her company afloat and pay for an expensive medical treatment for a family member. While browsing online one day, she stumbles upon the insane ramblings of a person who claims that the universe vibrates, and that if you vibrate at the same frequency as the universe, it will give you whatever you want. The publisher reaches out to that insane person, who turns the online drivel into a book called The Secret. The Secret becomes a huge hit and Oprah loves it, and the publisher becomes the insane person’s agent and cashes in.

Brad:

No.

Marcelo is on the run. But from what? We are not sure at the outset, but his father-in-law is sure to tell him that he should not have come when Marcelo tries to see his son. About halfway through the film, we find out why Armando has taken on the alias of Marcelo and whether he can flee Brazil with his son before the hitmen find them. (This synopsis plus the title makes this sound like a Bourne movie; this film is very much unlike a Bourne movie)

Mark:

They already made a Secret film adaptation years ago.

Andy:

I gotta give it to you though, John’s was very creative. Points for that. But, you know, metaphorical points.

John:

Sorry I’m not plugged into The Secret zeitgeist, Mark.

Brad:

This one was tough though; I have no idea how John could’ve hit the post on this one.

John:

Once again, I’d rather see my movie.

Andy:

That’s a lie.

John:

Ok, but in a situation where I had to see one.

Andy:

Next movie:

Bugonia

John:

I think the plant is spelled Begonia, so this is an intentional spelling. Ergo, it’s related to bugs somehow.

Matt:

Go on.

John:

A team of software engineers at Microsoft in 1996 are hard at work programming the next iteration of Windows, Win 97. The constant job pressures and their high salaries lead to them blowing insane amounts of money on wild parties and copious amounts of drugs, further impairing their ability to code a stable release. Eventually, a livid Bill Gates screams at them and tells them they’re releasing the product no Matter how finished it is. They release Windows 97, and everyone fucking hates it. The engineers get fired and go out on one final cocaine bender.

And the software is buggy. So internally, they call it Bugonia.

Emma:

Definitely no points.

Brad:

Now THIS is the John-written plot that I want to see.

Andy:

I like to think that if they made a movie about Windows, LinkedIn John would’ve heard all about it.

John:

And here’s what it taught me about B2B sales…

Emma:

A downtrodden conspiracy theorist and his cousin kidnap a high-powered female CEO because they suspect she’s part of an alien race infiltrating Earth.

John:

So, this is basically just the Lizard People conspiracy?

Matt:

Yes.

John:

Cool. Glad we could platform that shit.

Andy:

I would’ve given you full points if you somehow would’ve pulled that out of your ass.

Brad:

To be fair to John, I’m pretty sure they never say the title in the film.

Completely unrelated to the plot.

Andy:

You know, we started this game because it was amusing to us that a guy we met via a pop culture website was this out of touch on movies. But I gotta say, as of yesterday, I wouldn’t have done any better on Bugonia, The Secret Agent, or Sentimental Value. Does this say more about me or the industry?

John:

One of me! One of me!

Emma:

You. I’ve seen one of those three but know about them all.

Mark:

It’s a weird year for Best Picture. I’m learning about half of these today.

Matt:

The only one I didn’t know anything about entering today was Train Dreams.

Andy:

Oh yeah, you can add that to the pile.
Let’s let the readers weigh in. For once, I think that they’ll be on my side.

John:

Train Dreams should be the name of a Heated Rivalry episode next season.

Andy:

Next up…

Hamnet

John:

A former military engineer retires and becomes one of those ham radio weirdos. When a global catastrophe occurs, somehow ham radio is the only functioning method of long-distance communication. He and an army of dorks around the world put their otherwise useless hobby to work to help coordinate efforts to save lives and rebuild society all around the world. They are: The Hamnet.

Emma:

Oh no…

Matt:

No points.

Brad:

And we were debating whether he needed to mention the wife.

Matt:

You were debating that; I was confident he wouldn’t even get to the initial step.

John:

Matt gets me.

Matt:

John, have you ever heard of the mildly famous play Hamlet?

John:

Oh yeah, by the one-hit wonder of the 1500s?

Matt:

Yeah, that guy. So, this is the story behind the writing of that play, and how Shakespeare and his wife grieve the death of their son, Hamnet.

John: 

The kid’s name was actually Hamnet?

Matt:

Yes. Just like his wife was actually named Anne Hathaway.

Emma:

Except in the movie, she’s Agnes? People seemed to play it fast and loose with names back then.

John:

Once again, should have stuck with Andy’s idea of how they love movies about art.

Or movies where kids are friends with imaginary Hitler.

Brad:

Or fucking fish!
Can’t forget about the fish fucking.

John:

I would never.

Emma:

He never will.

Andy:

This is why I’m the point arbiter/moderator, btw. Brad’s worried that a $30 million dollar period drama will be too easy for John to guess and thus wants specifics, while I remember that he’s the guy who was all “wait, they’re making a Batman/Superman movie?” one week before it came out.

Brad:

My stipulations were not about ease. It’s about accuracy. The plot centers around Agnes.

John:

If I had gotten the name Shakespeare at all, that should be a point. But, you know, I didn’t.

