The Shirin bandwagon has entered a beautiful stretch of flat, open roads with no traffic in sight. Take in the scenery, ladies and gentlemen. We’re on cruise control for a few weeks as our beloved heroine benefits from having bigger targets around her. Those previous Max and Shirin fight for my love posts where I was terrified for her in-game survival seem so long ago.

On the episode:

I’m so excited to talk about this episode I can barely contain it. I’m just…just…

Let’s start with the reward challenge. Shirin hasn’t been eating much- probably because Rodney is consuming everyone else’s food since he’s “stahvin, bro.” She can get a win in this balance beam reward challenge and get some delicious pizz-

You know what? Nevermind. Maybe Shirin isn’t a challenge beast. Luckily, Joey Amazing is very good at challenges. And he’s decided Shirin can come along for the reward-

but she has to share it with Carolyn.

Somehow, spending time with Carolyn wasn’t even the most unpleasant thing to happen to Shirin on this episode. Somewhere along the line, she has to endure a conversation with Dan. I won’t go into it here- only because I’ll do a separate post on Dan this week- but Dan’s level of superfandom has somehow resulted in him coming to the conclusion that the way to win people to your side is to speak condescendingly towards them. “What’s that? I’m a worthless idiot who can’t do math? My vote is yours!”

But what comes next is magical. It’s immunity challenge time, and Shirin is hyped. For this challenge, she will not have to deal with the fickle mistress known as gravity. Nor will she have to throw things into other things. She will simply use her greatest strength: her mind. The challenge? A game of charades with Probst:

Success! Shirin wins immunity! (At least in the sense that she doesn’t receive any votes at tribal council.)

This week on Twitter: 

Do you remember how I’ve said before that I usually do this section in advance of the episode? Well this week I procrastinated. And then I had to do actual human being things and didn’t get enough time to round up the best of the best from the social media accounts of our heroes. So because I’m in a hurry to post this, we’re just going to go lightning round here.

Shirin played the Shirin Face Game with me! That was meta as fuck! Point for Shirin!

Two points to Max! (Get it? Sorry.)

Ok, who the hell told our white people secrets? Especially about our love of Trader Joe’s cookie butter? You guys are in so much trouble at the next white people meeting. One point to Shirin for excellent detective work, negative twenty points to the white people that outed us.

One point to Max, who is about to have a new dad! And it’s Terry Deitz!

I’m pretty convinced that Shirin just enjoys peeing on stuff. She probably didn’t even hear that Dan had been stung by something last week, she was just offering to pee on him because she had to go and he was nearby. One point to Max for encouraging this behavior. (And even if Shirin never got to, I’ll be pissing all over Dan myself in that post I mentioned earlier.)

This is starting to feel like when Andy and I used to joke about having a Survivor podcast, and then eventually the joke turned into us actually having a Survivor podcast. This is how it starts, Shirin. This is how you end up in dimly lit sex clubs with floors covered in tarps, and calling into the Savage Love podcast and asking for kink advice.

Final verdict: You saw those Shirin gifs, right? I don’t give a shit what she pees on.