Every week, we focus on the varsity team fighting for my love. But this week we’ll throw at least a little love towards the junior varsity team. (Don’t worry, these previous Max and Shirin fight for my love posts are nearly junior varsity-free.)
On the episode:
Shirin is screwed, numbers-wise. It’s just basic math, as we learned last week. But a weird thing sometimes happens with basic math on Survivor, where one week 7 > 3, but the next week 3 + 2 > 4. And Shirin is all about that number two (there’s gotta be a better way to say that).
Speaking of the number two, there are two people that occupy the second tier of my heart this season (That’s how hearts work, right? In tiers? That’s what I wrote on my MCATs at least. Somehow I never heard back from any schools I applied to, though…Anyway, I’m digressing). Mike and Jenn are both wonderful people- well, Mike is anyway- and in any other season they might be my favorites. And their stock rose this week because of two major post-merge firsts:
1. Someone was referred to as Shirin’s friend (Jenn).
2. Someone listened to Shirin’s alliance proposal and responded by asking her which player she would like to target (Mike).
Shirin makes the pitch to Mike that she’s now effectively powerless and is looking to latch onto another group that needs numbers. Mike’s only demand is that she take Joe out as proof of her loyalty. Done! This also guarantees that Shirin will be able to keep around her Ponderosa-craving friend Jenn. Shirin is now in the driver’s seat passenger seat backseat? passenger seat, backseat driving.
As promised, Shirin takes out Joey Amazing at tribal council, and it looks like we might be headed into a delightful stage of the game where Shirin can take revenge upon the Wet Blankets and Dan, her biggest enemies this sea-
Wait. What the fuck?!
Oh yes, Will. It most certainly is.
This week on Twitter:
Remember that lightning round thing last week? That was so fun, let’s do another one. And definitely not because I was too busy to write much this week.
I will not explain to you all the beauty that is in this very brief exchange, but the ongoing Max-Mike #dirty30 conversations on Twitter are my jam. They are not, however, Jenn’s.
Shirin isn’t going to be left out of the #dirty30 game, with a tweet that simultaneously mocks both Sophie and her own castmates.
If you follow CBS’ official Survivor account on Twitter, you know that it is a fucking grammatical abomination with a complete disregard for the English language. I am convinced that its sole intent is to drive me fucking insane.
Wow, as quick as Shirin was to piss all over her castmates last week, she’s just as quick to shit all over them this week. (For those who don’t get it, she’s taking a shot at a long-forgotten member of White Collar who once diagnosed her as a sociopath.)
The tickets Max is referring to? Tickets to the Survivor finale/reunion. Max jokingly suggested that he didn’t have friends or family that he felt deserved his tickets. He soon got many solicitations for them. This was his chosen method of putting a stop to those requests. It should not surprise you that it was extremely successful in doing so.
For the record, Shirin’s favorite seasons are numbers 1, 3, and 4 on our season ranking list. You do see why I love these two, right? I actually just finished up re-watching Pearl Islands. And funny I should mention Pearl Islands, because:
If you aren’t getting either Savage reference, I’m not even going to explain them to you. I’m just going to sit here and feel bad for you.
At this point, I’d probably give Max a slight social media lead for the week. But Max stepped the game up:
So much happening here: Max trying to make me jealous (and succeeding), Emma getting an offer to have drinks with Max (which she accepted- more on that next week), and I played long-distance wingman for Emma in an attempt to hook her up with Cochran. This was easily one of the top five most enjoyable things I’ve ever done on Twitter (I think the top three might be following Max, Shirin, and Jenn).
Speaking of getting drinks, Twitter also led me to this amazing video of a very drunk Shirin giving advice to girls everywhere. I may have watched this video approximately 20 times in a row. I may also be in love.
The only other video I think I’ve watched that many times consecutively is this one:
Final verdict: Can I possibly allow Drunk Shirin to lose this week? The answer is yes, although it’s extremely close. Max + Emma + drinks + jealousy = win.
John is the co-host of the Purple Rock Survivor Podcast. He can get loud too, what the fuck!
Favorite seasons: Heroes vs. Villains, Cagayan, Pearl Islands, Tocantins, Cambodia