Andy:

IT’S ABOUT TRUTH IN PLOT GUESSING!

John:

#Hamnetgate

Andy:

Let’s try another…

Marty Supreme

John:

Ok, this has to be the weird one.

A lonely computer nerd (who looks like Mark Zuckerberg and is Mark Zuckerberg but we’re pretending he’s not Mark Zuckerberg) is deeply depressed by how no one respects him and he’s unable to find love. He ends up building an entire virtual reality/online world in which every character thinks he’s amazing and treats him as though he’s the coolest person they’ve ever met. He also makes a virtual reality girlfriend for himself, and still somehow ends up making her dump him.

Brad:

Unfortunately, my guess for John’s guess was as wrong as John’s guess about this film. (My guess was “A coming-of-age story about a Taco Bell cashier named Marty.”)

Marty Mouser is a shoe salesclerk with a dream: he wants to win the World Championship of Table Tennis in Japan. But he needs money to travel to England for the British Open to qualify for the World Championship, he needs money to pay off his fines after he cons the organizing committee at the British Open, he needs money to pay for the travel to Japan. Marty goes through a series of escapades to get the money and to try to defeat his rival Koto Endo. The central theme of the story: white boys would do ANYTHING to go to Japan.

And unrelated to the plot, but if anyone hasn’t seen this film yet, you will see Penn Jillette’s name in the opening credits, forget that you saw Penn Jillette’s name in the opening credits, and then finish the film and go “WAIT, where was Penn Jillette?”

Immediate follow-up question because we have side bets on this: Which actor stars in the titular role of Marty Supreme?

John:

Marty Supreme is played by Timothée.

Brad:

I KNEW HE KNEW.

John:

I’m right?!?!

Brad:

I never doubted you for a second, John.

Emma:

Dammit.

Brad:

We had two more follow-ups if you missed that one.

John:

I just guessed! Give me my fucking point!

Andy:

He didn’t know. He guessed one of the three actors he knows.

John:

Ok, but it was the correct one of the three, Andy.

Matt:

Also, John’s description is really close to that HBO Max show Made for Love.

Emma:

Oh damn, you’re right.

Mark:

That was a great show. RIP.

Andy:

Okay, after a brief one-week break, let’s finish this game off. Next movie:

One Battle After Another

John:

Oh, this has Leo DiCaprio, I think? I feel like I saw a commercial for this one.

Naturally, I can’t remember the commercial. But I feel like there were actual battles or physical fights taking place, so it’s a straightforward title.

Wait, is this the one directed by Scorsese? Or was that a different one? Shit! I feel like I could get this one.

Andy:

This is intense for people who took the over.

Matt:

I can hear the wheels turning from here.

Emma:

The tension is killing me.

John:

This is the story of a guy who is trying to free a woman from a dangerous situation— let’s say human trafficking. And in doing so, he’s constantly dragged into fights by people who want to traffic her again and are trying to prevent him from helping her escape. It stars Leo DiCaprio punching people, and I feel like this wasn’t the one directed by Scorsese— that one was something about Native Americans.

Andy:

Well shit, I… don’t know how to score this one? I might need feedback?
I’m thinking half a point?

Emma:

I think half a point for the Leo of it all.

Matt:

I think this is pretty close honestly!

Mark:

Half point. Mostly because he remembered Killers of the Flower Moon.

John:

Leo DiCaprio punching people felt like a pretty big plot point in my memory.

Emma:

John’s lucking out that Brad isn’t here right now.

Matt:

He is trying to free a woman, he does get into battles, he doesn’t punch people… I think I would give a full point.

Emma:

She’s a girl, not a woman!

Andy:

I am leaning closer to maybe a full point. Leo DiCaprio fights a series of battles trying to free a female from her captors. For this game… that’s pretty close.

Mark:

There’s more layers to it though. 3/4 point?

Andy:

We don’t do that, Mark.

John:

Look at Mark, being a Brad.

Mark:

Someone has to be the Brad.

Emma:

I feel like the battles and the freeing are pretty separate though?

Matt:

The battles and freeing are separate but in service to each other. I feel like sometimes we want John to fail so much, that we do not give him credit when he is close.

Mark:

Fair point.

Emma:

I am proud of him for eventually figuring out Killers of the Flower Moon was different.

John:

It did take me a while though.

Matt:

Yeah, that was huge. Let’s give him the point.

Andy:

Yeah, fuck it. It’ll be more fun heading into the final question if he gets a full point here. Matt, want to explain how close he got?

Matt:

Ok, so One Battle After Another is a movie largely about Leo, who is an ex-revolutionary, trying to rescue his daughter from the white supremacists he was revolting against in the first part of the movie. Sean Penn plays a white supremacist looking for the daughter because he suspects that Leo’s daughter is actually his daughter and needs to erase the evidence of his having a child with a Black woman so he can join an exclusive group of white supremacists called the Christmas Adventurers.

Honestly, typing this out, I feel like I left a lot out, but it’s a weird movie and a lot happens.

John:

Christmas Adventurers is way too jolly a name for fucking white supremacists.

Emma:

You don’t even know.

Matt:

That is kinda the point.

