Judging the Coolness of Past Survivor Pretty People Alliances

It seems like it happens every season: a group of young, hot castaways form a clique despite being the minority. Sometimes they find a way to run the game anyway, other times the outsiders band together.

We’re all nerds here (except Andy, or so he claims), so we have a rough idea about which of these alliances were the most successful and which ones crashed and burned like Mike Skupin. But there’s a more important question, one that has no easy answer: Which alliance of pretty people was the coolest? I did some investigating and found results that are 100% objective and indisputable.

Malakal Couples Alliance

micronesia-parvati-james-ozzy-amanda-malakal couples alliance
Amanda: Hooked up with the popular guy, +50; Beauty queen, +30
Ozzy: Jock, +40; Declared love in front of an audience, -25
Parvati: Sabotaged best friend’s relationship, +80; Ditched popular friends for outsiders, -100
James: Tall, +30; Against girl power +15
Total: 120

Cool Kids Alliance

survivor-caramoan-eddie-reynold-allie-hope-cool kids table
Reynold: Great at throwing things, +75; Ironic mustache -40
Allie: Douchebro negged her on TV, -20; Likes Survivor, -175
Eddie: Knows first aid, -30; Dream is to open a dog bar, +200
Hope: Very pretty, +60; Graduated college summa cum laude, -30
Total: 40

Young Ogakor

ogakor-australian outback-jerri-colby
Colby: Jock, +40; Nice to older women -15
Jerri: Spread a rumor about fellow tribemate, +70; Failed to attract the object of her affection, -50
Mitchell: Tall, +30; Too tall; -35
Amber: Young, +20; There, +0
Total: 60

Jabaru Clique

Jenna: In a sorority, +35; Swimsuit model, +65
Alex: Winning side in a love triangle with Shawna, +50; Told the truth, -10
Heidi: Looks down on those less attractive than herself, +40; Has high IQ, -25
Rob: Funny, +5; Super fan of Survivor, -300
Total: -140

Raro Alliance

cook islands-nate-adam-parvati-candice-raro alliance
Nate: Provides network-approved diversity +60, Cool hair, +10
Parvati: Flirts a lot +15; Hot tubs with two attractive dudes, +40
Candice: Attracts a misfit after showing minimal kindness; +10, Lets Adam kiss her, -50
Adam: Gets to kiss Candice, +50; Has his face, -30
Total: 105

Savaii Couples

savaii alliace-keith-whitney-elyse-ozzy

Keith: Bullied the nerd, +20; Homewrecker, +40
Whitney: Was on two reality shows, +25; Cuckolded husband, +40
Ozzy: Older jock, +20; Pigtails, -40
Elyse: Doesn’t do poetry, +15; Was the jock’s second choice after the chick who does poetry, -30
Total: 90

And there you have it folks. Parvati’s alliance is the coolest of all the alliances. In second place? Parvati’s alliance. Hard to argue with that.