Emma:

It’s so fucking funny.

John:

That’s some Home Alone-ass “Wet Bandits” naming/marketing.

Matt:

Also, the movie opens with Leo and his band freeing immigrants from essentially ICE captivity, so the movie is explicitly “fuck ICE.”

Editor’s note: Fuck ICE!!!

Emma:

I do think that’s why it will ultimately win despite the recent trend of frontrunners losing steam by the Oscars.

John:

Ooh, timely. I figured this was a year too early for the Fuck ICE movies.

Emma:

Not if you’re a real one.

Matt:

Also, Brad insisted we mention that Sean Penn doesn’t just like Black women, he LOVES Black women.

John:

Same, Sean Penn. Same.

Emma:

Oh, and for the record, because you mentioned Scorsese, this is a Paul Thomas Anderson film.

John:

I’ve heard that name.

Emma:

Boogie Nights, There Will Be Blood, long-term partnered with Maya Rudolph.

John:

But he’s not the weird aesthetic guy. That’s a different one.

Emma:

Sure.

Andy:

Wes Anderson.

John:

Wes Anderson?

Look at me!

Editor’s note: incredibly tempting to leave the time stamps here; Andy and John’s messages were simultaneous.

Emma:

No bonus points!

Matt:

Oh my god. I had no idea who you meant by weird aesthetic, and now I’m dying.

John:

Give me the last movie so I can blow up the over.

Andy:

Alright, heading into the final movie, John has 2.5 points. The O/U was set at 3.25. The stakes are high!
Final movie:

Sinners

John:

Oh!

Emma:

Terrible sign for those of us who took the under.

John:

Ok, this is going to be tense. Because I definitely am aware this exists.

Matt:

I am glad Andy saved these two movies for last.

John:

It stars hot Black people. Michael B. Jordan is in it. And for some reason, I’ve already forgotten others even though it’s been like 10 seconds since I wrote the sentence about hot actors.

I feel like cowboy hats are involved for some reason?

This might be directed by the Key and Peele guy?

No! Black Panther guy?

It’s directed by a guy for sure.

Andy:

For the record, no points for assuming the Academy nominated a film directed by a guy.

John:

Ok, Sinners is a movie directed by Black Panther guy. It stars Michael B. Jordan in a cowboy hat, which makes me think it would be Western-adjacent? So, let’s say that MBJ and a group of other sexy people are living in a frontier town that gets a new white sheriff who wants to crack down on the largely Black population. And MBJ and the Sexy Posse manage to evade him and eventually kill him in some kind of self-defense situation.

Emma:

I say a half point for Michael B. Jordan and “Black Panther guy” but nothing for the plot.

Matt:

Agree on half point, needed some key words in there and they were all missing.

Andy:

The under is secured.

John:

Is there a cowboy hat?

Emma:

No.

John:

Why is he wearing a cowboy hat in my head canon? What a weird detail for my brain to invent.

Andy:

There’s a wide-brim hat, but it’s not a Stetson.

Editor’s note: That’s my man.

John:

Ah, shit. I was wondering why it would have been a Western. If I had that hat in my head, the plot guess would have been very different.

Matt:

Should Emma explain the actual plot?

Emma:

Why do you think I’ve been typing for minutes?

John:

Just writing an ode to MBJ nude scenes, I’m assuming.

Emma:

Written and directed by Ryan Coogler (“Black Panther guy,” but also Creed guy, Fruitvale Station guy… John hasn’t heard of Fruitvale Station, what am I doing?), Sinners stars his muse and love of my life Michael B. Jordan as twins who return to their Mississippi hometown to open up a juke joint. An Irish vampire is drawn to them by their little cousin’s blues playing and vampire-based violence ensues. Tragically, no MBJ nude scenes—I don’t think even any shirtless scenes! And that’s why the Heated Rivalry boys are taking my attention instead.

John:

I do need confirmation that there are other sexy people in this as well. Because that is also a thing I was confident about.

Emma:

Well, how do you feel about Delroy Lindo?

Matt:

Oh yes, many sexy people.

John:

I was never going to get to Irish vampires.

Emma:

We would have accepted vampires of any flavor, I think. But you really had to mention vampires.

Matt:

Yeah, vampires was a must.

John:

If only the sin in the title had been lust, am I right?

Emma:

I mean, not not.

Vampires, famously never lustful.

John:

Energy vampires aren’t lustful. That’s canon.

Emma:

Aw, I miss Colin Robinson.

Andy:

And that is the game! John finished with 3 points, proving once again that my line-setting skills are unmatched.

Emma:

Bravo, Andy. You’re the real hero.

John:

Yeah, well done on that. It was a close one!

Andy:

I thought he’d get full points for F1.

Emma:

Did he not? I can’t even remember anymore.

Matt:

I criticized the line, but would have set it at 2.75

John:

I just want them to make my Windows 98 movie.

Matt:

I am honestly just amazed you didn’t guess that any movies were about World War II.

John:

Only like 65% of Americans believe that Nazis were the bad guys at this point, so you can’t make those anymore.

Hopefully, next year we can get back to the basics of fish fucking and imaginary Hitlers.